Tag: Finding your happy place

Have you ever prayed without ceasing for something you thought you truly wanted or to do something you thought was important and it just did not happen? Then without much thought or effort on your part some things seem to just fall into place. Sometimes we fail to follow our instinct and end up making a bad situation worse or wasting time on things that get us nowhere close to where we need to be.

You may question why this is so. Why does God answer some and not all that you pray for? There are some people who seem to do very little and gain big rewards. Others sit on the reserved bench and wonder why they seem to be struggling to keep their spot on that bench while some are always in the game. We may get so anxious about what we want to do and accomplish, a milestone that should have already been reached, that we false start and take ourselves out of a race that could have been pivotal in our journey.

It’s hard to know when we are on the right track and when we have made the right decisions. However, sometimes we just need to recognize when to let go and let God direct us. If we did this more then we would know when we are to go and when we should wait; without much effort everything will seem to be following a seamless path to the the things that truly matter.

Sometimes we struggle to get to a goal we have set for ourselves and later must come to terms with the fact that it was a goal set from the fear of rejection or the fear of being viewed as a failure. But when we do something that is aligned with God’s purpose for us then there is no struggle, there is no fear, just a deep sense of satisfaction in having done something right. An immeasurable gratitude when we get something more than we bargained for. It is necessary to go with the flow; the flow of the Holy Spirit. Don’t waste time battling to go somewhere you have no business being. Instead focus on the doors that are necessary and that you can unlock.

I just wanted to share a quick message with anyone who may be going through a difficult time now. First, you are not alone there are many of us who are. Second, no matter how tough it gets, remember to keep smiling.

I was reminded today in an unexpected way how important this is. I live with an old lady who is eighty-five. Right now she is not so well. She fell a couple of days ago and is now bed bound. Since then, she has not been eating well and I know she is depressed. Today I went to feed her because she cannot do so and as I entered I was singing and smiling away. She remarked about how happy I seemed. I then proceeded to discuss with her the importance of smiling and making yourself happy, even when faced with challenges. And I realized that we both need to hear and meditate on that idea. There are a lot of uncertainties for me right now, but I have faith in the Almighty that things will work out as they should. It’s hard at times to keep the faith for the alternative must not be even be allowed the possibility of being conceived.

Life will always be a challenge. Unexpected and difficult things will always be just around a corner and even those who seem to have it all the way together will falter. The important thing is not to focus on the negative nor give power to get. We should also be careful not to pin our happiness on anyone nor idolize the lives of those who seem to have it all. Nothing is never quite what it seems. The important thing is that while you wait for the tables to turn do everything in your power to make sure that when it does, you are ready, because you had been helping out by digging a solid foundation.

And finally smile.

Smile because you know today will soon be tomorrow. Because you know that cloudy above your head is saving the brightest ray of light to shine in your life when the time is right. Smile, even when you need to rest because the pain in your jaw is telling of the strain your’re under to remain positive, to keep the faith.

Smile and smile and smile again until all the wonder waiting for you around some corner jumps out at you and take you over.

“And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.” 

― Frank Sinatra, My Way

I know the term, “My Way” can be viewed as a selfish thought but doing it your way is what we ought to be doing…

Of all the definitions of timeline, I tend to like this: a graphical representation of a period of time, on which important events are marked. Many of us operate on a timeline based on other people’s expectations. We are a success, if we have met certain milestones by a certain age. We have been programmed since birth to think this way. There are many important decisions that we make and then later end up regretting because we knew from the start that that was not where we wanted to go. But we may have felt that others must know what they are talking about and so we willingly participate in our imprisonment in a reality that we did not want. Many people may say, “be yourself”; but it’s easier said than done. When you have been told what you ought to be, it’s hard to know for yourself. So you become a pseudo you. An impostor to everyone you know, trying to convince them and yourself that what they see is all that you are.

Paint Your Picture

You have good friends who mean well but at the end of the day you have to follow the road that suits you best. It may be hard for many to follow the path that takes them further from what seems safe and familiar but sometimes that is the best path to take. You may be moving at what someone would consider snail’s pace but trust me the pace you set for yourself is much safer to follow than someone else’s. At birth you are provided with an array of paints, brushes and a canvas; you must paint your own picture and determine whether or not it belongs in a frame. The picture you create should have all the things that you want in it, and should not be crowded with the dreams and expectations of others that have been created to be lived vicariously through you, the “sacrificial promise”. The colours and hues that are wrapped together should bring you a sense of satisfaction and not discontent because they have been muddied with other colours you never chose. Your colours may not match the rules but they fit you. And that’s good enough.

Let’s be honest, the expectations of others can be our biggest restriction from painting our lives the way God intended us to paint it. There are different ways of being in this world and that is what we need to accept, of ourselves and others. It is unfair to measure others by how we measure ourselves, yet many of us not only do it but we allow others to do it to us. Many wish they could pass on every tough decision they have to make in life but if we truly want to live freely, then this is impossible. We have to forget about the expectations of others and find what makes us happy and content. It may or may not be a life of visibility or prominence but it must be a life that makes sense to the person living it.

The Path Out…

We must think of how important our input is in our own story and how it unravels. Your timeline should reflect the fact that you were actively involved in its creation and should not be filled with the opinions and ideas of what others think you should be doing; of what you should be. Go at a pace that feels right to you even if it seems that everyone has left you in the dust. You are are not behind you are just running your race. It is important that we remember that we have the tools given by God to design our lives around the things that are most important for us. Do it your way and make your timeline richer and fuller for having done so.

Honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, pure generosity, absence of vanity, readiness to serve others – qualities which are within easy reach of every soul – are the foundation of one’s spiritual life

Nelson Mandela

The notion that we cannot be without each other, is a message that we need to constantly revisit. It is an idea that many struggle to follow. The world celebrates individuality and individual achievement. We see this with the many articles on the internet that praise the individual for being “brave” for speaking out against what is wrong, for showing themselves as they truly are and doing any number of things that at another time would be deemed routine. It becomes easy for all of us to lose sight of the really important things that are often times not praised or recognized. In a world where it seems that we are compelled to think about self or survival of the fittest, we forget sometimes the importance of the collective effort.

Someone close to me recently had thirteen heads of cattle stolen and the main suspect turned out to be a friend he trusted more than many of his family members. That person was someone he helped to work on his house and ironically, whom he had bought three of the stolen cows from. He was always someone he was constantly willing to help with a financial loan. For his part, the friend helped him to take care of the cows. He would buy the required shots from him because he was also rearing cows. And whenever he did not know what to do he would get advice from his friend. It came to a point where the cows were thriving; looking even better than his friend’s cows. While everyone around him suspected this friend, he was in denial; denial is not a river in Egypt.

If we are to focus on the humanness of both the victim in the above story and the perpetrator what would we see? Could we understand how such trust could be breached or would we want vengeance for the deep betrayal. Granted we are only human and not God, but how satisfied would we be with exacting vengeance. Would the person who lost the cows get them back and would he truly be satisfied? Would the betrayer now see the errors of his ways and change? These are all challenging questions not easy to answer.

I have spoken before about Ubuntu and here I invoke the words of Judith Rich

What if what you want to be will only come about when you ensure that others get to be that as well? And what if all of humanity was on your team working towards your goal?

What if that friend had stopped at helping with the health of those cows and giving advice? Would that have given him the wealth he obviously craves? The reality is that friend is now viewed with suspicion and hate and at some point he will go too far with someone more committed to revenge. While the victim has to consider how to start over, with very little. It is doubtful as to whether or not we can truly succeed on our own, but it is without question that we thrive much more together. We now have to consider the value in thinking and living the paradigm of The Dream Team: ” I am because you are”.

An anthropologist proposed a game to children in an African tribe. He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the children that whoever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run, they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats.
When he asked them why they had run like that when one could have had all the fruits for himself, they said, ‘UBUNTU, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?’

No matter how tall the mountain is, it cannot block the sun

Chinese Proverb

“If you wish to move mountains tomorrow, you must start by lifting stones today”

-African Proverb

In the Bible mountains are mentioned more than 500 times. This suggests their importance and significance to us. Not only are they majestic and beautiful to look at but in many religions signify being close to the supernatural power of the Creator. After all it is where Moses received the ten commandments, on Mount Sanai and before that it was at Mount Horeb where God appeared to him in the burning bush! Noah’s Ark rested on Mount Ararat after the flood; Jesus was transfigured on Mount Tabor and there was the Mount where Jesus delivered the beatitudes, as just a few instances. So, Mountains have always been a source of forging and renewing our relationship with and commitment to God. It’s also where we can go for clarity away from the distractions of the world – the worries of the world fall away as we commune with God.

In our lives there are many mountains we will be faced with. When we are faced with them – speaking here about the really steep ones – our attitudes will determine if we can not only climb but conquer them. By now you will realize I am not referring to literal mountains but the pressures of life that stress us out. Just insert here some of the ones that you face now because we all can relate. Sometimes these mountains appear so monstrous, so disfigured and distorted, impossible even that we begin to lay out our surrender rags to lie on and just stop at the foot of that mountain.

All Kinds a Mountains

I am visiting my mommy in the country but today I had somewhere to go and I had little time to spare because I was trying to beat the midday heat. However, I had one task to perform before I left, I had to cook breakfast. Now if it were on the gas stove it would have been no problem, but it was on a coal stove. Any other day the coal fire would be popping -literally – in no time except today. Starting from 8:40 -10:49 (I was checking), the coal would not burn. Each time this happened that little voice poked me with a question. What are you going to do? I thought about crying and cussing and just giving up, then I remembered that today would be a good day and so I smiled and tried again. At one point a few of the coals where burning but then they began to fade out. Each time I asked myself how I wanted this day to end. Did I want to be angry, miserable and depressed because I couldn’t get to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it? And because I had committed fully to have a good day, I decided to work with the coal to coax it to where I wanted it to be, to get the breakfast done. When it finally started going at almost 11:00 a.m, by 11:30 a.m I was finished. So I ended up leaving after 12 noon in the boiling heat. As I reached the gate with my mother who would walk with me to the taxi stand, we saw a taxi coming to pass right by the gate! It was at that point that I remembered fervently praying for a taxi to pass by my gate early that morning before I had even gotten out of bed! I was not late I was right on time. It reminded me that what we achieve is not by our might nor power but by the Spirit of The Most High (Zechariah 4:6-7)

Mountains are Necessary

Mountains are necessary in our lives to build us up to the person God intends us to be. They are not to be viewed negatively but as sign post that we have reached a level of maturity where God feels we are able to conquer them and rise higher, closer to realizing and actualizing the power of The Most High within each of us. Your mountain may seem a lot higher and steeper than mine today or others around you. However, we get to climb the mountain that challenges the one we climbed yesterday. If we look at the measurements for all the mountains I mentioned above they were not all the same. It wasn’t the height that made them memorable but what each person was able to accomplish by having the mountain and mountain top experience. Not only were they transformed but the lives of those around them and those yet to come were also changed forever.

It’s hard to leave traumas behind but it’s not impossible overcome them…

S.G

We all will have to deal with traumatic experiences in life that may stop our growth and prevent us from realizing our full potential. Many of us will also hear the advice regularly given to “get over it”, but it’s easier to say than do. Some seemingly small events may play a big part in the decisions we make and the actions we take that to some may seem trivial but not to those on the receiving end. Like my granny use to say, ” what’s joke to you is death to me.” Many times persons cannot relate because they have never had that experience. By the way we are all guilty of saying, “I understand what you’re going through”, when we really don’t.

You can always count on unpleasant surprises to undermine your goals but they should not stop you. If you do, how will you know the flip side of that negative experience? You have to persevere in order to experience the joy after the pain, the sun after the rain. Avoiding the trauma does not allow you to heal from it and therefore you will have to take the “bull by the horns” (another of my granny’s favorite expressions). Do not allow life’s traumas to paralyze you, but take action before they do. Know your vulnerabilities and work on them constantly; never give up. I have found little use in waiting on someone to save you, worst to sit and wait until things change. Take action when you have gathered enough resources, put God in front and be fearless. There is much truth in the idea that in order to experience change you have to “be the change you want to see”. The situation you want to get out of will remain the same if you do not take the often times difficult route needed.

It may take a lifetime to get over some traumas and we hope not to die trying. But it is not impossible. It is not only the Phoenix we can rise from the ashes, but we can also do this. What we need to remember is that once we have a beating heart, we are alive and once we have life there is nothing that can stop us from overcoming everything life throws at us.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” 

― Rumi

Solitaire: a single gem (such as a diamond) set alone

Loneliness is an emotion and being alone can be a choice

For many persons the thought of being alone can be terrifying – especially as we get older. So we fill our lives with things and people that are suppose to bring us a sense of connection in the land of the living. Others love to be alone and find it difficult to keep up a constant stream of socializing.

Which one are you? Or do you find yourself caught somewhere between the two or even somewhere completely different?

Most times I love being alone. And it’s really sad that a lot of persons find it hard to accept or understand. I feel less pressured to “keep up appearances” and just let everything hang out and be myself. When I’m alone I can truly think for myself without anyone to censor me or burden me with their expectations. But I do not like being alone for too long. I still love to be around people and to have meaningful discussions with people I want to hear from. Or just say and do silly things; laugh out loud and have some truly hilarious interactions with my friends. I also love to be around people whether I know them or not. Because I also love to learn about others and their world.

Loneliness can be very depressing and debilitating. When you are lonely you begin to feel as if you are disconnected from everyone and everything around you. It may have started at an early age or as you got older. But wanting to be alone and loneliness have one thing in common. They never last. You may decide to be alone right now and one hour later you are over it; or it may take six months, a year or ten! We may also think we are lonely until we are not, and then we realize, “I really wasn’t I was just experiencing FOMO”.

Another thing we need to be mindful of is that loneliness and being alone can be negative. Loneliness is a state of mind and play tricks on you. You may feel alone and isolated when you really are not and it could be all down to your mental state. Remember I said I like being alone to be with my thoughts? Well it turns out that if you are alone too much with your thoughts, you can actually create epic battles and disagreements with people who truly are just living their lives not thinking about you or your problems. We may begin to over analyse everything and wind up being truly delusional. Not good!

It’s about balance People

We need to create a balance. This can happen when we are in tune with ourselves and can recognize when being alone is hazardous for our well-being and when loneliness stems from a truly dark place that we need to address. We do have the power to make our experiences not only meaningful for us, but others around us. Both can be the change you need as sometimes it’s better to be alone and we can learn and grow from the experience. And it’s also the case that when we realize that we feel lonely then we need to address the root cause to truly get over it. There is no time limit on either and we cannot always control when we experience both. But what we can do is to always be honest about why we are where we are in our journey and give ourselves the gift of our own time and energy needed to reach the other side and say, ilikuwa nzuri (it was good)!