Category: Encountering New Experiences

The Thing about Scars and Beauty Marks…


Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.


 David Richo

I was watching an interview with American singer Ciara, where she was talking about her new single, “Beauty Marks”, from her most recent album by the same title. It got me to thinking about the concept behind the song, “taking all the scars from obstacles you faced in life and turning them into beauty marks”. That led to a trip down my childhood memory lane…

As a Jamaican girl raised by my great grandparents I know a thing or two or three about old age competition. If you do not know what this is, God bless you, I made it up! Old age competitions happened a lot when I was young, because when my great grandmother’s friends would come by, it became the olympic games of old age complaints. The competition started as soon as they arrived, even before they were settled properly, “Lawd dis arthritis come fi kill mi Ms. Joan…” and then the battle would ensue. For most of the time they spent talking, they would try to outdo each other with the various ailments – old and new – they had to contend with on an hourly basis, because they were getting older. While I was fascinated with the nature and frequency of the complaints, I always wondered why they spent so much time, in seeming bliss, talking about things that brought them so much pain and discomfort. I later learned a fascinating thing about ageing; older skin heals with less scarring!

Of wounds and scars

I realised years later that many of us seem to enjoy listing all our various complaints in life, whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social ect. We take it as a badge of honour to let the world know how much we have suffered or are suffering now. The wounds in life that seem ready to “kill us before time” have left many of us prepared to reopen them when convenient to show the world that we have suffered a lot. However, for those of us who do this, there is no way we can ever successfully achieve all that is waiting for us to achieve on the other side, when we dwell in our pain and suffering. We spend so much time nurturing the wounds we have gotten along the way that we can never properly heal and move on. We have become stuck because we do not want to forget nor do we want others to forget that we have suffered, especially those who have contributed to our suffering. So we baby the wounds that turn to scar and the bigger the better, especially when we want to elicit sympathy. That tiny paper cut become a chasm of the worst kind and in the process of building up those scars we swallow others along in our despair and self-righteous hurt.

We conveniently forget the word of God which says:


He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]

Psalms 147:3

And guess what, while we focus on the pain, possible joys slip by us away into the horizon, ready to be claimed by someone else who is paying attention to the right things.

The thing about Ciara’s life story thus far and many like her, is that she did not dwell in her place of brokenheartedness, and neither should we. I have learned that it is important to assess where you are coming from, in order to see how much you have progressed. But our weakness, limitations or brokenness do not have to be a crutch that we cling to for the rest of our lives. The great thing about live is that we do not have to stay in a position of brokenness and that is what many fail to realise or realise when it is too late. It’s okay to be thankful for those times you suffered, failed or fell flat on your face, because if that had not happened, you would not know how strong you are and you would not find yourself walking the road you were always meant to travel on. your limitations really do not define you, only if you allow it to do so.

Beauty Marks?


Many cultures around the world and throughout history have applied meanings to beauty marks. For the French it was mouches or “flies and for the English “plaisters” or patches; beauty marks were applied for the practical purpose of covering scars or blemishes. In Eastern cultures the positions of beauty marks on the face say something about your personality or fortune. Even William Shakespeare, the great English playwright made reference to it several times in his play, [Cymbeline]. Beauty marks and their meanings have always been a great point of interest in different cultures. For us today, here is another perspective on beauty marks that has nothing to do with aesthetic beauty and everything to do with embracing our worst experiences.

When Scars become beauty marks:

  1. When you begin to be thankful for those challenges and see how they have made you a better person, that is when the scars become beauty marks.
  2. It is when you can look back at those times and while choking up a bit, feel a sense of peace and contentment with what had been, and where you are now, then those scars a no longer ugly in need of concealment; but beauty marks that can proudly be claimed as a part of what has gone into making you who you are today, from who you were yesterday.


Scars are not signs of weakness, they are signs of survival and endurance


― Rodney A. Winters

The older you get the less time you have to dwell on your pain -literally. And so I go back to the bit of information I gave at the beginning. With age scars become less obvious, because while we know they are their somehow the event that caused them in the first place lose their power to control us. I realized that my great grandmother’s friends weren’t necessarily dwelling in their pain but they were also saying, “hey look at me going out and having a good time but I am aware that I’m not as young as I used to be. But I know I’m still alive because I feel the pain”. At the end of the numerous ailments, they would hiss their teeth saying, ” only God knows” or ” God a God”. In other words, “Thank God for His mercy, in spite of it all…”

You Could Suffer…You Could Suffer A Whole Lot…

I recently looked up the meaning of happiness on google and this was the result


Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness. 

Googlehttps://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/happiness

The part that really got me was the section that suggests that happiness is experienced when people are successful. Because I have seen and heard instances where many successful people are never truly happy. So is a person’s happiness based on success? And I think more important to this discussion is a definition for success. We have always spoken about success but not what it means to be successful. It maybe that our perception of success is skewed. By that I mean that the success we pursue may not be the success we need.

Success 101

Can we be successful with just having no stress in our lives? With just waking up in the morning and knowing that we will do what we love? By this I mean what we really want to do not what we have told ourselves that we have to, because it seems someone else’s agenda is being served by us being their. That is not really what is meant. Are you a success if you, “march to the beat of your own drum no matter where it takes you and how far? Or, are you a success when you have ticked all the boxes that you have been given to work in? When you finally receive the promotion or prize you’ve been waiting for your whole life, then are you a success? May it is because today you did not have that chocolate – right Byfield- or that one thing that can totally derail your efforts in reaching a goal you have set?


There is perhaps nothing worse than reaching the top of the ladder and discovering that you’re on the wrong wall.


Joseph Campbell

Or is there something else?



Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves

Philippians 2:3

I am sure many of us do not think enough about spiritual success. What is spiritual success you my ask. Well, it is something that we need to consider. Spiritual success means leaning on God because of our limitations. It is realising that we constantly need to check in with our spiritual source of strength when all else fails. Being aware of who we are – not as a cliche – and being brave enough to step out in faith. Step out and away from the things that undermine true joy and happiness. There is always that small voice inside that we often ignore; then later when things go wrong we wonder why we never paid attention to that voice. Often times we choose to ignore the plans God for us because they do not align with what we want for ourselves or what others want for us. We may choose to pay attention to what everyone around us says but not to the voice that urges us in the opposite direction.

This is when we suffer. We suffer mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. The best thing to do, may be to question the type of success you are willing to live with and which you can live without. To be successful beyond the material is to rely completely on God for the answers that we need. To wait patiently for the things that we need and to be hopeful that all we need will be supplied when we need it. A person can be successful at making a lot of money, but if it produces only negative results, what is the purpose? Is he or she a success? And, does this lead to happiness? These are all things we must grapple with but if you do so from a space of spirituality, the answers may be easier to digest!

Pray a Whole Lot…You’ll Get There.


“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”


― Mahatma Gandh


“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”


― Meister Eckhart


“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.”


― Mother Teresa


“Our prayers have no expiration date. You never know when, where, or how God will answer.” 


Anonymous

Let’s Think on Prayer…

When you are ready to give up and too weak to carry on, stop get rid of all the distractions that continue to weigh you down and pray.

As a child I felt that prayer could only be done by people who were really spiritual, because they were the only ones God would listen to. So though we prayed the “Our Father Prayer”, it was just for show, there was no sense of a deliberate act that was expected to yield any real and lasting reward.

As I got older I realized that praying was not limited to a few but anyone could pray! I really understood that prayer is how you feel most connected to God. Also, you get the benefit of having peace of mind when you pray and clarity to make the tough decisions. Prayer is personal; when we pray we do not seek to impress others and God with our eloquence, but we do so from a genuine place, from the heart. I remember as a child I was a sleep in the dark, I woke up suddenly and saw an outline standing over me. I was stiff with fright. I could not move. In that moment when I felt so much fear, the only thing I could do was pray. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed that God would protect me. When I opened my eyes the shadowy figure had disappeared. While there is a positive outcome to that little experience, consider when and why you pray. Do you pray all the time or when you need something? Do you pray on behalf of others, or only yourself and those that mean the most to you? Do you pray because you have designated yourself the chief prayer person, or because you feel compelled to do so? Consider these when you want to pray.

Pray When You…

Pray when you have so much joy that you don’t know what to do with yourself. When the world has gotten a bit too small for all the dreams and plans you want to put into. When you have no one who truly understands your fear, your desires and your failures. When you want to strengthen your relationship with God. When you have become tempted by material gain to the detriment of being compassionate to those around you. When you value the things you have over the relationships you have been gifted. When your happiness is limited to only your success. When you begin to take credit for the things you have been able to accomplish in your lifetime. When you find yourself becoming someone you are unhappy with, pray a whole lot. Pray for the peace and strength needed to remain true on your journey.


Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.


James 5:13

Being Self-Righteous is not Righteous


If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.


1 John 1:8

The scripture above reminds me every time I read it that it’s really hard not to sin. But it’s hard for anyone to be around persons who think that they are better than others and that they have a right to be critical . Being righteous means being morally right, good or excellent. I know that when I rank students profile for their report card everyone wants to get As for excellent, but its always a question of do they deserve the rank. Then there is self-righteous which means, seeing yourself as superior to others, being holier-than-though or even hypocritical. No one therefore wants the title of self-righteousness based on those descriptors…

Sorry… We are all Guilty!

Even as I write this post I am being critical of others. The good thing is that I know this, I acknowledge it as a fault and I am committed to working on being less so.

The shocking thing is that we are all guilty of being self-righteous. When we take credit for doing something, then we forget the words Jesus spoke in St. Luke chapter 17, especially verse 10 where Jesus instructed his disciples:
So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.”

It’s hard for many of us not to take the credit when things go well and everyone is telling us how wonderful, or how great we are. When things are not going so well then it must be someone else’s fault. We are the innocent victim of this person or that person. We had absolutely positively definitely nothing whatsoever wrong. I am sure by now you get the sarcasm but just in case you missed it, I’m pointing it out. Sometimes we go too far. We begin to think that we are in a battle with God and he has allowed us to be in the terrible position. Often times it is easier to blame others when things do not work out in our favour.

then there are those who casually sit in judgement of others. We all have done this, so please do not try to remember that one friend who does this nor should you look at the person close by. We can judge others because:

  1. We have never lied
  2. we have never done a thing, a day in our lives that we are NOT proud of.
  3. we have never killed, stolen anything
  4. to avoid this list getting longer, in essence we are good through and through.

As a result, we have earned the right in all or in some situations to be judgemental, to tell everyone else when they are not doing the right things. But woe unto the one who tries to tell us that we also fall into that category.

Passing Judgment is not being righteous, it simply proves that we are not perfect that we have flaws that we hide behind when we judge other. While we can be intelligent, generous, kind, patient and forgiving. We are also, vacuous, mean, unkind, impatient and very unforgiving. It’s just that we often times refuse to acknowledge our imperfection. Though making wise judgements can be good when we need to be critical of certain situation, we are often times too quick to cancel people we feel in some way are lacking based on our finite assessment. For all of us who are quick to cancel others, is that always the only choice we have?

I recently came across a [blog] that listed 13 signs you are a judgemental person and sadly friends I am terribly judgmental. SoI want you to look at the list below and see if you are. If you are, don’t worry, we all have the opportunity to grow and change and just keep in mind what Romans 3 verse 23 says:


For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God

13 Signs You’re a Judgemental person

1. You believe that everyone is out to get you.
2. You expect other people to be consistent all the time.
3. You struggle to see beyond a person’s flaws.
4. You easily skip to conclusions.
5. You struggle to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty.
6. You’re intolerant of people unlike you.
7. You’re generally pessimistic about life.
8. You tend to believe people are either ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
9. You struggle to truly appreciate or see the beauty in others.
10. You have low self-worth.
11. You feel anxious around other people.
12. You’re suspicious and untrusting.
13. You have a strong inner critic who judges you.

Don’t be caught on the wrong side of right:


“There’s never been a true war that wasn’t fought between two sets of people who were certain they were in the right. The really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous.”


― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

May Your May Be…

You’re Still Early… It’s Only May!

Well it is another month again. It’s the month of May! Though it is not my birth month, I believe that this month holds the promise for great things. So get ready for may blessings. There is so much to celebrate – most importantly life. While I neither have time or fingers to type all that will be celebrated this month, here are a few…

There are so many good things happening in May. May begins smile month in Britain! how many persons knew that? In May many celebrate Mother’s Day, and you need to make sure that you celebrate those women who have mothered you, not just the one who birthed you. Take the time to appreciate all that that this woman or women have done to make you into the person you are. It’s also child’s month in Jamaica and other countries and child’s day is celebrated around the world. It’s also the time when teachers are recognised for their hard work and overall genius in and out of the classroom.

And then there are days in the month that are internationally recognised:

  1. May 3: World Press Freedom Day
  2. May 5: African World Heritage Day
  3. May 16: International Day of Light
  4. May 16: International Day of Living Together in Peace
  5. May 21: World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development

Do you know of any other celebrations or observances? what else can we add to the list above? Let me know below.

It is apparent that there are many things to celebrate and recognise this month. Make sure that you take the time to recognise the achievement of others as you forge ahead in claiming all the wonderful things waiting for you. May your May be blessed!

Keep moving but be sure to stop along the way to celebrate the steps taken!

Change The World

change the world by changing you. It has to start somewhere!

I sat and asked a very important question: how can I make an impact? I realise that I am no longer comfortable being among the crowd, going to work, going back home, waiting away the time. I’m ready for a change. So today I speak change into my life. That means I have to get off my increasingly big butt and do stuff!

Easier said than done…

Easier said than done; and it’s true. It’s easier to say you want a change than actually making changes, venturing into the unknown. Before you even make a move a thousand and one doubts assail me. Who am I kidding? What are you going to do that you couldn’t have done before? aaaah that pesky little devil’s voice can be really annoying. And crippling. The best course of action is to take action!

Now my idea of changing the world was to do something grand. Something so big that everyone can see that I am doing something! Who wants to hide their light under a bushel?

Alas change does not come that swiftly or easily. So I sit here still wondering how I am going be a part of a change that will not only benefit me but those within and outside my circle.


Photo by Burak K from Pexels

Then out of the blue a eureka moment; a light bulb goes off. Well change takes time doesn’t it? Rome certainly wasn’t built in a day was it? So I recognised that I got to start small. I have to start by doing the little things that count. Positive things, like smiling more, being a little more willing to help and being more positive in my words, actions and thoughts. Give someone a hug and a compliment instead of just doing so im my head.

Starting small pays

It also pays to appreciate the little things that you have and celebrate the small victories, even when no one is around to see them and celebrate with you. Identify those things about you that you do not like that you recognise that others do not like and make one change at a time. Make sure that you have a plan! I repeat, make sure you have a plan. This is crucial to the success of any venture. And if you know you are a chronic procrastinator like me, make sure to have a friend (really good friend that is), who will help you to be more accountable. But the most important thing that we all need to remember is that change is an uncomfortable process. Therefore we need to really get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So as we go about the business of change, my advice is for us to have fun embracing the change that is coming our way.

Let us have a toast for change

Really Believe

i believe in you

Have you ever said the words above to someone? When they have lost faith in themselves and you desperately want them to get back on track. Has anyone ever said those words to you? Certainly I have said themor something similar to students past and present, family and friends .

Now, how often do you say these words to yourself?

When you say or hear those those words, do you considered what they truly mean; what message is being transmitted? when you say them you are telling that person, hey I have faith in you and your ability or abilities. And guess what, I will support your dreams and ambitions.

The believe in something is a phrasal verb, and there is another concept in believing in something. When you believe in something or someone it means you are convinced that person or thing exists. So along with believing in that person or thing is the understanding that you believe in what they represent and their purpose.


Your life is the fruit of your own doing.  You have no one to blame but yourself.

Joseph Campbell

Now another question is how many of us believe in ourselves? I am sure that a lot of us would immediately shout yes. But before you answer the question, answer the ones below I came across at the website learnstreaming.com.

  • Do you often feel the need to explain yourself?
  • Are you indecisive and then doubt your choices when you do make a decision?
  • Do you find it difficult to accept compliments?
  • modify your behaviour based on what others think?
  • Do you often find yourself on the defense?
  • Try to cover up your mistakes?

If your answers were mostly yes, then it means you still have some way to go in believing in yourself.

It’s easy for us to believe in others than ourselves. Yes it’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s true. Really, we mostly cannot relate to (Narcissus). It’s easier to because often times we have very little confidence in ourselves and our abilities. We are unable to see what others see in us and when they tell us we choose not to believe because we have convinced ourselves that we are protecting ourselves from being disappointed when these great things they see in us do not manifest.

Believing is a choice


Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely


Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Another way to think about this, is to tell ourselves that believing in yourself is a sign of choosing to reject self hate and embrace self love. How can you honestly believe in the value of someone else if you are careless with yourself ? Ultimately, you are going to be careless with the persons who are around. We need to really believe in ourselves and practise positive affirmations. We can begin by acknowledging that we are worth the time and effort needed to nurture our potentials and live our purpose. We need to trust that God has given us all we need to do what we ought to do, even when we walk a path that is different from those around us. you always have the choice to believe the good versus the bad. To believe in yourself or not. Choose wisely.