Author: Simone

Here is a message we have heard all the time in many different ways. But I think we all need to be reminded of this. It’s easy for this message to be lost in the highly competitive world that we live in…

A UK study conducted in 2017 by the Royal Society for Public Health and the Young Health Movement ranked Instagram the worst for mental health in young people. When we see people sharing “their lives”, going out constantly, taking trips around the world and generally “living their best lives”, it can cause anxiety and depression in many. But why? These negative feelings stem from the fact that these images make many feel as if they are missing out, or not doing enough to make their lives great.

Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.  Assume your own responsibility.

Galatians 6:4-5

We look around and see that everyone is trying to attain what they believe to be the ideal life. We receive pressure from school, our parents and our friends to measure success by what others have or are doing. A lot of young people seem to find school less and less rewarding, not because it’s not where their interest lies but because a lot are gravitating towards the social media culture. In a discussion with my sixth form students, we were discussing why so many of their classmates were missing from school. One person informed me that some had given up basically on school and were trying to “make it” on social media. Another student pointed out a sad reality, ” many of them are at home with zero subscribers because they don’t really understand how social media works?”

How many of us are guilty of venturing down a path that we really are not interested in beyond, what we can get out of it? When we do things for gain and not because we are excited or passionate about, any success that we may have can never be sustained. A simply analogy is this: if you do something only for praise and to have material gain then the reward will be empty. Do it because you love it, because it makes you happy and others are positively impacted by what you do.

So, don’t be anxious about what others are doing or how much they have accomplished in a short time. If you are able to find your passion and pursue it, you my friend are already a success. You will not be remembered for how well you tried to be someone you are not, the unique qualities that only you possession. Once you recognise that you have been living a life of comparisons, pause and count your blessings. Be thankful for what you do have and what you can do. Remove negative energy by always expressing gratitude. Be thankful also for your flaws, for they have made you who you are and they remind you that no one is perfect. And when you see someone you admire, don’t try to tear them down so you can be where they are. Support and encourage them and others will do the same for you.

Also know that comparisons do not support love for it says in James 3:16:
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. Instead of comparison, focus on your journey Focus on becoming through what you can learn and what you can create independent of the next person. If you remain stuck on what others are doing, you will never know what you are suppose to be doing and what you truly want. The next time you have a decision to make don’t discourage yourself by comparing yourself to others; your purpose has been tailor made for you.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope

Jeremiah 29:11

I am sure many track and field enthusiasts can attest to the agonizing experience at least once, of seeing your favourite athlete being disqualified from a race, for a false start. However, that feeling does not compare to that of the athlete. It’s hard to imagine walking away from a race you have been been preparing for all your life. Yet, in our own ordinary daily lives, many of us are faced with the prospect of walking away from things that initially seemed right for us. It is after coming to a crossroad that we begin to contemplate whether what we thought was an actual race was a false start…

What’s the big deal?

A false start can be viewed as an unsuccessful attempt to begin something. I am sure that we all have experienced this or we are now experiencing it. There is a crazy thought concerning false starts in life. Sometimes we believe that we are doing well and that everything is going according to plan. Doubts may assail us, but we figure it’s the devil trying to get us off track! However, along the way things starts happening may suggest to us that we are not on the right track and that really this is not even our race. We discover that we had entered the wrong race; all out energy effort and talent had been focused on the wrong event. It was a false start. Now we are back at the dreaded, square one.

What do we do?

When we realise that what we having been chasing was not ours to chase, what do we do? Do we stop right there and give up, do we pursue the path that is not ours, and continue to struggle? Or, do we take the brave yet difficult decision to start once more on the path that will lead to a peace of mind and a measure of success? It’s never easy to count up our mistakes, but it’s necessary to use them as teaching moments that lead to a much more rewarding life. False starts can be a blessing from God, if we choose to look at them as such. A false start, in any or all areas of your life can make you mentally tough, more patient, compassionate and considerate. when we are given a second chance after a false start, we need to ensure and be intentional about never make the same mistake.

But still be careful what you think…

Sometimes when we think we have made a false start, we need to ask, how rewarding have our lives been thus far. Because sometimes when we think we have made a mistake, it is something that we were destined to do. Some persons may feel that they are in the wrong profession or in the wrong relationships. But how do we know whether we are right about this? We need to assess how much we have grown and gained by being where we are. If you have gained some measure of success, happiness and contentment then maybe that is where your passion lies and where you belong. Before we make the mistake of letting go we need to make sure that we check in with God to know whether or not we had made the right start.

“Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.”

― Mark Matthews

Is there value in apologies?

Apologising has become a serious craft for many persons in our society, and is especially the case in 2019. We see where more and more well-known persons around the world have been accused of numerous wrongdoings and the go to solution is a public apology. There are many reasons why this is so. Some view an apology as the quickest way to get back into the good graces of those they have wronged – which may include the public! Also, it worked for others so it’s likely to work for them. However, apologies are a dime a dozen as more people are wronged or offended and the apologists feel the need to move on and the quickest way to do this is with a meaningless and thoughtless apology..

Apologies are important to many people, when done sincerely. The problem is that sometimes when we apologise, we are not being sincere. We apologise because it is expected and because we are trying to manipulate others to ultimately get our way. The insincere apologist will apologise, look in your eyes with insincere forlorn and do the exact thing they just apologised for! You will catch them nine times out of ten doing the same thing and there is always a quick apology ready to distract you from expressing your anger, frustration and overall displeasure. These professional apologist are diabolical liars. These are the ones who have honed and perfected the art of apologising. And if you allow them to, they will continue to perpetuate the cycle.

Apologise because it’s the right thing to do…

The hardest thing to get is an honest and sincere apology. It’s hard because many persons do so for the wrong reasons. Do not apologise, if you do not believe you have done something wrong. Why? It’s better to be honest in the moment about what you believe than to deceive. Apologise because you are truly remorseful and not because it seems to make everything okay. Be genuinely remorseful about what you have done or not done, what you have said or not said or false assumptions that have impacted others. Don’t apologise because you have been caught or when you have lost something valuable that you need to regain. An apology is not a weapon to undermine, silence or negate the hurt of others, but a tool that helps to repair damaged bridges to wholesome relationships.

So the next time you apologise, mean what you say and say what you mean.

you will know you really mattered when it’s time to say goodbye

S.G

What is only two stages of our interactions really matter and of the two one is more important than the other. For me hello and goodbye are those two stages. When we first encounter someone we want to make the best impression. We take the time to find out about the person place or thing we are about to experience for the first time. First impressions matter.

Can I get a hello?

They matter especially when it may be the only impression we get to make. They matter when we want to set the right tone in the relationship going forward. Also, new experiences can be traumatic if you do not start on the right footing a pleasant greeting can do the trick though to alleviate tension and make those experiences pleasant ones. On countless occasions I have passed someone and said “hello”, “good morning”, only to be stared down or totally ignored. Trust me, I felt so self- conscious and bit embarrassed that I made a fool of myself (well I’m never doing that again, until the next time). So hello does have the power to brighten someone’s day and could very well be the human contact someone is waiting for. An invisible bridge that connects individual.

But what about goodbye?

Have you ever found yourself in the process of leaving or having already left, and not say goodbye? Did you leave feeling guilty that you did? When my grandmother who raised me died, there was an even deeper sense of loss, guilt and shame, because the night before she died I had spent some time waiting for her return from doing a heart test. It was getting late and I decided to leave because she was to come home the next day anyway. What would it hurt to wait till then to see her? She never came home and so I never had a chance to tell her how much she meant to me. It was too late. For that I felt as if I had somehow let her down; I did not wait to say hello but more importantly, the goodbye.

When we don’t say goodbye, we leave room for shame and guilt to manifest. When we do not say goodbye, many may feel that may be we believe they are no longer worth the time and effort to acknowledge them as we leave them or they leave us (then they think, “after all they got what they wanted”). Neither do we nor the persons we leave behind have a sense of closure, we are left to carry this guilt, to nurture it if we allow ourselves to do, for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we do not realise that the reason we are unable to “move on”, to be positive as we journey along is because we have not properly said our goodbyes. There are many persons who hate goodbye, but saying goodbye is a part of life – whether or not we like it. One of the most reliable thing in this world is change. Change will always take place, hence the popular phrase, “the wind of change”. By failing to say goodbye, we are saying that we are not ready to close the door on something that needs closing and therefore cannot open ourselves to the great things that await us.

Hello goodbye…

If we try to be clever for a minute, we can see goodbye waiting in the wings when we say hello; there is no way of moving to another hello, without a proper goodbye. When we realise that in every hello is a goodbye then we will be prepared when it’s time for someone to take their leave of us or ours of them. So, as you reach out and say hello, remember that you will need to say goodbye at some point, so you can say hello to something new.

You’re fooling yourself if you don’t believe it
You’re killing yourself if you don’t believe it
Get up, get back on your feet
You’re the one they can’t beat and you know it
Come on, let’s see what you’ve got
Just take your best shot and don’t blow it

Styx

I was recently made aware of this song and felt it really reflects what I want to convey. Sadly, we all have caught this virus and will be catching it many times over! We too often fool ourselves in too many ways. I do not know the artist and I have never heard the song before today but I found this section of the song striking when I think of the many ways in which we fool ourselves- when we think we are fooling others.

Fools in their world…

We think too much, it’s that simple. We think and think and think, until what is real becomes unreal and what is unreal becomes our reality. We think ourselves into becoming that which we were never suppose to be and then we live our lives trying to measure up to the person we have constructed in our minds. We have major arguments or even fights with someone in our circle, (in our heads) and when they are around we are ready to explode with rage. How dare they! while we are there trying to burst some blood vessels that same “enemy,” walks up to us, says or does something nice and we are left with a bag of rage with nowhere to direct it. After all the person was never the enemy and we had constructed them as such because they made us feel slighted – which could also stem from our insecure thoughts.

When we accept that we have limits and work like a hamster on his wheel to make those limits stick, then we are fooling ourselves. Not only are we fooling ourselves but we have allowed others to fool us. When the truth that we believe is not our truth but the truth as ordained by someone else. Not only that but when we accept that nothing can and will change it when we have completely assumed the role of the fool. And what makes it worse is that while we are there acting the fool we are amused by another fool, doing the same thing and of course you will never be like them. Right? One fool and then there are many!

There are many who assume that they are where they are because that is just what should be; they accept being in toxic relationships because they are somehow grateful that that person have made them a part of their world, not acknowledging that the cost to be there may be too high and the reward too low. Some may think the end justify the means, when they have destroyed the lives of others in reaching the top. We all fool ourselves but there are many who go too far and end up forgetting what it’s like to be real.

Remember the saying :
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. (Abraham Lincoln). But more importantly, you can’t fool God!

When you are wrong, admit it. When you are right be quiet.

Buddah

Both intention and action require involvement but one has the potential of being deferred; one is mental the other physical. I want to remind many of you that many of us live inside our heads a lot more than we do in the real world. We make plans, then change them, consider the likelihood of success or failure and most times end up discarding them; while others look at us either in pity or suspicion. Pity that we can’t seem to get off the ground and suspicion that we can never make up our minds. some may even ask the question, “can we trust you”?

I was enlightened recently on a perspective I had always taken for granted, in a discussion with a group of friends concerning human nature. The conversation started simply enough as we tried to understand what made us or anyone act a certain why, it ended with this nugget: we are not born inherently good, and it is easier for us to do what is bad than what is good. Easier to sin than not.

Now please take a minute to think about it. How often have you succumbed to the temptation to do something that you know is wrong generally or that is wrong for you. It’s easier for many to eat food that is unhealthy than reach for a healthier alternative. We find ourselves saying the wrong things and making bad decisions than the other way around. It may have been our intention to do good, but it never seems to quite go the way we intend it to go. Our words or action end up conveying a message that we had never intended.

Or is this the case? Are we being honest about our intention?

It’s easy to say, “that’s not what I meant to do or say” – when we are challenged in some way. Is it true or even fair to say that we are nothing but what we do? Take your minds eye and look within and let us be honest with ourselves. Is there a part of us that really intended the action we carried out, a part of us that we refuse to acknowledge, because we know, it signifies a side to our nature that is not “our best”. It’s great to have good intentions but do we also have bad ones and how do we recover when the bad manifest, in how we treat others? No one is only good or bad we are both. We may have to work really hard to do what is right by focusing on the right intention. It is true that our actions are what we are judged on and not what we intended to do.

Make sure that you do not only become intention focused and not action driven. Make sure to water your good intentions so they can bear fruit but don’t forget to weed out the bad when you see them smothering the good ones.

On that fateful day

that marked the beginning of the end

when all expected a King,

the image of the brave and resolute leader come to blunder and conquer

He would not comply

He humbly entered through the gates

to later perform a task none could replicate.

He did not do it for the cheers of the crowd

certainly not to add fame to his name

But simply because that had always been his aim…

S.Grant

“Say to the daughter of Zion, ‘Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, and mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden'”

Matthew 21:5

Today is Palm Sunday. So I thought today would be a good time to consider our actions. The focus is often times on the triumphant entry that Jesus made into Jerusalem. However, I want to consider the method of his entry. When he entered he was riding a donkey and many may have wondered, why not a horse? Maybe even his disciples. But the donkey was the best choice on his mission.

Why Donkeys Matter…

Lessons From a Donkey…

We too need to learn the art of intuition when we are deciding who to let into our lives and who to let go of. In choosing to ride into Jerusalem on a donkey, Jesus choose an animal that was dependable and would help him carrying out his mission. They aligned perfectly.

We also need to trust our decisions and our gut feelings. Do not let the opinions of others sway you into a situation or position you had zero intentions of being a part of. Trust that you are doing what is best and what is right for you. You don’t want a situation where you are left stranded because that person bailed on you. At that point it’s all on YOU.

Though a donkey is referred to as a beast of burden, it also has its limits. Do not allow someone to misuse you because you are “kind” or “never complain”. Let others know how far they can go and when they do go beyond that line, check them quickly, so the mistake is never made again.

Dig deeper than what can be seen with the naked eyes when dealing with others. I am sure that if not all, most of us know that many people are not what they appear to be, and sadly the bad may outweigh the good. There are too many persons ready to deceive you about their true intentions. It’s important to move with caution when you recognize this quality in persons you have to associate with. Never think you can influence or change them, you never will. Just having a knowledge of who they really are will save you a lot of wasted time and energy.

For Jesus the donkey was another source of strength in helping him to stick to his mission; that in all the euphoria of the entrance there was more to come, a burden that eventually he alone would carry. So next time you see a donkey, remember your own strength in finding your truth beyond the hype.

The strength of the donkey mind lies in adopting a course inversely as the arguments urged, which, well considered, requires as great a mental force as the direct sequence.
George Eliot