Tag: Finding your happy place

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

The truth you tell is not always the truth that is believed and what is real and standing in front of others, is not always what they choose to take. Everyone’s truth is different because everyone’s story ain’t the same. There are opinions that many hold as fact, like who is the best and what is the greatest. Somehow from standing in a certain position we have decided what the truth should be; so today there is alternate truths, that confuse us and make us question what is real. We spend so much time trying to get to the source in order to arrive at the truth of a matter that we may never know the truth.

The truth is, there is no one truth. Everyone has a unique idea of what is real and what is not. For a lot of people truth about a belief or person can be the difference between life and death. The truth is always tainted because it’s open to corruption, add-ons and misinterpretations. Many of us live great fictitious lives, which are enabled to succeed today because of social media. We can be the most popular and most beautiful, because we present a version of reality that people consume. There are keyboard warriors who are the baddest and the loudest, the most witty and controversial because they are anonymous; no one really knows who they are, just the person they have created. We wear masks in all areas of our lives and we become what we think or know others want to deal with and that becomes the “true” self for many.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

― Mark Twain

There are also those who are constantly sitting at the edge of their seats waiting for the other shoe to fall. They are the ones who have built their lives on lies. Those who have distorted the image of themselves and deceived others to get a seat at the table. The path to such a fate based on secret shames and assumed shortcomings, usually leads nowhere but public and private shame. It’s hard to keep up with a lie! The fear of discovery is a fear that destroys mentally and physically and not the act itself.

Then there are those who live the truth that is real for them. For these persons the truth is what they make and not what they are told it is; it’s not empirical (that’s boring, based on facts), but convenient. They need to convince themselves or others so they draw the card of, “look at what I say is true now, don’t think about the past or look ahead, if I repeat it enough it will become fact”.

When you speak truth, what type of truth are you speaking? I speak the truth that is relevant to my reality and not based on what I want it to be. Whatever you truth may be, remember that it can lead to feelings of betrayal and accusations of deceit, if you lie to yourself. However, if you embrace all of you and begin by being honest with yourself, then the truth that is your truth will take you to where you need to be.

You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.

Maya Angelou

Today is yet another Monday and while I slave over my thesis that gets harder each day, I had a very profound thought. We spend so much time trying to measure up and be who we think people want us to be that we forget to simply be. To be the person we are intended to be. Sometimes it is the case that we have buried that person so far in the recesses of our minds that we do not know that spirit and soul. All we operate with is the shell of a body that others try to fill with their expectations. At the end of it all we really having nothing to give but a poor copy of what others try to make of us. The world tells you to be yourself, but when you do they pick that being a part until there is nothing left. They deceive and tell you that they celebrate difference but then try to silence you when you are out of tune. The world is one giant hypocrite. But we still have to live in it with people who tend to break your spirit, intentionally and unintentionally. Are we then trapped in the identity we assume. The possibility of change an illusion that means the jokes on us. Is the quotation true: Being a slave to an identity is no different from being a slave to a human master…

Being free may mean not fitting in but can we be okay with that? Many of us want to belong and be a part of something anything, as long as we are moving with the tide. But in order to do this do we have to place ourselves in a box and stay there? If this is the case then I would rather not. I would rather not fit in and be a part of any one thing but everything that I feel compelled to experience. I would rather not be the rule but only the exception. I would rather not lead anyone but myself to where I need to be. It’s really true that the only thing you can ever control is you. You can control your narrative, your image, your state of mind and so much more that has to do with you. You have been entrusted with you, and how you show up each day, in this world will determine whether you are free or not. Many of us struggle with being free and never will reach that state. We have become too programmed to operate on the premise of what’s popular, what your friends think, what is right in the eyes of society; we cannot see beyond the cage we have allowed ourselves to be confined in. Though they spoke to her lived experience, I think persons everywhere can recognize the wisdom of these words left by Maya Angelou:

Being free is being able to accept people for what they are, and not try to understand all they are or be what they are. … I think one of the most dangerous statements made in the United States, or descriptive phrases, is that it’s a melting pot. And look at the goo it’s produced

Choose your battles means to be selective of the problems, arguments, and confrontations that you get involved in. Instead of fighting every problem, you save your time only for the things that matter. This means fighting the most important battles and letting go of the rest.

personalexcellence.co

While most persons are familiar with the expression above, they often think about it based on deciding what to pursue, but what if we also think of it in relation to when we pursue something we desire or know is our destiny to pursue. I think it’s more often the case that nothing goes the way you want it to go. There is always a way in which your carefully laid plans are compromised by things beyond your control. you make plans and then here comes the rain, tearing at them bit by bit, until they are no more.

Then there is the case that you remain disciplined, just so you can reach that milestone in your life, and somehow the goal post is moved! We swear we are about to arrive, but then someone goes and change the venue, to a place we know not where, before we reached.

To make things even worse, we move about like mad ants, doing our best to make that thing happen, and just when we think it’s about to come together, we are hit with road block after road block; that great immovable stone. Just behind that stone lies the realization of a dream that may fail to be realized, unless we can push the blockages out of our way to reach it in time. Everything just seems a little out of reach, as my granny use to say, ” Jackass seh di worl nuh level “( It is possible for you to do everything right and still end up failing. It is possible for those who cheat and practise corruption to be successful. It’s just the way the world is – even if we feel like this is unfair ).

At this point we see the writing on the wall and decide to back down, give up, throw in the towel. We convince ourselves it’s okay to quit, move on and forget this loss.But obstacles do not equal obsolete, a detour does not mean a denial and delays only give us more time to prepare and come back stronger. Choosing your battle does not have to mean to give up on a dream. It can mean waiting on the right time to stake your claim, making that move to find your moment. It means surrendering to what must be, even if it is not what you want it to be at that time. The storm may rage, but only for a time. It is after the storm that you must take action; rebuild and reclaim that which may have been lost and get back to your fighting ways. Do not just pick your battles and skip over what may seem impossible or too difficult; but instead, decide when you will or need to do battle.

“The bad thing about my life is I have struggled a lot even to get the easiest ones but the good thing is I had the courage to fight for everything”

― P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

“There is no gem like virtue, no wealth like happiness, no treasure like faith, and no jewel like love.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

The idea of what I really treasure hit me in the most unexpected way recently. There was something materialistic I really wanted and had vowed I would get. I worried, fretted and shed a few tears because getting it seemed impossible. I felt that I hadn’t gotten it because maybe I didn’t deserve it. There were a few moments when I lost sight of why I wanted to get it in the first place. There were so many more important things to consider, more pressing and worth investing in…

The day finally came when it would be mine – I could now get it. But there was great doubt about this desire to get this particular item. Would it be worth getting. despite my sudden fright I got it. But the level of accomplishment and joy I hoped to experience was missing. I was glad I got it but it was not a defining moment in my life. On realizing this I recognized that I had changed- what mattered to me the most, had changed. Maybe a sign of aging. Yikes!

But seriously, last year such a purchase would fill me, with cloud nine vibes for days, but not now. And so I had to consider why. Why was it that getting something that seemed impossible to get at first no longer seem to have the same kind of impact as before? Well, my conclusion is that the things I treasure are not the same. At first I felt a bit sad, but then as I thought more about this I realized that owning things is what changed. I no longer get excited about buying things for myself or owning things.

MY TREASURES…

I treasure the time I spend with my friends and people who genuinely love me and have my back. I treasure the times when I am healthy enough to do the things I want to do. I treasure the chance to do what I want when I want and HOW I want to do it. I treasure having the option of dreaming dreams and seeing them come true, or, setting a non- material goal that seemed impossible but was really like a chess game I had won before I started playing. I treasure having the chance to be honest with those around me because they want honesty, and will take it even if it is not kind to them. I treasure people who are real. I treasure the rain – something I once hated by the way. I treasure the beauty I see in things that others do not see value in, people who have no titles or fortune but have something greater – love, dignity and an indomitable spirit. I treasure people in general, because they matter. Their lives and stories matter; their hurts and dreams unfulfilled matter, their triumph matter, because all of the pieces of them are small nuggets which can eventually become apart of my own treasure trove.

While having a car is convenient and owning a home is too, are they enough? Education can be one of the driving forces to being successful but does the success matter above all else. For me one of the greatest treasures I have are my memories. Memories made along the way can be retrieved and admired; they form the basis for hard won lessons learned and carry the essence of people who can live forever in your mind’s eye. I treasure the memories the most, especially the painful ones that forged necessary change. The memories that remind me of what was and how perfect that moment had seemed and still is. I treasure the fact that this me is the only me there is. And finally I can say that my imperfections, make me perfectly suited to be me.

If you had to name your treasure or treasure, what would that be?

“Riches you hold in your hands are inferior to treasures you harbor in your heart.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’

Luke 15:9b

Have you ever considered yourself a lost coin that is in need of finding? Well this is something many of us struggle with from time to time. And I was recently confronted with this truth.

Like a sheep we sometimes wander away from home – all that is familiar, good and that which brings us a sense of peace and purpose. We wander from love into hate, from what seems mundane or pedestrian to follow the trails of “greener pasture”. Along these trails we encounter wolves. Wolves who are more than ready to attack, mercilessly. You are the meal they need to ensure their survival and quite aware of your gullibility they pounce and you don’t even know this. They pose as friends, confidants, when really they just need a stepping stone or two to the top.

But before you inevitably find yourself in such a predicament you need to know the lifeline you will draw for. You need to remain connected with a lifeline you safely stored away for the day you need it. People who will let you go far and wide but will defend you when you require it. Those who will see your vision when you suddenly go blind from all the negative well wishers. Those “well-wishers” who can only see your glass perpetually half empty but never their own. Reach for that lifeline, those persons, who are strong enough to hold your weight, when you cannot carry it.

Do you have a return ticket when it’s time to leave the space you are in. To move away from the party that you no longer belong at.

Leave. A word that’s easy to say but hard to do. Do you feel lost in a vertex of being lost? Are you the sheep that can NEVER be found because you try to save yourself in sinking mud? One day we who are lost have to “smarten up” to the fact that we are lost because we mistook dust for the glitz and glamour, it was too dry and brittle to yield anything good. “Smarten up” to the knowledge that that war we fought in, was never for our gain. But instead withdraw, slowly but with finality; we need to raise the white flag of surrender and be satisfied with those gains that were ours to possess.

Getting [things] together requires a level of honesty you can’t even imagine. There’s nothing easy about realizing you’re the one that’s been holding you back this whole time… that your lack of discipline is the answer to some of those ‘why not me?’ questions you ask

J

For many it’s hard to recover from disappointment, betrayal and setbacks. God provides us with lessons on how people are and what this life is all about and we reject them. We bury our heads in the proverbial sand and try to work with brokenness. Then when we are given a hard enough kick in the you know where, we cry, ‘why me!’. We find a million reasons why the world has been unfair to us and life is just not worth it.

We often times cannot appreciate the lessons we are meant to learn and see that those lessons are necessary lessons to take us to the blessings waiting for us. Many of us have made the mistake of seeing obstacles as the end of everything and not the beginning of something new and necessary. We fold under the pressure and accept that it is our lot in life. Misery becomes the only company we see and seek. We never take the time to acknowledge how much of our misery is our fault, we never admit our role in our potential downfall. We are not honest.

Saying this is not a way to blame but to establish a fact. Sometimes we do everything in our power to undermine God and the success that belongs to us. We procrastinate for days and wonder why we seem to be in a vortex of missed opportunities. Why we never feel satisfied or happy. It really boils down to the choices we make. We often time make ourselves powerless by believing we do not have choices. We become the marionette who operates at everyone else’s whim but our own. We say and do things to please others in the hopes that their pleasure will mean our happiness. But this is not the case, someone else’s happiness is a treasure for them to enjoy and we need to have our own. Instead what we need to do is to take charge of our lives, to cut those strings that imprison us and weave our own path.

It is important that we never run from the enemy, especially when it is within. Let us tackle the obstacles that have either been created for us or that we have erected for ourselves. All the doubts that we have should not stop us, the fear we need to look beyond and the words of discouragement, wiped clean from our slates. Let us not focus on our problems but give thanks to God that we have them to solve and in the process we can be transformed. Let us first see the lessons God wants us to learn, and appreciate them for the possibility to experience blessings in spite and because of them.

There are times when you feel you are standing in the middle of a storm, not in the eye but just outside of it. You are buffeted by it and you want to surrender under the pressure. Turn to what offers you peace in the midst of the chaos; do not break but bend to your temporary condition and look for the second coming. Do not allow your tough times to define you and make you bitter, instead laugh in the face of your distress and your situation and tap into the real power within you. When we see, hear and experience some of the horrors of this life let us not set up our pyre and burn in the turmoil, but let us use it as a launching pad to reach the other side. The place we are destined to experience if only we are brave enough to withstand the storms. Just when you think it is the end and your dreams and hopes are about to be snuffed out, wait a little for the second coming. Sometimes the worst of experiences produces the most rewarding results. Just when you think this is the end there is always the possibility to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But what will be your strength and support to claim that victory? How will your second coming manifest itself. Listen carefully to the answer; God has given you enough power to control your narrative. Do so without doubt or apology.

The Second Coming 

Turning and turning in the widening gyre   

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere   

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst   

Are full of passionate intensity.



Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand…  

The Collected Poems of W. B. Yeats (1989)