My Story
My story is my own
nobody can write it.
Nobody can describe my heartaches
nor describe my gains
like I can.
Nobody can shed these here tears -
cold as ice as they flow
warm and freeing when they disappear.
My life is my legacy
not house, car or land.
Not the children I will raise -
they will have their own story.
My story cannot be bought or sold,
not determined by your need to create and fix.
When I tell my story
you will not know
where it ends or
begin.
You will not know how to order it.
Not even I can tell you for sure
all of it
because words will not be enough
to do the telling.
My story involves countless shades of colourful greys,
sprinkled with moments of silver
all distinct all blended together.
It's not seamless.
There are moth eaten places.
Holes that can never be tacked together.
There are frayed section
They are mini artworks
not brokenness.
My story is my own;
no one else can take it
and tell it.
Author: Simone
Loves to tell and hear untold stories about people, places and experiences!
God is Good
May your struggles keep you near the cross
and may your troubles show that you need God
and may your battles end the way they should
And may your bad day prove that God is good...
(Jonathan McReynolds)
There was nothing really to complain about
really...
Look, I just could,
so i did
because it felt
good.
I saw only myself
my vision
my dreams.
my my my
meeeeeeee.
Look at me am I not beautiful, smart and capable.
I can do anything.
Yes you are, yes you can...
The only thing was,,,
yes?
The only thing was this pain.
Pain?
Yes this pain, not really pain just an annoying pinch.
This was bothering,
I could not order it around.
It stayed
lingered too long.
But...
Yes?
I could not fall,
I had done it after all,
all by myself,
it too shall fall on its knees to me!
But...
Yes? Go on.
Are you mocking me?
No my child continue.
It's getting worse, taking over.
I cannot think,
I can do nothing right...
Now I cannot move.
I cannot laugh.
All I produce are salty rivers of my misery,
floodgates that never seem to close completely.
I look back at
Me.
But I cannot see how I came from her!
There is nothing I can do
I am helpless.
I am hopeless...
Now I can barely move,
I am doubled over,
brought low.
With each halting breath I breathe,
I now Know - perhaps too late...
What is that my child?
I now know that
God is good.
Don’t Rush
Don’t rush Take it easy I know you’re tempted But don’t rush. Haste makes waste And all that – they say. Endure… Tolerate… Forbear… Three ducks in a row. Don’t rush, you’ll get there. Say a prayer from the rat race. Waiting is not a burden. Restraint saves lives. Trust, it’s a process. Being alone, is not aloneness. Constant prayer, Motivates you. Rejoice in Hope there, feels better. Be patient in tribulation – Dawn is around the corner.
Never Goodbye.
Dedicated to E. Smith
How could I
completely let go of what has been
the better part
of who I can become?
The memories keep me,
connected,
supply the food
I need to sustain me.
Never goodbye.
For how can I say goodbye,
to the best,
the best and one of the brightest stars
that guided me?
How can I erase the memory,
of your boundless generosity?
I only left for a little while.
Because the world -
had become too much for me.
I never forgot you.
But the shame of my neglect,
renders me a prisoner,
who struggles to break-
free.
So remember this;
No matter how long it may be
No matter how wide I search for
me,
Until I find my way back to you,
it is never goodbye.
Memories
They are terrible bastards they pick at you until they expose your corrupted flesh careful to attack the softest and most putrid parts; a relentless nemesis, a constant friend I reach out to them if I stretch far enough I can touch them, with the tips of my fingers I almost, feel them. One floats by and it stares at me it comes to me. Coming at me. I peek around a memory wall. It becomes clearer. Just when I think I am ready, to step out of the shadows and embrace it - a searing pain pierces my heart tears at my flesh. I retreat. Not yet, not yet, too much, too soon. too much has happened too little time has passed. I thought I had done enough, not enough it seems. I had not smiled, laughed or played enough, to tear them from me. When I think of you the shape of your smile, so pure... A mole there that reveals all my secret, beauty engraved - no! Branded in my mind on my DNA. It enriches now the soil I too will one day return to. But not even there will I escape them. So here in my corner I huddle, I will content myself with watching each sliver from a far. Not yet! I cannot look too deeply in the well of my memories. But they are there, and they are my comfort.
Not Everyone can go Up the Mountain
Not everyone can go up the mountain with you.
I am sure that at some point you dreamed about who would be there with, at each milestone. Yes there were some you knew for sure, who would not make it. But, there were others whom you were sure would be there, who would always be there no matter what. However, as time goes by people start disappearing and you begin to wonder what happened? What could you have done to hold on to them, to make them stay?
I am realising now, just now, that not everyone will be with you in the end. Whether it is family, friends or the ones you have grown so attached to. Because you had started thinking life would be unimaginable with everyone still there, you may get stuck when they leave you.
The truth is, not everyone was meant to be there at the end and not everyone were even there to cheer you on. Some were there to prove to you that there is no greater power than that of The Most High. Some were there to remind you of how strong you are when they betray you, to remind you how easily you can be tempted, how weak you are without the support of those who truly love you. Some are there to remind you, to remind us, that at the end of it all we are all just people, trying to do the best we can, which is incomparable to the experience of others.
Going up a mountain, I can only imagine, can be a daunting enterprise and we need the human chain that can never break. We will need those who will be willing to lay down to ensure that our path will not be too rocky, We will need some who will push us up when we can go no further and drag us along when we consider stepping back; when we think of letting go of that seemingly impossible dream.
Not everyone can go with us up our mountains, we may lose some along the way but it is okay. We will never forget those who helped to get us there, those we lost and those who showed their true colours. There may be some pain, pain so great that you think you cannot bear it; but you will make it.
And when you get to that mountain top and look over at the other peak, you will just be grateful that God provided just enough of the right people to help you reach that milestone. You will be glad that it was those few special gems who got to experience it with you and who will help you along your journey to the next mountain.
Protect Your Spirit.
I have felt that I need to be more actively involved in doing this; I need to protect my spirit from things that seek to destroy it. Therefore, I have felt this urge and kind of desperation, to protect my spirit from everything within my control and those outside my control, that may affect me negatively. This can be hard because, after all, we are only humans. However, we have the power of the Almighty at our disposal.
We all have so much to give but if we become blinded by doubts and fear we will never know this. Often times we find ourselves in situations that we never imagined we would be in or we begin to recognise ourselves less and less. We are not who we thought we were or who we were meant to be.
We have to be vigilant about what we allow in our space. Our thoughts and action will affect us if we give the wrong things full reign in our lives. We may recognise that there are things that make us sad depressed or feel out of sorts, but, we either feel we have to do them or we lack the control to stop. However, if there are things or people that bring little to the table and diminish our light, then we have to protect our spiritual being.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)
We have to let them go. We have to let them go and never look back. Not because we no longer care about those people, or no longer see those things as desirable, but because we want not only to live but thrive. We want to thrive and be the best that we can be and that means seeing the danger beforehand and walking away from it.
We have to protect our fragile and wonderfully complex and flawed being. We have to protect our spirits from situations that may make us feel dirty or defeated, when we are neither. We have to know the enemy that seeks to destroy us never sleeps and therefore be prepared to withstand all attacks of the mind, spirit and body. It may be difficult for some or it may be easy. but it has to be done.
Now, the obvious question is how can you protect your spirit, your energy? Well there are many solutions out there but the main thing you will have to do is acknowledge those things that will bring you down. Write them down, so you can have a visual and remember them, know that they are always there, lurking and over time, take your time and move further and further away from them and move closer to the things that bring, light, love and peace. We need to draw closer to God and rely on the Holy Spirit for sustenance. That is how we can find peace, happiness and purpose.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
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