All about success – Page 2 – ramblrWrites.com

We Do Not Have to Stop.

So today has been one of those days; when you have a choice to either allow things to get you down and interrupt your day or just go with the flow and roll with the punches.

On Mondays I get up early as usual, but not for work. I get up at 4 a.m. to go to up to the good ole U.W.I, a struggle I hope to overcome soon. I did everything I would normally do, but apparently not everything.

I got to the bus park and guess what the line is super short. This means I will be getting a comfortable seat today! As I stand in line a thought comes to me: “do I have my ID?” And you guessed correctly, I did not. Upon realizing this, couple of thoughts flashed through my mind. Should I just go home and use this as the excuse why I can’t go to school today, after all I can’t use the library without my ID and going there will take up a large chink of my day? Or, do I call my aunt to see if she can get someone to get it to me? Or, do I call a taxi man I know to get it from her to take to me?

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Now normally before I think of what to do, I would spend some time cursing the day and fate that caused me to forget my ID! I would probably cry for good measure, because poor me, I did everything right and things are still not working out for me. But i surprised myself today.

I was a bit surprised at how calm I was. I did not complain, curse nor cry. Instead, I picked what I thought was the best solution. I stepped out of the line and called my aunt. But she did not answer the phone. What next could I do? I had called her several times and still not answer. if I went home now no one could blame me, after all I did try. Right?

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However, I decided to try another number. My plan worked. I got her and she was able to get to a good taxi friend who could drop it off so I could collect it. As I waited for him I realized I had to use the bathroom, but I did not want to miss him. But I had to go! I went and quickly did my thing and just as I came out he was already there looking around for me, ready to leave. I ran and collected my ID and ran back to the bus park.

Two buses had come and gone since I left and the line was still short. A real miracle. In less than a minute another bus approached. I was able to get a comfortable seat and I was on my way!

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Sitting in the bus I thought of the me a year ago. The me who would have been so frustrated at this seemingly insurmountable blockage. I would have given up and called it a day. I would have wallowed in self pity and thought of all the past incidents that prove once more that no matter how hard you try, things just don’t work out sometimes. I would not have been able to see beyond my disappointment to other solutions, to get what I needed in order to go where I wanted to go. However, today I could and I did.

Though I am still affected by things that I should not be affected by, I realized that I am no longer as stressed out as I use to be. I am more realistic in my approach to situations and therefore more rational in how I react and choose to get things done.

A disappointment does not have to result in lingering and all consuming unhappiness. Things do not always happen the way we imagine but that doesn’t mean they will not happen. We may have to shift our plans, take a different route or delay a bit, but we do not have to stop. We do not have to let the actions of others affect our mood nor our dream of where we are headed. We do not have to beat ourselves up when we make mistakes that delay our plans. Maybe we will have to adjust how we get to where we are going, and that’s okay. In the end let nothing stop you from getting there.

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It’s Fun to Generalize.

I think we enjoy generalizing because it’s fun.

It is also easy to do, so we are more tempted to do so than not. If we had to take the time to consider and admit that “everyone doesn’t do the same things, not “everyone thinks the same way” and not “everyone cares about the same things”, then we would have less of a concrete argument for some of the assumptions that we have.

It may seem that I am pointing the finger, and I am. However, it may comfort you to know that it is also pointed at me too, because we have all done this (or am I generalizing?). Sometimes we do it subconsciously and sometimes we are very deliberate about it. When we do not want to consider that there may be another side or some other reasonable explanation we sweep all doubts aside by generalizing. At this point, we are unwilling to listen and we don’t care much about the truth.

So, we go around, sometimes not knowing that we are the hosts to faulty and overgeneralization until we are forced to unmask it hiding within us. By that time, as is often the case, we have caused some direct or indirect damage to those who have to be content with these generalizations, because they have developed into prejudices and discrimination. And poor us for not knowing that using those sweeping generalizations would result in a language of hate and sentiments of division and “othering”.

Also, can you imagine thinking that because someone is from a specific place or does a specific job, you are better than they are? Only to find out, years later, that while you have been dangling on your last shoestring, they have been happily and successfully going about their business. That’s the irony of life when we get caught up in the lies that have become truths in society. Many miss out on the opportunities because of what they think of a place or of “certain” people!

I came across this quote and I think it is something that we all need to think about:

we cannot all become geniuses [and] we cannot all reach the same level.

The Joke’s on You:

I was talking to a friend who asked a student a while ago, how he would feel if he and the garbage collector got the same pay if he was able to get the material things we’re told to aim for, such as the best car, a grand house and so on. The student was adamant that he would not accept that because he and the garbage collector should not be getting the same pay because he is more academically gifted. But then my friend also made the point that some bright or even brilliant sparks who look down on persons with technical skills will never achieve as much as those persons. He further made the point that the act of looking down on persons for perceived shortcomings could be their way of addressing their own sense of inferiority.

Sometimes in generalizing, we feed the us-versus-them complex. With this complex people are vilified, and their very complex and real problems are distorted because we refuse to accept that everything is not black or white. No one is completely good or bad and often times the most interesting accept to a person, and the part we need to pay attention to the most are the grey areas. However, many dismiss the possibility of grey areas in favour of half the truth or no truth.

These ideas are supported all around us. in the exchanges that people have daily. We see it in the archetypal, good guy versus bad guy. Then we perpetuate these beliefs in our interactions with others. We look for certain signs and wonders and deem those to tell the story of who a person is until we are presented with a puzzle. But instead of interrogating our beliefs we deem it an anomaly and continue along in our faulty assumptions and generalizations.

But, we should also never forget that while we may not make generalizations about ourselves we buy into them. Based on how we look, what we have achieved and where we are from, we have accepted and lived out a certain image of who others may think we are. So, not only are we prone to generalizing others, but we also can become co-conspirators of our own generalization, without realizing the damage it has done to us.

I think that is why I love novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s speech, “The Dangers of a Single Story”, so much. It was listening to this speech that made me really question what I do not know about people and places. And while there is much that I still do not know or understand, at least I am more aware of this. Therefore, when I hear about such things as Ebola, I do not assume that all of Africa is affected and when I hear about Haiti, I do not only visualize temporary tent camps. Live is complex because people are complex and you can never fully represent everything that is life and every person in your telling, even in a story that involves them. There isn’t enough time to consider all the facets of a person or situation and you can never fully complete the story of someone’s life. Something will always be missing.

While it is hard to prevent ourselves from always generalizing people places or a situation, we should never accept that information as the truth. We should never be complacent in making authentic the injustice of reducing someone’s humanity to a single idea. A single fable.

What Do You Do?

What do you do when you can’t change the world?

It is easy to look at a problem and think you can solve it. However, when you begin to try to do so, you realize that nothing is as easy as it looks. Now, maybe all it takes is digging a little deeper and being and little more focused. But then there are some things that you just have to live with no matter what.

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So what do you do when you can’t chamge the world?

Well you stop trying to do so. You look at yourself and your choices as well as your intention and work from there. We all want to be saviors, to do what it seems no one else can, but we often times cannot. Oftentimes when we feel we have to change something we end up trying to change ourselves. Instead, what we need to do is change how we react to the world and what happens in it.

We don’t need to change the world because nothing was ever wrong with it. What we each need to change is our reactions to each other and our attitudes. That is the apex of our problems, we try to target the wrong things, to hold the wrong people and things accountable for why things are the way they are. Our happiness, sense of success and inner peace are not contingent on what others thinks and does but on us. I am responsible for me and you for you, no one else.

Saving the world is an enormous burden to carry that leads nowhere; because, while we are busy with delusions of grandeur the world and time waves, says hello and goodbye. Some may see it as noble that you want to shake things up, but sometimes when we try to do this we may be avoiding reality. We avoid the truth of why we want to save the world. Maybe it’s because we really think we can, but, often it is because we cannot save ourselves and by focusing on something else we can live vicariously by saving something we feel needs saving.

So when we take out our armor to slay dragons, we need to check if those dragons are of our creation and a way to deflect from our real issues with ourselves.

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Be Flexible.

Sometimes we have our hearts set on what we think we want or need. However, it is when we are most desperate in pursuing what we want, that we should be flexible, so we bend and not break.

Being rigid in our opinions and thoughts should not be how we live our lives. This is dangers. It is dangerous because it means we are not willing to change and learn from the mistakes of the past. We need to realize that we have limited power, to order our world, unless we rely on the wisdom of God and His power to strengthen us.

It’s easy to believe in our own power when things seem to be going our way. We slowly begin to replace God with our own sense of self importance. Then, we no longer thank God for what he does for us but instead boast “hey look at what I did”.

It is often times when we are most blind to our faults that life steps in and reminds us of our humanity, our mortality. We are attacked by diseases, doubts and anxieties that seem to flow like a never ending river. We are swept along and taken to places we never imagined we would end up and we have to be alright with this.

We have to be alright when our plans fail, because we did not consult God. When we leave Him behind and jump off the ledge, He may allow us to fall, but He will always, in His own time and in His own way, provide us with the means of getting back up. We will just have to accept that things are not going to workout the way we want it to –

But things will work out.

Living With Extremes.

Most of us think in extremes and therefore live in extremes. We will not admit it but there it is none the less. We have been gifted it, we developed it and carefully craft it as a “all or nothing” mentality. Having such a mind set leads to more and more stress and eventually off our course.

We either stifle the dreams or the potential we have with our uncompromising attitudes, slashing at items and actions that have not been perfectly conceived or executed from the jump. I have seen how this has compromised my own development as a person. I believed that if something was not done right, forget it and give up. However, the idea to “do it right or not at all” is often times taken the wrong way in my estimation.

The phrase is usually seen as a call to striving until you achieve your goal. However, it can also be taken to mean that we don’t make a move until we know we are doing things perfectly. This mindset does not believe in learning as you go, but breezing through unhindered because you waited for the right time, the right set of circumstance and with everything you need already laid out before you. From this angle then, something that could have taken a few days, takes months or even years. By then, ironically, you have succumbed to the not at all aspect to the phrase unintentionally, and begin to wonder where the time went.

“Anything doing is worth doing well”, is true also. But we can’t expect everything to go the way we want them to go. So, we say we are waiting until things are perfect! What, gives us the idea that we can do anything perfectly? We give ourselves too much credit. Therefore, we delay because we are waiting until things are right and end up with the wrong P. We end up with PROCRASTINATION instead of PERFECTION.

Those among us who operate in extremes can do so for the wrong reasons. We cannot see when we are wrong and so continue down a path that really is a circular maze, with no beginning and no ending. We continuously find ourselves in the same place and wonder each time how we ended up here. We ask ourselves and others why we have not advanced further and find every excuse and no solution.

Many have noted the good aspects to being extreme, in that it can lead to success and give you a sense of purpose. However, if living by an extreme mindset has limited us, maybe we need to take one step at a time instead of thinking that by working out the science long enough, we can jump the whole staircase to get to the top.

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Just So…

…We have not wings, we cannot soar;
      But we have feet to scale and climb
By slow degrees, by more and more,
      The cloudy summits of our time.
The mighty pyramids of stone
      That wedge-like cleave the desert airs,
When nearer seen, and better known,
      Are but gigantic flights of stairs.
The distant mountains, that uprear
      Their solid bastions to the skies,
Are crossed by pathways, that appear
      As we to higher levels rise.
The heights by great men reached and kept
      Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
      Were toiling upward in the night.
From: The Ladder of St. Augustine by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The poem, The Ladder of St. Augustine, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, is a reminder that nothing happens before it’s time. The old adage, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, applies to all of us as we traverse this life. However, once a goal or dream is achieved, it will remain in the minds, hearts and eyes of those who experience it directly or indirectly. It also reminds us of our humanity. The fact that we can only operate within the limits of our capabilities and not vicariously through others. further, each person will reach their destination at different times and such a destination may be in different locales, some higher than others.

Standing on what too long we bore
      With shoulders bent and downcast eyes,
We may discern — unseen before —
      A path to higher destinies,
Nor deem the irrevocable Past
      As wholly wasted, wholly vain,
If, rising on its wrecks, at last
      To something nobler we attain.

This very motivational poem also reminds us of the need to move on from the wrecks which impede us on our journey. Instead of being buried under the rubble we must stand on them; make them our stepping stones when the path is covered by the landmines we are aware of and those we are not. To see the past, not as something to be ashamed of, but something that has provided us with the tools that we need, to navigate the uncertainty of the present and possibilities of the future.

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Lean Into You.

Based on many stories available to us via mass media, it seems easy to flip the script and change the story of who we are. However, to do this we may need to cut ties that we have depended on all our lives and habits that are easy to spot but hard to break.

What is it about hearing the stories of others that seem to motivate us so much? We usually love to hear the success stories of others, especially when those persons had to overcome some serious challenges. We hear are inspired and feel invincible by those stories. But, it is their story, their triumph and their success. While we celebrate with them, as we should, we cannot remain on their cloud nine to live our lives.

We can never be like anyone else no matter how much we wish we could. There are too many among us who feel that we can be like this person or that person, and so we try to copy what they have done to the T and paste it onto ourselves. We may deny doing that but, when we act the way they act or do the things they do or eat what they eat do the same exercise, use the same hair product and so on, we are not trying to find a formula that works for us, but using one meant for the person we are trying to be like.

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Maybe we need to put a little more effort into leaning into who we are. Imagine all our lives we have been influenced by others. Can we say how much of that influence has shaped us into who we are? I realized that I was good at imitating people and becoming who they expect me to be. At first, when I realized that I was doing this, I did feel like a fraud. I had gotten so good at it that it came naturally. However, when I realized this was a thing I did, I decided to make the effort to change. I started to ask myself all kinds of questions. What did I like and not like? What type of friend did I want and wanted to be? What kind of music did I like? There were many more questions, but the point was that I made the effort to discover things about myself that had nothing to do with trying to impress others. As I made the effort to learn more about myself, I had very little room to worry about who I most wanted to be like, instead I was more concerned about being honest with myself so that I could show up as myself each day to those I interacted with.

But, it is hard to lean into yourself when people only want to see the you they can digest or tolerate. They don’t want to see that you have flaws, because the version of you they have in mind aligns with their snapshot of you. They may not want the movie reels that might reveal your being human instead of an image created or forged for the consumption of others.

There has to be a way out. Often times when we feel trapped, this is the first thought we have. We can also have this thought when we are no longer satisfied with living up to the expectations of others. We then wonder, what can we do? I have found that the best way out is not to seek the answers from anyone outside of yourself. The best way out is simply to trust and into the Almighty and lean more into who you are.

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