Category: Encountering New Experiences

Silence is the True Killer

“If you’re silent about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston

I heard the quote above and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how many of us have become conditioned to going along with things. It got me thinking about how obsessed we are with not rocking the boat and being compliant. I, like many others, was taught as a child that I had no voice, ” a child should be seen and not heard”. So I developed the dependency on everyone’s opinion but my own, I trusted the advise of others to the death of my own gut feelings.

When you are silent you compromise.

Maybe if we didn’t always take it like a champ, we would not have so much unresolved issues. Speaking up does impact your mental health. I know there have been times when I have been consumed by anger and blinded by a sense of injustice caused by the inability to really say what is on my mind.

Silence that kills I have come to find can be overshadowed by the noise we make.

How many times have you found yourself saying everything right, everything you are expected to say but still feeling as if you left having said nothing that was necessary to say? Or, said so much except the things that really matter? For me there have been too many moments like that and those moments can stay with you, and haunt you for the rest of your life. Silence has its role but silence is not always the best way out:

Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Also, sometimes by remaining silent we sometimes end up on the wrong side of history and what is right:

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.” – Albert Einstein

Hitting Rock Bottom

So you put it all on the line and you failed? Now you want to give in and accept defeat. Don’t be sad, don’t be sorry, be glad you did not win when you did.

I think I can confidently say that for many people, being at the bottom sucks. It sucks so bad that most people would rather not be in contention for anything, miss out on great opportunities rather than there being a possibility for them being at the bottom. It just seems like no one likes a loser, so no one wants to be one.

But I think losing is a good thing.

If you have come to realise this, great, but I have learned this lesson well and I am so happy that I solved that piece of the puzzle and never want to forget it.

Losing should not break your will to strive for more, to go after your dreams, to even have dreams. No, losing should be the catalyst you need to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and get to where you need to be. This does not mean necessarily in the number one spot, but your comfort zone. The zone where you can comfortably stay, grow and thrive!

Losing helps you to stay humble and be that much more grateful when you do win. To remember that not everyone can or will win and to respect the unique qualities of those you competed against. To value each person’s contribution to the competition and your development. To know that at the end of the day winning does not guarantee happiness or contentment. To know that when the applause ends and the adoring fans leave you will still know the value of your worth. There is also the joy of knowing that you have seen yourself at your worst and lived to tell the tale, to know the bitter taste of defeat and still overcame the potential poisonous effects. Winning doesn’t make you better, losing does. Because if you plan to get up when knocked off your feet you have to give a little more, do something different and tap into a reserve of power you didn’t know you had. When you lose is when you know how strong you are, because you faced those demons that told you to stop trying and defeated them.

So let us be more willing to embrace losing, so we can test our strength, resilience and heart. Let us not just live but be alive to the possibilities for growth that losing offers.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance


Should I sit or stand
mi caah bother
speak well
look well
be well
you are your own master.
hustle
hustle 
hustle
got to stay in the race.
to be a tough rock or a tender grass
"oh what a rat race, yeah!"

"Got to be true to myself" - 
but be like everyone else. yes?
Got to get up 
when told
so people will see
that I am good at taking orders.
I will be free but maybe...
maybe to much freedom is dangerous?

I must cry!
I must scream!
I must set the place on fire!
I must whisper or whimper
Spit my Seething displeasure
vomit up howling disappointments.
Be calm and say nothing - 
remain respectful
all the time...

I am hurt
healed
I am a monster
beautifully made
imagined
real
blinded by a light
that makes me see
clearly.

regurgitated slugs hang suspended
mouth ready to devour
spare a prayer...

scabs at all stages
congealed
across picket lines...

Ineffable
incandescent beauty
illuminates Gossamer
A web of lies
fleeting 
like a butterfly's fragile wings.

"Oh what tangled webs we weave"
until we have no silks to hypnotize
but regrets borne from grieve.

Co-Worker Or Bestie?

Whether or not you get along with them, doesn’t matter, you see them everyday of the work week! Sometimes more that you see members of your own family. Some you want to make friends with some you don’t, but remember, they are most likely just temporary friends. Now, I am not saying that I have not made some great friends at work -genuine people who came there that way and remained so- some were never great and will never be. However, I am talking those who are not so great but think they are or worse pretend they are. It has always frustrated me that some persons you have to work with are so disingenuous, you see what they are doing but because they are being crafty about things, you cannot prove that they are faking their “kindness”. Those great advice and “gentle criticisms” are not always coming from a constructive place, a good place, a real place, a place of love and genuine concern. Just keep in mind that these persons will smile compliment and encourage you out of a position or even your good name -behind your back of course.

It is important that we realize that our disappointment with them is not their fault, but our fault. We forget that most persons are at work for a paycheck, to advance in their field, because they love their jobs or because of all three not, to make friends. Yes you can get closer to people by networking, but in the workplace the networking is to create contacts as a means of professional development, not so you can be that social butterfly. Sometimes we lose track of our purpose and get caught up in office gossip or become too focus on what everyone else is doing, or worse sharing personal information that can get spilled at the proverbial water cooler- now with corona is that even a thing? But we get the idea. The dynamics of the workplace has changed with this pandemic but the workplace culture is sometimes hard to shift, especially since those working from home are just experiencing a temporary state of being, eventually we will have to go back to being in the same space with the people we work with. I have come to appreciate more the importance of separating work from personal life and so realize many instances when I have acted in such a way that blurs the line between professionalism and unprofessionalism, in what a share and how I behave and think.

You will find nice people everywhere, you will also find not so nice people pretending to be nice everywhere. When it comes to those you work with you have to tread carefully. You may end up working with that person for a while and the type of relationship you have with them could affect whether or not you are comfortable there. We are not there to be most popular, to have a lot a friends or belong to the “elite” group, or, to construct an image built on lies to be accepted and fit the culture of that workplace. No, we are not working to do all of those nonessential things. What we are there is to make a mark, get what we came for, be ourselves, respect everyone based on where they are in their journey and not be pressed about things that have nothing to do with us, to be friendly, to share not overshare.

Life is too short to be spending time on things that do not matter based on the journey we are on. When you realize that you have been approaching your work relationships the wrong way, take a step back. Sometimes you may have to re-evaluate the work relationships you have to realize that what you have are not friends but acquaintances. Consider yourself blessed if you do have one or two persons who you have been able to form a life long friendship with at work but do not expect it. Know that most of those work friendships are more temporary than you would like to admit. I have come to realize this as the months have gone by. Some of those who were easy to access because they were in close proximity, are now difficult to connect with. You realize that the friendship was dependent on what you offered at a particular time and you were that colleague and not that friend. Do not confuse the need to collaborate with the need to be everyone’s best friend. Instead focus on your goals and work towards them and do not get sidetracked but remain, open (but do not make your life an open book), honest (about your work and not the details of your life), positive and constructive. Work hard for the money but do not lose yourself along the grapevine.

Lucky Man

A lucky man is in a desirable position, everyone wants what he has, right? He is successful and is an example to many, a kind of a role model, right? Today we look at Chapter 10, “The Luckiest Man in Babylon”, in the book, The Richest Man in Babylon.

It’s good to have a dream, to want something better or to want the best for yourself. However, at times, we are too eager to experience the end result and we do not take the correct steps to get there. We sometimes look for short-cuts and refuse to look too closely, because if we do we are fearful we will not experience the destination.

The Parable in chapter 10, is of a man by the name of Shurra Nada, the luckiest man in Babylon. Now if ever there was a hustler – the go getter kind thank you very much – then it would be Shurra. He was able to squeeze the last drops of luck out of every meager opportunity that came his way. His pickings were slim to none because he became a slave in Babylon. Captured and made a slave, he worked overtime to not only gain his freedom but he was able to drop a gem stone of wisdom that had been entrusted to him: work is the best friend he will ever know. You want to get something, well, you have to work for it, it is not going to find you waiting on a couch or in bed.

As a slave he was advised to make work his best friend but to what end? So that his master could get richer and he poorer? No, in order to get out of his situation and while he was a slave it did not mean he could not use the little opportunities there were to get out of that situation, no matter how impossible it seemed. He did not work to be recognized as a loyal worker or to get worker of the month, every month, but to be independent of his master some day to “cling no longer to thy master”.

But misfortune befell him, and his plans were derailed. sounds familiar to anyone? While his situation moved from impossible to beyond impossible, he still worked, waited and looked for any opportunity. Like many of us do, he asked himself this question, “was I to work the rest of my life, without gain of my desires, without happiness or success?” Like many of us he was at the end of the line ready to wallow, and he would have been within his rights to do so. But he did not, he worked towards the same goal, his freedom. But when he lest expected, his good deed in passing on the knowledge to a fellow slave to make work your best friend paid off. That same friend having gained both his freedom and eventual wealth, because of that advice, came back to free him!

His luck did not come from his working and saving and dreaming. Neither did his master look at his efforts and rewarded him with his freedom. His luck came in the guise of a fellow slave who had remembered his work ethics, his profitable advice and decided that he would help him when he could to return the favor. He received a return on his investment – that advice, all he had, was enough to get him out of a bad situation to have his mountain top experience.

What treasures do you have within in you that bring you luck? Be a lucky man.

Good Luck Quotes - Best of Luck Wishes - Irish Quotes - Lucky Sayings

The Plan

Chapter 9 from, The Richest Man in Babylon, is different from the others. The chapter is entitled, The Clay Tablets from Babylon and takes place in 1939. The focus is on some clay tablets that seem valueless – old relics – and the message they contain, gems that are invaluable to those who take the time to look closer…

The clay tablets contain nothing new, nothing to see here! Just kidding! What we see unfolding before our eyes as we read it is the importance of having a plan AND executing it. I am good at having a plan BUT I am not consistent, which can be devastating in all areas of your life. Dabasir, the camel trader of Babylon that we met in chapter 8 has left the legacy of planning and budgeting as a means to realizing wealth. Over the years financial experts talk about tracking your spending, budgeting and planning ahead. To think you can get this advice free of cost, if you have a chance to read the contents of this book. All you have to do is download it or listen to it on YouTube. But seriously, the chapter gives a detailed account of Dabasir’s determination to repay his debts, rebuild his life and thrive. Once a slave, he rose to become a prominent member of his society. All those years a slave, but in his mind, though his body was captive, he was never one.

We can take heart at Dabasir’s action, for even in the toughest battles when everything point to our defeat, if in our minds we are always victorious, we can never be defeated.

“Yet it is the plan that hath made my success…for I am convinced that if I follow it further it will make me rich among men”.

Those clay tablets had survived for centuries, to one day help those who needed the wisdom they contain the most. Dabasir’s legacy survived through the actions of those who followed the tablets instruction, a formula that made him one of the richest men in Babylon. Do you have a plan and if you do, have you started to work on it or are you still waiting, thinking and talking?

Impregnable Walls and Hunger.

Yes my friend we are at it again, looking for more gems in, The Richest Man in Babylon. I have rolled Chapters 7 and 8 together not because they do not on their own have may gems but simply because they go together.

Now, in Chapter 7, “The walls of Babylon“, there is much excitement amiss. Chaos and near apocalyptic images ensue, Babylon in under attack! What does money have to do with this? Well let’s see. So Babylon is under attack, their enemies want to pillage and destroy but the Babylonians want to preserve their lives and livelihood. The only thing that separates them and the enemy is a wall made hundreds of years ago. The wall must stand! However, the enemy is relentless and fear grows like a monster devouring the weak. But the chapter is not about defeat are carnage. It is a lesson on making sure that you are prepared for days of unrelenting attack by building a strong wall to defend you and your assets. When it comes to your defenses make sure you have one for your wealth – tangible or not. For when those sudden winds if change that can tear a part your sails to leave you shipwrecked come you will need that wall of protection. The gem dropped here: “…behind the impregnable walls of insurance, savings accounts and dependable investments we can guard ourselves against the unexpected tragedies that may enter any door and seat themselves before our fireside”.

How strong is your financial wall? Well, I need to go build one!

Chapter 8, “The Camel Trader of Babylon“, a different perspective but one much needed as a reminder from time to time. The chapter begins, “The hungrier one becomes the clearer ones mind works”. So, this is about food? No, it is not about food! However, it is about having a strong conviction. In the story we are told of Dabasir, who has quite some ill-advised adventure – he ended being a highway robber – and is eventually sold as a slave. His dilemma, will he remain one? He hears one simple truth that pushes him to change his situation, “If a man has within him the soul of a slave will he not become one no matter what his birth, even as water seeks its level?” Now for me it is a matter of perception. How you perceive yourself is how you will behave. What you tell yourself you are or you are not is what you act upon. Change your defeatist mindset and you change how you behave, when you stop acting defeated you can never be conquered by man or beast. Your defenses will never go weak and cause you to be breeched and destroyed. The wealth that you can grow can never be outstripped, if you remain determine to make the best of those opportunities that come your way. When Dabasir had the chance to leave the slave lifestyle and mentality behind he did and became The Camel Trader of Babylon. What slavish mentality will you leave behind? How determined are you to break those chains and live like someone truly free? “Where the determination is the way can be found”.