The Tragic Hero

Life is not a competition.

I am sure you have heard this before, but have you really thought about what this truly means?

You don’t have to be the best. Right now. There is no time limit on all that you have to do. While everyone is striving, you feel as if you are not. There you are feeling as if you are being left behind. All your friends have graduated and moved on to the next phase, but you my friend, are left behind. You may feel like you are one of the leftovers. The one who becomes the example of where not to be and what not to do. It is easy to feel left behind, because so many seem to follow the hustler formula. They want success and they want it quick. They have to always be on the move, always grabbing the next opportunity, the next big thing. To be a hustler has become something to be admired by many and oftentimes we are bombarded with YouTube videos and a plethora of articles that tout the benefits of the hustler mentality.

However, While we strive to get to the top as quickly as possible, we never really take the time to understand our purpose because we have become doers and not thinkers. We become burnt out trying to do a million things in twenty-four hours. I think of it as me preparing a lesson to teach, with so many activities crammed in it that the students do not have time to benefit or enjoy those activities. We become so focused on getting to the top and staying there that we deprive ourselves of the experience of enjoying the moments that matter, those moments that will remain with us when all those positions and wealth mean nothing.

A lot of us lose the things we have because we focus too much on what we do not have. The hustle culture that has emerged and which a lot of persons try to cultivate comes from a place of insecurity for many. A place where they always compare themselves to others and strive for things that they were never meant to hide. So you may know someone who has been on the hustler grind for a very long time and is still waiting their turn to get to the top. There you are, looking in from the outside, you realise that all they do is go in circles but never truly grow and are never close to the summit they crave to conquer.

I recently looked at the story of Saul and David, both were Kings of Israel and the lesson of the story is timeless. There are so many lessons actually but for me in considering the story what stood out, was how foolish Saul was to allow his envy and jealousy of David to destroy his life. It began with a celebration that quickly turned sour and it was a turning point that destroyed Saul’s legacy:

-: Saul Envies David
6
As the troops were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs, and with tambourines and other instruments. 7 And as the women danced, they sang out: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” (1 Samuel 18: 6-7)

Saul was at the top of his game, the big man, he was King! Until, a young boy with humble beginnings, like him, came into his line of vision stole some of his shine and he was no longer happy with all his previous achievements and the privilege of being King. He was a King but he was not satisfied. He needed records, numbers greater than anyone to prove he was great.

Why do people hustle? Why is it so important to be the greatest, to have persons bow at your feet because out of everyone else, you made it. But made it where? How much higher can you go than being a King? Even at the top, Saul was discontent, disillusioned and at the end, fiercely bitter. He felt that David’s growing popularity and success was a direct reflection on him. Like Saul too many of us get too caught up in the lives of others and what they are doing, achieving or “winning” at. We feel if they succeed it may show us up. Then all of a sudden everyone begins to question, “what about you, what have you done lately?” Sometimes before someone asks the questions of our legitimacy, we begin to destroy it, by comparing ourselves to others and then come up short, woefully inadequate, headed for failure. Though this was not the case a few minutes before.

Saul’s strength and courage was buried under a need for approval and the fear of being criticized. This is seen when he tries to regain favour in the eyes of his army and people by making a sacrifice that was never his to make. This need to always be favourable in the eyes of others, to always be number one, even if it means making compromises, can be seen by many who strive to succeed at any cost.

11 And Samuel said, “What have you done?”

Saul said, “When I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered together at Michmash, 12 then I said, ‘The Philistines will now come down on me at Gilgal, and I have not made supplication to the Lord.’ Therefore I felt compelled, and offered a burnt offering.” (1 Samuel 13: 11-12 )

Saul was so focused on being better, when he was already good, in being highly favoured, when he already was; he last it all because he neglected to notice all the great things he had going for him. It was a real tragedy that such a great man allowed his insecurities and fear of rejection to completely Stifle the potential of who he could have been.

So, the story of Saul becomes a cautionary tale, of how competition can go bad and lead a person to self-destruct. Take note even as you aim to be the best you that you can be.

What is Life?!

I find myself in 2020 exclaiming or whispering “what is life!” much too often. The most recent reason for this outburst stems from being hit with a cold dose of reality. The disappointment of being reminded that life has been set in such a way that it is very difficult to really get off the hamster wheel that is life in the 21st century. It is a disappointment that makes me even more determined to work in the right way to get the results that will lead to my peace of mind and overall health. Not only do I have to work but I have to be smarter about how I use the resources available to me.

Things are easier said than done.

It is hard to reconfigure your brain to adjust to all the truths that you are faced with, almost as if sometimes you are being constantly attacked with them and their is no clear escape route. The only thing you have is the determination not to be completely overwhelmed, and thereby defeated by so many harsh, unyielding truths. it is hard to think clearly when you cannot make heads or tail of a situation, you don’t know what to do.

You have to find the peace within to make sense of the senseless and the uncomfortable.

So disappointment has reared its ugly, ugly head once more and knocked you on your butt. However, there is no option but to find a new way to tackle the problem that has not been solved.

This is life!

Even though you feel like you are travelling through sargasso sea,the challenging of escape is one you have to take. What becomes of life if you accept that the challenge is too great? You will never get to your destination and by your thoughts you will already be defeated. One good thing about the sargasso sea is the calmness, therefore one not see positives in those ugly truths.

At least you have the chance to map out new strategies and mount new defenses that will get you to where you should be.

It’s Not Over

When we are running our race, we have an idea of how things will go. SUre we will face obstacles and we will have disappointments, but most of us dream of not only clearing these hurdles but finishing the race with arms outstretched in triumph breaking the ribbon and crossing the finish line.

However, the reality is that some of us face a challenge so great that we pull up sharply in agonising pain and tumble to the ground, protrate. The shock of pain is so sharp, painful and sudden that we cannot catch our breaths much less get up to finish the race. We begin to think we have lost. “We have lost”, there is no way we can win, all the runners have gone way ahead and there is no way we can get past the pain much less to continue, catch them up and place.

Too many of us at this point decide to give up, “why bother, isn’t the aim to win?” “If I cannot win why bother”. So we still too long and think too much of the humiliation we face. We hear the whispers, “poor thing, so much potential, wasted”. Another nail in the coffin, why bother? The results will not match the potential, what was the point of it all?

Since the race has been lost why bother. Will I lay here and let the shame of my defeat wash over me?

Then there is the story of Derek Redmond. A story that leaves you in tears.

The first time I saw this video I cried and I am sure you will do the same: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZlXWp6vFdE)

But It’s not over. Should we run to win the race or to complete it? Which is greater? When others pass by, long gone, for one reason or another, giving up is not an option. What is the prize that we should aim for when we run our race? Is it that piece of paper that you get at graduation, that promotion, that house car, what is the prize that we should run for. If there is one thing that I realise it is that he did not continue to get a medal that chance had long gone, but still he continued to finish his race. All his life he was known as a winner and when winning mattered so much to so many, finish mattered more in the end for him.

For us too, many of us face hurdles that damage us so greatly that we feel like walking off the track instead of continuing. However, we have to continue we have to press on. I realise it is not how we start but how we finish our race. Mny remember Redmon’s race than they do the race of the person who won. Many persons have been inspired by his seeming defeat to continue at a time when they feel like giving up. It is true that our actions have a great impact on us and others who look on at what we do and say and from that we can inspire generations to come.

Though we may lose more than we win, we must run the race with the determination to finish, knowing that we will not finish alone.

Speaking A New Story…

Be careful how you treat people today because they may have the fabric you need to create your story. Be careful what you hold on to from your past because it may stop you from seeing your future. Most importantly, be careful the words you utter because they may kill the stories waiting to be told.

There are times when we love to be a part of the story and we never want to be the story because it may have painful parts that we do not want to share or be exposed to. So we languish in the rot of yesterday’s garbage and wonder why we seem stuck in the same place we have been trying to get out of from ever since. Why our story is still the same and why everything seems to change except our situations.

Maybe we have spoken too much of the things we cannot do and refuse to speak and write about what we have the power to do. If we really want to tell our story we cannot wait on someone to give us the words to do or, worst yet, letting others use their pens to write it for us. No fortune teller can tell you what to do or what you need to know to craft a life you deserve. If that were the case where would that leave our connection with the Almighty. No one will create that movie worthy scene that will climax into you winning the day, triumphing over all adversities and coming out on the other side. You can’t steal someone else’s story to make your own. No matter how much you dream it were so. We have to make our own stories. Speak the words that will make it so and live lives that tell the truth of who we are.

You have been set apart, specially gifted but waiting too long to realise this can be the great error of your life. Before a story is written down on the page, it has to be lived and told and encrypted in the soul. When we take away all that we have accumulated here on the earth, without all those things, what is the story of ourselves, without the entrapments of titles and accolades?

Speak a new story that does not have the stench of the past but the promise of a new day. Each day is such, where we get the chance to build on what we have already been given, accumulating people unto ourselves we will play a crucial role in the totality of the story and not things that leave when the going gets tough and leave a bitter taste.

When we ask if there is something greater than where we are, chances are there is. The only problem is we do not know how to wait and see. So, we tell the same old story because we do not have the courage to be encouraged at the signs that tell us, better is ahead. The truth is, we are too scared to think of the possibility of another story than the one we have been fed all our lives.

Be prepared to tell a new story because change is a constant that no one can escape, even if we try.

Has this pandemic experience and quarantine period made you consider telling a new story of your life? Think about the ways in which you have been changed by what has happened and decide how your story will shape up moving forward. Do not wait for someone to come and tell you who you are and what you will do. The power and knowledge is already there within you.

Grace and peace to you from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come… (Rev1:4a)

Black and Red Typewriter

Why Your Lane Isn’t Built to Last.

In the past I have extolled the importance of staying in your lane and I still believe it is important to do so. It is important to do so if you want to have peace of mind and to focus on your own journey. However, what of you no longer want to stay in that lane, you had been so comfortable in for so long? Does it mean that you are reaching beyond the perimeters of your capabilities?

Yes, we are creatures of habits, but one that we do not consider as fixed in our lives is the need to evolve. If you get bored easily or have lost your passion in whatever field you are a part of, then maybe staying on the course you are on is no longer feasible.

Timelapse Photography of Road With White and Red Lights

It is not that you will suddenly stop doing you and stop paving your own way. No not all! Instead it means that you want to try a lane that offers more room to fail, grow and conquer new dreams, new ideas and new ways of getting things done. Now, the crucial thing here is that while you are in the process of doing this, if you are not moving in silence you may have to do serious battle with those who tell you to stay where you are because that is where you belong.

No, switching lanes does not mean you have suddenly lost your way. What it can mean is that you no longer have to bid your time, or be carefully restrained. It means that you are confident enough now, having found your footing, to tackle a lane that at one time in your life seemed beyond your scope, whether that was how you felt or how others felt for you. You are not going to look at someone else’s example, someone who failed, and decide that it’s better to stay put because that will happen to you.

As you continue to run your race, you have to evaluate how you are feeling and how you have changed and decide, independent of anyone else, whether you need to stay or change lanes.

It is reassure to know you are good at something and spend time perfecting your craft, to know that you are doing something meaningful and fulfilling. However, if we have learnt anything so far, it is that we cannot predict what is around the corner. Your plans may need to be altered or thrown out the window all together! You may also have to reevaluate what you believed or hoped for. Your lane is no different. Because of the unpredictable nature of life, that lane that you first begin in, may not be the one you continue in. It is okay to change lanes, if you are convinced it is the right course of action. One thing I have learned, this is that even with the best plans, we have to be flexible enough to make that lane change if or when we have to.

Coincidence?

I am currently working on a paper focused on Trauma in the work of Haitian-American novelist, Edwidge Danticat and I find the poem below and made some connections. The first time I was introduced to her work was via the daughter of a close family friend when I was in high school. That book was Breath, Eyes, Memory and I was both confused, distressed and captivated by the events unfolding in the novel. There was so much pain reflected in the lives if the characters, yet they bore it as best they could and were so strong. It taught me about the true meaning of being strong in the face of great adversities. Since then, I have read many of Danticat’s work and continue to learn about the Haitian spirit that I now realise can never be r truly captured by certain international entities that try to do so.

Breath, Eyes, Memory - The Barnes & Noble Review

I recently found a poem [that I will leave below] I had written as I became immersed in learning a little bit more about my Caribbean neighbours; a country that has been shrouded is mystery and misunderstandings. It is not a coincidence that I am now working on a thesis focused on this writer; stories that speak to more than a history of violence and traumas. It had not been my intention. However, when we step back and take a closer look we are able to connect the dots of events and actions in our lives that at first seemed peculiar, disjointed and disconnected.


The Cries of the Unbroken          .
 
Mwen pa two byen
I’m not too well
I can’t find dey way,
Di light gone.
Eske ouka ede nou souple?
Can you help us please?
It was the shaking,
The shaking Mama.
It turn mi on mi head.
It swell mi belly an’ shove dirt
Over mi.
Mi bone tremble,
Oh Lord!
Ah tremble!
Oh  Lord!
 
Father a sinking
Francois, Jean, Boukman
Save mi, a shaking, a trembling
Ah dying!
 
My brother, eske ou ka ede nou souple?
Can you help us please?
My pride stands on the other side,
Jus’ ova soah.
I am dry.
Brother man
Father man
Mother woman
Sister!
Touch dis descendant of a,
Slave…
Stop,
The worms running out,
Stop the hole.
Father!
Father…
 
Yes, I hear you.
You callin’ mi Daddy oh?!
 
I’ll fly away to glory,
I’ll fly away…
****************************************************************************
The water,
It in mi lungs,
I try to swim but I dragging under
I scream!
I cry,
I cry.
 
I cry!
My mind, my body
My soul.
My ears are filled with it.
The water,
In
Every .cell  a mi hair
Strand.
My heart is swimming in it.
I see
My ancestors.
                                                                      Chile wi gonna save yuh!
 
Sa ki pa touye ou li an grese
That which doesn’t kill you makes you fat.
The water can’t touch you, no more.
The pain in yuh chest,
Gone.
Hold di res’ inna yuh hand,
Squeeze it,  shut!
They can’t beat you no more.
The skin off yuh back,
Ain’t coming off,
Tenk God.
The water running in the
Basin,
That is you.
Wash them opprimer away.
What a friend we have in Jesus…
 
The truth is in you.
The black star shine
Bright.
Strong.
Up, Up an’
Kimbo…
Kery on pep la gen gonm
The people's pen can never be erased.

What Do We Have to Lose?

As many of us get older, loss becomes a thing we dread. People we have known all our lives, old and young begin to die and we begin to wonder, who next, what else will we lose next? We experience the joy of gaining material possessions only to lose them when we least expect to. Then there are the friendships and those other relationships that we lose along the way. All these losses are like mini-volcanic eruptions that threaten to consume us with their lavas, their molten touches, deadly.

We almost always think of loss as something bad, something to avoid, however, no matter how much we would wish to, we can never escape its experience.

Many persons hold on too tightly and for far too long to things that do not work anymore or things we should have given up a long time ago, and miss out on what is beyond those losses. We fear losing an income so we stay in a job that we were never meant to be in or have nothing more to offer. We hold on to relationships that are toxic because we do not want to be alone, we don’t want to be the odd one out.

Do not let your vision be filled with the ashes of what you loss.

However, loss has many great possibilities. When someone you love dies and you feel you cannot survive it, you do. You survive and you realise that you were built strong; you were built to endure so much loss and be stronger than you were before. When you lose that thing that was more than life itself and you feel as if you have nothing, you realise that life is the most important possession you have. Life is the most important, because if you have it there is nothing that you cannot have once again that will be equal to, or greater than what you thought was so important. From that experience you come to understand that there is more to life than the things you hope to gain, whether it be possessions or recognition.

When you lose the ability to go where you want to, when you want to, you begin to appreciate the simple miracle of waking another day to experience what a particular time in your life allows you to experience. We begin to appreciate what we have and also what we do not have and realise that it doesn’t take much, just a positive outlook to transform a broken situation into a blessing. Losing the ability to truly experience freedom,means that you value it more and are willing to not only secure your own but anyone else’s that may be threatened.

When you lose the ability to have what you want because you can no longer afford it, you begin to appreciate what you do have. When you realise that you have lost some of your loved ones along the way, you begin to appreciate more, those who are left. When your health begins to fail, you begin to take better care of yourself and you truly begin to honour this temple God has given you. When you lose all your friends because of your unshakable stubbornness, you begin to seek the truth of what true humility is and get rid of an ego that had left no room for anyone else in your life.

When a bloom dies, if you stick around long enough, another will eventually take its place…

There are so many things that we needed to lose this year and we did not even know. We needed to lose our pride, fear, doubt , self-sabotaging ways, excuses as to why things have not worked so far, our procrastinating ways. Yes, we also needed to lose someone people, because that is just the nature of relationships, not all of them were meant to last. Some people were sent into our lives to teach us and then leave us. However, in losing them it does not mean that we should forget what they left us with, the knowledge and growth we experienced and we should be grateful. Grateful that they came and grateful that they left when they did because it was the right time, it was after all only for a time. This also include things that we acquire over time. In losing things there is not only room for something else but something better that is even more suited to where we are in our lives.

Losing things fill us with so much grief, and sometimes we spend so much time griefing for the thing or person we have lost that we never recover. We never fully accept the gift of losing. We never move beyond a broken place, to be able to recognise that those losses can manifest precious gems, gems that can never be bought, stolen or sold.