I know nothing..
this is what I should know.
If I tell you I have found the secret
remind me of this - 

There is nothing that I know unless He tells me,
He tells no lie and tells no secret...

So I know that I know 

I have searched among the thorns and the rivers
of my own blood shed intermittently...

It is beyond my small world.
A world that has become a battleground for the knowledge I do not need.
And so
I only know that i know not...

I know fear and pain - 
treasures in this world.
but I do not know - 
truly know
much beyond this.

But I know there is more...
I feel it.
I can see the tip of my nose
But I know there is more to see.

I am knowing...
I do not know

The Grieve!

The Grieve!

Please - 
give me today.

Tomorrow I will laugh and dance and sing.

Today let me grieve.

The pain is too much to bear.

I do not know how..

The words are not enough...

This white sheet
has four corners that limit my grief.

Let me wrap myself in my shroud of grief
pile ashes high like Blue Mountain Peak
on my head.

Let my grieve!

Let me die a little today
come back  later
and carry on,
no ascension
right here so
I will stay.

Right now it is too much
to bear.

Right now I cannot stop these tears.

I cannot be your strength

I cannot bring you ease.

All I have is my grief.

So let me grieve!

Let me cry, bawl and halla
When I am done
I will smile through these same tears.

It doesn't matter just let me be.

But when I am done
 I will never be the same.


                              *bawl -to cry 
                              **halla - (holler) to cry out loudly

Someone Died Today

Someone Died Today

Someone died today.
someone I knew
'Lord Jesus Christ!'
was all I could say.

Someone passed away.
The purest flower that ever
A spirit that shone
with love, joy and peace.

Someone went today.
she left her essence for us,
those who have been left behind.

Humanity lost one of its greats
and it will never be the same.
The air grew thin,
the world became dim.
a blinding light shone up to heaven
to burn for all eternity.

God embraced one of our very own today.
Because she pleased Him greatly.
She has finally been gifted by His touch
the rest she needed so much.

I Must Go

I Must Go

I must go now
too long you've held me down.
- I'm not finding fault
because you loved me.
But you see
you loved me too much and now I must go find me.
I must break free
of the portrait you painted me to be

You see, I must find me.

To find this wisdom and maturity
that your love has denied me.

You see, I must find me.

It's not being selfish
it's surviving.

If I truly want to fit into me
then I must leave.
I will carry you 
everywhere I go
whether near or far.
You will be here
cheering me on.
But I must go.
To prove to all
what I can truly do and be,
when I know me.

My Story

My Story

My story is my own
nobody can write it.
Nobody can describe my heartaches
nor describe my gains
like I can.
Nobody can shed these here tears - 
cold as ice as they flow
warm and freeing when they disappear.
My life is my legacy
not house, car or land.
Not the children I will raise - 
they will have their own story.

My story cannot be bought or sold,
not determined by your need to create and fix.
When I tell my story
you will not know
      where it ends or

You will not know how to order it.

Not even I can tell you for sure
all of it 
because words will not be enough
to do the telling.

My story involves countless shades of colourful greys, 
sprinkled with moments of silver
all distinct all blended together.
It's not seamless.
There are moth eaten places.
Holes that can never be tacked together.
There are frayed section
They are mini artworks
not brokenness.

My story is my own;
no one else can take it
and tell it.

God is Good

May your struggles keep you near the cross
and may your troubles show that you need God
and may your battles end the way they should
And may your bad day prove that God is good...
                                                          (Jonathan McReynolds)

There was nothing really to complain about
Look, I just could,
so i did
because it felt 
I saw only myself
my vision
my dreams.
my my my 
Look at me am I not beautiful, smart and capable.
I can do anything.

Yes you are, yes you can...

The only thing was,,,
The only thing was this pain.
Yes this pain, not really pain just an annoying pinch.
This was bothering,
I could not order it around.
It stayed
lingered too long.

I could not fall,
I had done it after all,
all by myself,
it too shall fall on its knees to me!

Yes? Go on.

Are you mocking me?

No my child continue.

It's getting worse, taking over.
I cannot think,
I can do nothing right...

Now I cannot move.
I cannot laugh.
All I produce are salty rivers of my misery,
floodgates that never seem to close completely.

I look back at
But I cannot see how I came from her!
There is nothing I can do
I am helpless.
I am hopeless...

Now I can barely move,
I am doubled over,
brought low.

With each halting breath I breathe,
I now Know - perhaps too late...

What is that my child?

I now know that
God is good.