Born Again Each night I shed my skin and take it off look within to see what remains after each imperfect thing I could be condemned for. Out of the ashes I am leaving to capture life and begin anew on this same narrow road prepared a long time wholly good and wholly mine where cracks and crookedness are all apart of a beautiful design. on mended wings- broken once- will spread them wide to take flight above the hills and many mountains to a destination predetermined.
Tag: thinking about things differently
The Season of Violations
The Season of Violations I first feel the biting cold sinking its fangs into my soft supple flesh. Tearing at the meat it hits bone, and sinks further. aAn electric shock that would have knocked me on my knees - if I were not already there- wounded deeply by betrayal. The hole they threw me in is so dark - it was not for my colourful coat that they condemned me- but for my young flesh, youthful blood. Stones have been thrown down at me with no space to dodge them I take them inside of me forming nuggets of rot hate and decay. For a moment I had seen a thread of light, but it was snatched away from me my violations left to fester for some time longer. Seasons come and seasons go or do they go and come? I do not know. My limbs refuse to move to be tempted by the winds of change, by possibilities. But could it be the season must end? I must be restored, and one day soon I must and will snatch back my true self, and wield this jaw of defeat as my weapon of victory.
Fatal Narcissi
Fatal Narcissi Foolish human beings who think we are gods see the writing on the wall and still proceed to tear asunder through great blunder those valuable seeds that contain our dreams. Potential lost like garbage tossed on the wildly improbable and obscene. We mourn our folly that one great fall that leaves us to pick up the pieces like a never ending siege.
Accountability
Do you still blame your situation on circumstances beyond your control? I do. All the time. And I know I need to stop. I know it solves nothing. I know it leads nowhere.
It is so easy to blame your problems on things outside yourself. It is so tempting to offload all of that responsibility onto something else, especially if you feel or know within your heart it is justified. However, what purpose does this serve? Does it mean that by blaming others or something else, we can work through or even solve those problems?
When we think about accountability, we often times, think in terms of someone else. It is hard for many of us to separate our feelings from fact and see that we may have a lot of responsibility for the undesirable seasons we find ourselves in. When the wound is fresh and we are blinded by the pain of a particular situation we ignore the fact that the vehicle that carried us to where we are, are based on the decisions and choices that we made. Yes, those behind it may be evil, wicked people, but did we know that they were evil, wicked people going in? Did we know we were entering blindly, lacking the proper wisdom and knowledge and still went in? Did we know that we were starting something that held no guarantee, but we did it anyway. Now we are devastated because the results do not match our expectations – even if we knew those expectations were baseless.
Yes, there are times when really, things just happen and we have to roll with the punches and make the best of a bad situation. On the other hand, what we choose to do after the unexpected, may require us to take some if not all of the blame for the way things turned out. Things happen, all the time, but how we react to those things is a choice we make, whether it takes an eternity or a split second to make that choice. At the end of the day it was a choice that we made. There is no going back from it and there is no hiding from it either.
Can we take accountability fully and stop watching as things fall a part? When we see things are not working out, whether with a project we are working on, a relationship, job or friendship, we may need to step into solution mode and stop blaming everything around us. Do you know someone who seems to never get along with anyone, never fit in anywhere and can never do anything right? Maybe we check those boxes? Well at what point does it become a matter of that person taking a good look internally, and not what others have done or not done, not focusing on what opportunities were given or not given, but at what that person did or not do, believe or not believe assumed or not assumed? Unless there are perfect persons walking here on earth, then at some point the continuous valley season some of us experience may more than likely have something to do with what we are doing or not doing.
Accountability is necessary. It is important to hold others accountable but it is more important in solving our own problems, to make sure that we are holding ourselves accountable. So no excuses, do not fall in the trap of being a bystander in your own life, take accountability, know what you are about, take back your power and do what is needed to write your story in the way you see fit.
Is it Me?
Is it Me? Is it me or did life get harder when I turned eighteen? Did the games we play turn into nightmares? Those doll house turning into true horror houses. Who knew that the fun would end and to survive we would have to bend to uncompromising wind? Though there were childhood horrors they pale against the terror of fighting untold torchbearers. Did our daily bread transform into a rocks too hard to chew and deadly to consume? Is it me or does it seem that finding the sun means fighting the rain so I can see again?
Remove that Dark Cloud
Change your position and remove that dark cloud hanging over you.
This is the message I got today and I want to share it. We are all guilty for, at one time or another, chasing something that is not for us and running from what is. Have you noticed how much trouble this brings? Well it does, we deceive ourselves by thinking the way we are going is the only way and we run away from the centre of who we are. We choose to ignore where we should go and do because, we don’t like it. We see everyone else moving in a wave and it looks cool and we want to be a part of it, but we are better off going the opposite way.
We entre relationships, hold on to them when they bring us more harm than good. Then, we wonder why nothing ever works out, why people leave and why we just seem to always in the wrong crowd. We pick at the tree that is not fruitful, a tree that is not flourishing and expect to be nourished. But the roots of that tree is rotting and because we are blind we cannot see, because we have lost our sense of smell we can smell the stench that warns of the dangers and damage that this rotting tree will bring.
When things are falling a part do we really need to go down with the ship? Of course not! We need to stop going, stop thinking that if we just carry on things will get better, that things will change. But we need to be humble enough to know when to let go, to admit that the decisions we made were mistake, to say sorry and get back on the path we should have stayed on, doing what we were meant to be doing. We need to wake up in those times and do something, not read self help books and internalize what we read, we need to always be willing to do the work that will remove the dark cloud over our heads.
We all are different, but we all can relate to having those clouds over us. We need to take the time to remove them to truly talk through them, so we can experience the brilliant light hiding behind them.
Hurt people Hurt
Hurt people Hurt i am not a toy you can play with when i displease you you cannot put me away when you need me you cannot then pick me back up i am not here for your pleasure to dance and shift as your whim fancies i'm not here today and gone tomorrow like a figment of your imagination i am not a pet project a hobby that bears the essence of a novelty to wish me dead because i harmed you and to lift me up when i please you i am not your mirror to reflect what you need to see your voice that soothes your ego your pleasure is not my pain so i will not claim it you cannot know me because you have not earned that right my i will become my I now hear me! did you hear me? Yes. To divest from selfish to self-less I peeked into hell and as I did I looked deeply too deeply and saw carnage some created by me.
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