Tag: Finding your happy place

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.

Mark 4:39

Have you ever noticed how loud some people are? For every topic they have something to say for every event they have something to do; they are never still, they are never quiet. Or, have you been in your house and heard the conversation your neighbor was having on the phone? It’s annoying because you really do not want to hear them. But for some, the notion of being still is a life long battle. For these persons silence is the enemy and they try to defeat it by keeping nonstop stream of consciousness conversations with persons whether or not their audience wants to hear. Some use noise as a way of keeping loneliness at bay and silence the turmoil within. But sometimes when we make too much noise we end up saying things that we later regret. Because in doing too much we end up doing nothing at all. At least nothing that will bring good results.

Every island to a child is a treasure island

P.D. James, The Lighthouse

At an early age one of my greatest wish was to live on an island by myself; with no one else.When I shared this many were incredulous. “that’s selfish”, “you’ll get lonely”; while all that is true they never asked the important question: why. Why did I feel this way? So I revised it to wanting to be a nun. Again that ended up being an even worse choice. But again why? By that age I had learned enough to know that people can hurt each other badly. I had been hurt enough to know that I did not want to repeat the experience. People I loved had already disappointed me over and over.By the time I had taken it into my head that I wanted to live on an island I was fed up with it all. But I was only 11! So since I could not find my own Island and the nunnery thing was a no go, I decided that creating my own fantasy world would be the next bet. But again, people would not let me be and I was forcefully and unceremoniously brought back to reality many times.

Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them

Lou Holtz

Silence then has become my greatest shield from the unpleasantness of life in general and people specifically. When people are unsure of you, they are more careful about how they treat you and what they say to you. You avoid unpleasant confrontations by not reacting, and some people are flabbergasted by this move. When you are quiet you have time to think. You think about what people say and how they say it to you and then to others. You think about when people approach you, why, where and how. You begin to notice little things that are really big things, because you are neither speaking nor moving. You will understand a little bit more about why you are the way you are, where you are and how you can get out of those bad situations you placed yourself in. Silence has taught me that you can be around persons most of your life and if they had to, they would give the wrong eulogy at your funeral, because they never really knew you and they never really wanted to do so any way.

Silence Has A Sound….

― Muhammad Imran Hasan

The best thing about silence I have found, is that while prolonged silence can be an uncomfortable experience, it can also yield the best results. Through silence you can have many “aha” moments, discover how to truly be efficient because you have clarity gained through real and deep introspection. And we come to accept that reality is a much safer place to be; that we can see clearer without tinted lenses.

Just before the tears reach your lashes to begin their descent, stop it with a smile.

As the spring well of all your pent up frustration spews over like larva ready to consume, stop it with

a smile.

When you find yourself buckling under the weight of your distress, use the crutch of

a smile.

Just as you are about to put on your sack cloth and prepare your ashes, pause

smile.

Even when you know that you have failed and will do so again shortly; stop, breath, breath again and

smile.

As the curtains descend and you think this is the end, look up look into the crowd and

smile.

Even after the tears have fallen, even though you tried to gather them back,

Let go and

smile.

Smile you are still alive.

Smile it could have been worse.

Smile for all those who truly have it worst.

Smile because the pain will only last for a moment in time.

Smile just because you can.

Smile awhile and give your face a rest.

Smile for the joy, peace and victories that are just ahead.

Simone Grant

She washes

She cooks

She cleans

She nurses

She stifles the screams

He sleeps

He watches

He texts

He ignores the pleas

She scrubs

She rubs

She loves

She curses

She wishes for different

He relaxes

He plays

He creates

He works to provide

She cries

She sighs

She stops

She Lies

She makes up excuses

He remains…oblivious

– Shelly-Ann Daley

Happiness has been defined as a sense of well-being, joy and contentment. Many also label it as an allusive state – living life with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction. According to Psychology Today, happiness can improve a persons physical health and a longer lifespan. They further point to research that indicates that happiness is under our personal control.

Sadly many of us are not aware of this truth. we attach our happiness to specific persons or things around us, “I’m happy if you’re happy” or “I’ll be happy when I get this”. Does this sound familiar? Some also wait on a major achievement to be happy, but happiness is a habit, a lifestyle. We must not expect someone to give us the key to happiness, we already have it, we have just misplaced it. We have to find the things that bring us joy and do them regularly; we need to pursue challenges that we thrive on, setting goals at regular intervals and make sure we meet them and finding purpose beyond our limited world; all can bring much satisfaction. But, it seems that we are always pursuing happiness.

Happiness and Being Content

Contentment has been defined as the state of being happy and satisfied. This does not mean that at a certain point in life we stop striving to improve, but it’s more about being happy with where you are at a given point in your life- whether that place is good or bad to you. In other words consider the words of Paul in Philippians 4: 11-12 :  

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

While we should all, like Paul, get our source of contentment from God, we can consider the level of happiness we want to attain.

According The World Counts, there are four levels of happiness:

• Level 1: Laetus: Happiness based on material objects
• Level 2: Felix: Happiness from comparison
• Level 3: Beatitudo: Happiness from doing good
• Level 4: Sublime Beatitudo. Ultimate, perfect happiness

Many today are fixated on Laetus, and come to realize that this is just a temporary fix – money can’t buy happiness, even if it gets us everything else. Then there are those who work hard to catch up and pass the person just ahead and flex their success in the faces of others. But once ahead they don’t know where to go and end up on a slippery slop downhill. Also, those who feed the poor and take care of the sick but still feel empty because their intentions are questionable. The fourth level seems almost impossible. If the last is based on pursuing your potential, then many are screwed. Many do not know how to fulfill their potential – many don’t know what that is . The first three are also measurable and immediate but the last is not. True lasting happiness I have come to realize is not based on how much you have but how content you are. It’s about seeing someone else succeed and not feeling pressured to measure up. Also, it’s about knowing who you are -good and bad – and accepting all of it as being a part of you. It’s about losing everything you thought you would die without and still being able to smile, laugh out loud and even see a spark of new life just ahead. Happiness, true happiness is not devoid of pain and disappointments. It is when you are able to see beyond the negative and embrace the positive. It is when you go through both water and fire, transformed for the better.

The poem below, by Derek Walcott reflects the idea that our happiness rest on acknowledging that events can impact us but not decide our sense of well being. That even after the baptism of fire, we can see the green breath among the rubble.

A City’s Death by Fire

After that hot gospeller has levelled all but the churched sky,
I wrote the tale by tallow of a city’s death by fire;
Under a candle’s eye, that smoked in tears, I
Wanted to tell, in more than wax, of faiths that were snapped like wire.
All day I walked abroad among the rubbled tales,
Shocked at each wall that stood on the street like a liar;
Loud was the bird-rocked sky, and all the clouds were bales
Torn open by looting, and white, in spite of the fire.
By the smoking sea, where Christ walked, I asked, why
Should a man wax tears, when his wooden world fails?
In town, leaves were paper, but the hills were a flock of faiths;
To a boy who walked all day, each leaf was a green breath
Rebuilding a love I thought was dead as nails,
Blessing the death and the baptism by fire. 

Derek Walcott

I Cried

- Shelly-Ann Daley Novemeber 2008


I cried.... for the people I loved,
 
 For the people I did not love.
 
 For the people I tried to love.
 
 For the people I never got to love.
 
 I cried.....
 
 For all the pains I have been through.
 
 For all the pains I will go through.
 
 For all the pains you put me through....
 
 I cried....
 
 Though you never knew. 
 
 Though I never spoke.
 
 The pain, it still lingered.
 
 Like an unpleasant aftertaste.
 
 I looked back and I cried for all these things-
 
 The pain, the guilt, the hurt,
 
 the feeling of being undesirable, unwanted,
 
 unloved... what’s worse than the feeling of unrequited love?
 
 The question is simply answered.... nothing
 
 Nothing worse.... And I cried
 
 Pains of a piercing wound,
 
 Pains of a breaking heart,
 
 pains from the memory of a stopped heart. 
 

 

“Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for one the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? It is true that when with folded arms we weigh the pros and cons we are no less a credit to our species. The tiger bounds to the help of his congeners without the least reflexion, or else he slinks away into the depths of the thickets. But that is not the question. What are we doing here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in the immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come — ”

― Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

When I was in my second year of University I did a course – can’t remember the name of the course, (that was a whiles ago; plus I can’t even remember my name sometimes!). One of the books we did was Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. I was intrigued by the play instantly and I could not explain why, because the situation and the characters in the play were also very absurdly comical yet tragic. Why was I so fascinated with a storyline that seemed futile, frustrating and somewhat sad. I don’t think I could translate how sad I was by this tragicomedy of Vladimir, Estragon, Pozzo and Lucky. I now guess it was the idea of waiting for someone, or something with great hope and anticipation only to be the only fool who does not know it will never come (this has been overly simplified by me of course). Adding insult to insult is the fact that they wait by a leafless and presumably fruitless tree -which signifies further, the futility of their wait.

If think about how often we wait, we may begin to question the value of waiting or whether there is even anything meaningful about life. When life becomes too predictable to the point of seeming meaningless then we are losing the waiting game.

What are the lesson of waiting for Godot?

For the play published in 1952, (yes it’s that old), there are ideas that are present and relevant in our world today that we can consider. There is a real and present fear that each of us have and that is of “going against the grain”; so we think: if I do not stay within the expectations of others and what society dictates, what will become of me? And finally we think that we will be left behind if we do not take part in everything happening around us. A lot of us live lives that are just as absurd as the characters; we feel compelled to wait for someone or something that we do not have to wait for or do things we don’t have to do, but complain when we do, but still do it. By now you must realise how utterly exhausting and depressing the concept is.

When to wait…

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3

when we face a crisis in life, it sometimes pays to wait on the outcome instead of trying to buldoser our way through the situation.When we try to move before the time is right we end up making the situation worse.ultimately we lose what could have been gained by exerting a little patience and faith. We need to know when to take action and when to wait patiently.

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives.

Proverbs 16:2

Also, if you truly believe in something and are genuine with your intentions, then waiting will not be a burden. How often have you committed to something, only to lose interest and give up when things are not going according to your plans. Many of us if we are truly honest with ourselves will recognise the harsh truth. If you do something for short term gain or success, is it truly a passion? Is our pursuit of that thing something that will boost our egos and not benefit another person. When we cannot wait to see things through, it means that the venture was doomed to fail because we did not have the right intentions. It may mean finding what is really of value to us and not what is popular and “success driven”. When we are forced to wait then we can come face to face with our real motives.

And patience produces character, and character produces hope

Romans 5:4

Finally, waiting may be necessary for us to grow into the persons we were always meant to be. There are many times when we rush into situations because we cannot wait and we not only cause harm to ourselves but those who love and support us. While we want everything now, it is important to acknowledge that there is value in waiting until the time is right. Over time we can become less rough around the edges and a lot wiser. Taking the time to pay attention to details also comes from waiting, and while many may view it as being a coward, when we choose to wait we will be able to pick what is valuable and leave behind what is not. As a result, we will be rewarded for waiting in faith and we will value and appreciate what we had to wait for. Waiting therefore means that we will grow in character and come to appreciate the little things that truly matter…

And when waiting is a game you think you will lose know that one day you will say:

Time passed and the spring flowers have bloomed
I’m letting go of the cold days…

Team B (iKON)