Is it Me?

Is it Me?

Is it me
or did life get harder
when I turned eighteen?

Did the games we play
turn into nightmares?
Those doll house
turning into true horror houses.
Who knew
that the fun would end
and to survive we would have to bend
to uncompromising wind?

Though there were childhood horrors
they pale against the terror
of fighting untold torchbearers.

Did our daily bread transform
into a rocks
too hard to chew 
and deadly to consume?

Is it me
or does it seem
that finding the sun
means fighting the rain
so I can see again?

Remove that Dark Cloud

Change your position and remove that dark cloud hanging over you.

This is the message I got today and I want to share it. We are all guilty for, at one time or another, chasing something that is not for us and running from what is. Have you noticed how much trouble this brings? Well it does, we deceive ourselves by thinking the way we are going is the only way and we run away from the centre of who we are. We choose to ignore where we should go and do because, we don’t like it. We see everyone else moving in a wave and it looks cool and we want to be a part of it, but we are better off going the opposite way.

We entre relationships, hold on to them when they bring us more harm than good. Then, we wonder why nothing ever works out, why people leave and why we just seem to always in the wrong crowd. We pick at the tree that is not fruitful, a tree that is not flourishing and expect to be nourished. But the roots of that tree is rotting and because we are blind we cannot see, because we have lost our sense of smell we can smell the stench that warns of the dangers and damage that this rotting tree will bring.

When things are falling a part do we really need to go down with the ship? Of course not! We need to stop going, stop thinking that if we just carry on things will get better, that things will change. But we need to be humble enough to know when to let go, to admit that the decisions we made were mistake, to say sorry and get back on the path we should have stayed on, doing what we were meant to be doing. We need to wake up in those times and do something, not read self help books and internalize what we read, we need to always be willing to do the work that will remove the dark cloud over our heads.

We all are different, but we all can relate to having those clouds over us. We need to take the time to remove them to truly talk through them, so we can experience the brilliant light hiding behind them.

Stop Cutting Onions

Stop Cutting Onions

No it's not that I'm crying
it's just that my eyes are sweating.
What miracle- or curse- is this 
that I have this waterworks condition.
No her pain is not the cause 
of the water that you see
it's not the news of her passing
it's the onions you see.
Who said the purple ones
were sweet and would not attack,
my dear
they are the most vicious
of the lot!
I think I will take a break
go and lie down
the burden of their juice
is too great.
If I stay a while longer I might drown.

Hurt people Hurt

Hurt people Hurt

i am not a toy
you can play with
when i displease you
you cannot put me away
when you need me
you cannot then
pick me back up
i am not here for your pleasure
to dance and shift
as your whim fancies
i'm not here today
and gone tomorrow
like a figment of your imagination
i am not a pet project
a hobby
that bears the essence of a novelty
to wish me dead
because i harmed you
and to lift me up when i please you
i am not your mirror
to reflect what you need to see
your voice that soothes your ego
your pleasure is not my pain
so i will not claim it
you cannot know me
because you have not earned that right
my i will become my I
now hear me!

did you hear me?

Yes.
To divest from selfish to self-less
I  peeked into hell
and as I did
I looked deeply
too deeply
and saw carnage
some created by me.

Let’s Reciprocate

Let's Reciprocate  

you have your plans
and I've got mine
don't expect them to align
all the time,
just don't see me and mine
as your dime.
Take what I can give 
and be satisfied
just walk your walk
look at you
and let me carry this burden
but let it not be a burden for two.
take your time to figure you out
but while you're at it
do not devalue my worth!
lean on me 
when you're not strong
but let's reciprocate
cause only a one side lean  
could be seen as hate.
so though we can grow and blossom together
let me tend to me and prune me 
while you do you sometimes
from time to time or whenever.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust

The itch comes upon me frequently.
With great urgency my pulse beats a steady tattoo.
I sit still - 
or try to - 
but nothing really works.

I move here and there
within the space I'm meant to
but nothing really matters.
I know I have responsibilities
but they were not mine to choose.
Each moment ticks by
and with it I lie - 
it doesn't really matter.

But can I, 
put my feet outside
step out to an other side
that will fit my outsized frame?

Yet now,
behind these bars I look
longingly,
desperately,
and try to lift these weary feet.

I’m Still Blessed.

I'm Still Blessed


I wade in wader almost to my head
I'm still blessed.
I walk bare on these embers 
I'm still blessed.
Frost bites on top of frost bites
I'm still blessed.
My tears grow each day uncountable
I'm still blessed.
Grief stuck a blade deep in my heart
I'm still blessed.
I crawl across deserts unable to walk
I'm still blessed.
My eyes gorged out by injustices
I'm still blessed.
slowly I bleed out everywhere
I'm still blessed.
mutilated for my humanity
I'm still blessed.
In chains I must rise daily
I'm still blessed.
Thrown over cliffs to swim or sink
I'm still blessed.
Into an empty I've been caste
I'm still blessed.
Left to starve on my own bile
I'm still blessed.

My anchor holds me down
the sun still rises in the east each morning
My tremulous heart still beats
A light guides me
comes out of me
and tells me
you still have a reason
you're still blessed.