Category: Encountering New Experiences

by Shelly-Ann Daley (contributor)

She needed a hero, so that’s what she became…

Sometimes childhood memories escape from its box and you can’t help but long for a time when things were simpler, and you found pleasure in the simplest of things. In a land some time ago there was a princess. She attended Vacation Bible School at a church near her home and was given corned beef sandwiches and ice-cold lemonade, a lime green crown and a yellow kite that could be inflated like a balloon. She loved that crown. She however loved her yellow kite more and wanted to take that kite everywhere. That summer she and her sister travelled to the magical kingdom called the Sunshine City to spend their summer vacation with the King, the Queen and the Prince. Of course, the kite had to make the trip too!

When she got there, she longed to go to the beach where the winds were strong so that she could hoist her yellow kite and bask in the sun… she didn’t care much for the water. They got to the beach and the king showed her how to fly the kite… when it was her turn the wind proved to be too mighty for her and fought with her for the yellow kite… it won. She watched as it took her yellow kite with it and she started to cry. The King immediately jumped in the car and followed the yellow kite until the wind let it go. She didn’t know how far he went to get it but she was grateful that he did. When they got home, she deflated her yellow kite and put it away in a draw so as never to lose it again. She kept it until she outgrew it. On that day she saw the King as her hero, the person who saved something she loved.

 The princess grew older and went to live in the kingdom and over the years that perception changed, just as she outgrew the yellow kite. She outgrew the idea that she should be dependent on someone else to be her hero. She watched as the person she saw as her hero metamorphosed into a villain. He reduced himself to someone she would never want her son, brother, husband to emulate.  Someone who she once saw as strong and heroic was reduced to someone who she thought she now needed a hero to defeat. She then asked herself the question… What made him a villain? He must have had a reason for becoming the “bad” person he is now? She realized that he was enabled, made to feel entitled, made to feel that he was to be “served” and taken care of and the rules of the Kingdom made by him had to be followed. “Thou shalt not eat this” “Thou shalt not do this” “Thou shalt not do that” “My Prince shall not do this”. Some may say that should not have skewed her perception. But it did because she was made to feel as if she was the “servant”.  As if that was her sole purpose. She then realized that she also looked to other people in the kingdom to be her hero. She hoped the Queen would have stood up for, but she didn’t. She supported her King and helped to enforce the rules of the kingdom though some of those rules bothered her.

Over the years the Queen grew weary and realized that her King was lacking, and it frustrated her. She cursed, spat insults and lashed out with her fiery tongue. She also took out her anger on the prince and princess of the kingdom and that bothered them. The princess felt overwhelmed and felt as if she was not loved and that she was the least favourite of all the other princesses and princes. The princess knew that she was not perfect, but she also knew she didn’t deserve to be treated as such. Her heroes failed her. As such she decided that there was none better to save her than herself. She had to be her own hero.

  All this reminiscing brought to mind another simple truth that is so important to remember, and it is this — no matter what you are going through, sometimes you have to be your own hero. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that ideal if that is what it takes to keep you going forward.

“Everything happens for a reason. Wait on God and trust in Him. He wants the best for us. He wants to take us from glory to glory, and from victory to victory.” 

― Germany Kent

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God

Corinthians 10:31

What’s Important is the Journey

I went to the beach recently with my colleague, and as per usually some very peculiar thoughts came to mind. So we were going to Gloria’s Restaurant. The story of the restaurant, located in Port Royal, is very inspiring. Starting with its founder, Gloria Harris who started not with a building, a kitchen a roadside cart or even selling seafood, it has flourished into a beloved eatery for seafood lovers. What is inspiring in not so much the success but the transformation that this business has witnessed; from selling egg sandwiches to the local fishermen to woking on her craft as a chef selling at the airport and roadside to acquiring a building and another five years later in the act of realising her purpose and being a successful business woman. I am sure that there must have been challenges that were conquered by faith. As I looked at the rough sea, I thought about my own rough times – and naturally my fear of such waters because I cannot swim. I felt so blessed in that moment when I remember those rough times though and those who had been in that rocky boat with me…

God Has Got This…

I was coming from a place of darkness, real darkness. when the thought of leaving my house was so terrifying that I had panic attacks. When the thought of being genuinely happy filled me with great cynicism and anger. I was coming from a place where death seemed an attractive companion; because life was just too much and not enough; but God intervened. Do you know that the word Gloria derived from the latin word glōria(glory), and glory describes the manifestation of God’s presence. While initially it seemed for the second time in our attempt to take a trip as a department, we would be going nowhere, God intervened. When it seemed as if our experience was about to be dampened, God intervened. And what could have been a “flop”, became a resounding success of renewal of mind body and spirit.

I know for many persons it is really hard to come back from a dark place where it felt like live was passing you by. When your everyday mantra becomes, “I hate my life”. As I sat in the bus in the bus on the way to Gloria’s, I was grateful for Shelly’s “are you okay?” I was grateful I could say “yes” and truly mean it at that moment. Then I was grateful for one of the best friends I have ever had, Shalene, who stood, sat and shared one bed with me during one of the most frightening periods of my life, when death seemed much easier to attain than being happy. For Mrs. Grandison, who was my counsellor when I felt it was all hopeless and for being a mother when all that was required was for her to be my supervisor. I was really grateful for Antoinette, who accepted all of me and affectionately refers to me as a “likkle terrorist”. And as I sat at the table with everyone and listened to the conversations swirling around me, I was happy that by just being themselves, they each made me feel happy to be alive in that moment. God had surrounded me with people to remind me that in any situation already was way ahead of me and all of us.

More Than Food…

By the end of the meal we were full to bursting [some more than others], and while some had imbibed, we were good enough to go on the beach to walk off both food and liquor. However, a routine stroll on the beach ended up being an exhilarating moment of simply, laughing, jumping [some higher than others], posing, fellowship and discovering. We took off our shoes sunk our feet in the sand and just allowed ourselves to be in that moment. When we turned back to the bus to leave, a little bit of peace had been collected and a little bit more of our fears tossed into the waters, forgotten forever. It was one of the best outing I had been on.not because the food and setting were great, which they were! It was one of the best outing because of the company and because of the reminder that life really is worth living. The visit to Gloria’s had manifested God’s hope that His people “…shall rejoice in all the good that the Lord your God has given to you” (Deuteronomy 26:11)

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I look up to the sky
And now the world is mine
I’ve known it all my life
I made it, I made it!
I used to dream about, the life I’m living now
I know that there’s no doubt.
I made it, I made it!

Kevin Rudolf – I Made It 

Today I went to church after not having been there for two weeks! Yes this has been a recurring problem for me. However, I witnessed the induction of my former Principal as Chalice bearer after being given the Bishop’s licence! She had retired a couple of years ago from the school I teach at and I thought retirement meant taking things easy. After all she had accomplished so much and ended – some may say – at the pinnacle of her profession. Well apparently not for her! I was really happy for her because she was embarking on a new passion; a role I had never seen her in before and who knows maybe at one point she had never seen herself there either. But it is a role that affords her the opportunity to say, “I made it”.

Here are some questions for you today. How many of you can say right now, I’ve made it? I have done everything there is to do and I have everything I need to have and so that’s it. Well if we have achieved something we always wanted to achieve that’s great but do we remain satisfied with that?

For many, to “make it” means success but there are many persons who “make it” on a daily basis, but once the thrill of making it is over, they are left feeling empty and immediately have to set a new goal to capture that feeling again. It eventually becomes a cycle that may last their lifetime. So it begs the question: can we be satisfied with what we have already done. Will there always be a need to conquer new heights and reach just a little further or even charter a new course?

My answer is YES. It’s okay to reach the success you dreamed about yesterday today and look forward to a success you haven’t fully formed, but is in the process of being crafted in your minds eye. If you think about the fact that we do not die immediately after we achieve whatever we initially set out to achieve, then you will realise that wanting more and dreaming of more is not a bad thing. Once you have achieved it there is nothing else to fine tune, you cannot erase the experiences of that past and start all over to get the same goals. So it’s natural to want to achieve something else to jump over a new hurdle or break down even more barriers.

There are persons who have remained in the same job for many, many years and that’s a great accomplishment. However, that does not have to be the road we all travel. Change is constant and as we get older, we too change. When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse and so many other things. But the older I got, the more I realised what I like and what I don’t like and because of that my ambitions changed. For some person one passion can drive their entire life and for others there are many that they want to explore and neither avenue is more gratifying than the other. They both have their worth, because the person associated with each path follows their God given idiosyncrasies.

Success comes not only from being focused on one path your entire live but from knowing that you pursued that thing or those things that represent your passion or passions. Its better to have made it many times over than to have never made it at all

The discontent that lies in the human condition is not satisfied simply by material things.

Derek Walcott

Too young or not too inexperienced or not…

Have you ever been told you are too young or too old? If you have then what was your response? Did you accept this reasoning as valid for your life and just went about your business? Well being told that you are too old or too young is one of the great tragedy of many persons we see around us. The tragedy is in the fact that we have been conditioned to think this is true.

We may hear many stories of persons who accomplished great things in the latter part of their lives or when they were ridiculously young. We have dutifully been impressed and categorise them as the real G.O.A.T. We feel good because we have heard their story but when we think about us being just as great, the safe line to use in our situation is, “it’s too late for me”. When I was younger, I boldly or foolishly suggested to my grandmother to divorce my grandfather. I was of the impression that she would be a lot happier without him. Instead of receiving a spirited lick from her, she instead said in the saddest and most regretful voice, “it’s too late”. with those words I felt the deeply held pain she had been careful never to show me and I wondered how much she must have suffered and was suffering because she felt her life was rooted with this man.

I have always been told I was a very precocious child and I know I was but that precociousness was well and truly beaten out of me. I was told I was ‘dry eye” facety ect. However, I realise that displaying those characteristics, was not a bad thing on their own, but they required proper guidance and nurturing. My grandparents were of the generation where “children should be seen and not heard” and so instead of being taught how to properly channel that precociousness, it was stamped out as a matter of course.

Nowhere in Between

I do not believe it is ever too late for doing what you want nor do I believe it’s ever too early. I believe that things happen and change is possible when it is the right time. if you have the physical and mental acuity then it can never be late. Often times we talk ourselves out of experiencing the best of ourselves, the best life we will ever have because we believe, or society has told us we are too early or too late. Therefore, we spend our lives in a kind of purgatory, never truly feeling as if we have arrived. We always feel as if we are perpetually in transit, never able to truly fit in anywhere. To accept that it’s too late or too early is to give up on yourself, your dreams and your happiness.

Fight Back

You fight back against the tide by being determined in the face of naysayers or challenges. when you accept that no one can determine your manufacture or expiration date but God, then you are already equipped to succeed at whatever you want to succeed at. However, the challenge lies in remaining motivated to do what you must to realise your potential at any age. Ignite your own flame if you have to and protect it from the ravages of doubt and fear.

Biology gives you a brain. Life turns it into a mind

― Jeffrey Eugenides

I’m not a medical doctor nor a medical student and the focus of this blog is not on giving insight on brain damage and its effects. However, I was recently confronted with the phrase above and I was intrigued by it. How can this apply to me and better yet, how does this apply to each of us and how we operate on a daily basis. The context I heard the phrase in had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with the mental state of individuals.

According to Science daily:
brain damage or brain injury is the destruction or degeneration of brain cells. It may not but can lead to long term impairment or disability, but depends on the location and extent of the damage. Another interesting thing is that the extent of the damage depends on the extent of the trauma experienced.

What impact do you have?

If we think about our own impact then we need to consider if we inadvertently bring trauma into the lives of others. Most persons would like to think that everyone they make contact with, are left with a positive impression and are impacted positively, but this is dependent on how damaged we are when we meet them and how much we have allowed traumas to control us.

With any relationship we bring our previous baggage along for the ride, whether we are fully aware of it or not. Not only do the meanings we create from our experiences shape who we are, they also impact those we choose to have relationships with. If we view our experiences as mostly negative, then we have shaped our lives and interactions to be mostly negative. It is true that our thoughts can limit how people see us and how we treat others. The result of which is that we end up leaving others with a piece of our trauma based on their interactions with us. We all have experienced loss, we all have faced challenges that have led us to question our choices and our purpose. However, how we choose to see these experiences will have a profound impact on our lives. Do we choose to see them as a gateway to something greater or a stone that blocks us from achieving the best of what is waiting for us.

Brain in Recovery

We all have traumas that we are in a constant state of recovery from them and recovery will take time. However, it is important to acknowledge those traumas so that we can deal with them. Reading a little more on the brain I learned that the brain is not static but has what is know as [brain plasticity] and has the ability to perform [functional recovery]. As a result we do not have to be limited to a bad experience but we can change and evolve for the better because of them. However, we have the power to determine if we ever recover. If we are unwilling to take the first step in doing so, then the change will not come. It therefore means that if we remain in our damaged state then it is because we have chosen to remain there. Being a positive influence is based on our ability to take the journey on the road to healing. Change your mind to change your condition.