Author: Simone

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified

Isaiah 61:3

Today the first day of July, I was reminded of a very important lesson. I was reminded that we always have a choice in how our story will be told and unfold no matter what. Today I was reminded how wonderful life can be especially when faced with a possible terrifying diagnosis. I was reminded that there is always beauty for ashes.

Reflections: Isaiah 61

It suddenly struck me that I was a part of the year of the Lord’s favor, and no matter what challenges may come being defeated is impossible unless we allow it into our lives. When sadness becomes joy and tears become the rain that washes away all fears and doubts, then misery will have no company. I sat briefly with six dynamic women, one of whom had gotten some life altering news concerning her health and at the end of that brief moment I was inspired to laugh and not weep to see beauty and not pain. Isaiah 61 became an anchor to keep me grounded in the beauty that can be found in the ugliness of the world and I realized how foolish we are when we choose to let our stores be derailed by a spirit of despair; when we choose not to rebuild ancient ruins and restore places long devastated. When we choose to accept that we are not limited but limitless, then we can get beauty for ashes.

Life is always unpredictable, but we do not have to see the unpredictable nature of life as a burden but as a testing of our endurance, strength and faith. We therefore need to put on the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair and heaviness; afflictions are powerless unless we give them power. If we refuse to sit in the ashes of distress then The Most High will lift us above it all to make something beautiful out of each of us and many will see this beauty and never the despair. Don’t be afraid to get burnt by life’s ugly realities, because when you get burnt, God will replace the burnt out mess with something beautiful. Our victory is assured once we know we have inherited the crown of beauty .

letting go of your door post and moving into uncharted waters…

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us

– Joseph Campbell

It’s July and this month will finally be the time for us to like Jesus turn our sights firmly, unshakably on our Jerusalem. As we begin the last six months of the year let us be fully committed to focusing on stepping outside our comfort zones and doing all we can to be uncomfortable because we are no longer slaves to fear. We will not be stopped by doubts, perceived limitations nor preexisting conditions of misplaced inferiority complexes.

Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead

Luke 9:60

Be willing to let go of the Past

Let us see these last six months as the final leg of taking our power from the hands of those who would try to limit us. It’s a time for new growth, not just lazy summer days. It’s a time to answer the question: “what am I doing here?” If you do not know then you may be in the wrong place. It is therefore time to boldly step outside of your narrow world and see where you can make real changes and find meaning and purpose. While we may tremble inside at entering uncharted waters let us move forward nevertheless in hope and faith. It’s time to cut ties, let it go, because the time is now. It is the time you have been preparing for.

Everyone who gives a great testimony about his/her life begins with a beginning that was “inadequate” until something happened… a breakthrough became evident!

Israelmore Ayivor

Today was suppose to be a post about a wonderful event I had the pleasure of being a part of late last week. However, our plans are not always the end product. Sometimes we have to look at what we feel led to be our focus. So today is about having a breakthrough. At this same event I did something that two years ago would have been paved with tears of terror and frustration, self harm, sickness and excuses of why I could not do it. It always amazes me how wrong we can be about others. Many may look at someone for instance, and form many biased and faulty conclusions about him or her, without really knowing them. I have been told by many persons that I look so calm, and this has always perplexed me. For a very long time everyday I woke up anxious. At one point each class I would go to teach, took a lot of pep talk and many many tears. But many would not know that. I have struggled with mental illness for a long time. But many do not know this. There are many times that I smile or laugh at a joke, and it’s not because I am happy or find the joke funny, it’s so that I can fit in and be apart of a puzzle that everyone else seems to fit in so effortlessly. Yes looks are very deceiving.

I always thought I was shy, but recently I realize I am not shy. Instead I have been conditioned to be measured – too measured – and guarded with my reactions. In an effort to protect myself from abuse of one kind or another. I had forgotten and recently remembered, that I have had to train myself to not show emotion that others can use to their advantage. And in the process, I have almost completely killed who I truly am.

I remember an old man confronting one day with much laughter in his voice, “you a di likkle girl who use to cuss whole heap a bad wud?” He proceeded to tell me what a terrorist I was and how bossy I was with my older cousin. My aunt reminds me of the time “yuh tek people’s pickney” away from the safety of school, across a busy road to the family home -a home I no longer lived at, at the time- like a little gang leader, or the time my cousin sent for me to defend her from bullies, or the fact that I was always ready to entertain a crowd or go somewhere. In essence, I marched to the beat of my own drum and anyone who did not, would be run a ground – literally. Then out of the blue my mother said my brother remembers hearing me cussing “badwords”. I remember being fearless and defiant – like the time I was told to smile for a class photo but did not see the logic of the request and so did not do it. A time when I wanted to play the drums and be a singer. A time when as a child I recognized injustices and wanted to correct them with as much power a child could have. A time when in protest to an injustice done to me I went to the highest authority in the school, presented my case with solid evidence and with the backing of my grandmother was vindicated. I knew there was no limit to what I could do; even if there was beating waiting for me at the end of my shenanigans. And I was just a child.

And I think how fearful I have become and I wonder what that child would think of me as an adult. I am pretty sure she would cuss two “badwords” declare me an idiot and hiss her teeth in disgust. The progression of that child to adulthood has been rough. Though she was mentally tough she was smooth down to an inch of her true self. the genocide of that self is a genocide of who she really is. So when unconsciously that true self pops out in protest, every now and then, persons are surprised at it and you feel compelled to lock it away again, in order to belong. But the essence is still there struggling with the mask you keep in place for the world to love. The process of individuation is never easy. It requires reaching deep within to find your unique archetype- which is undefinable; in order to realize the power that has always been within you, existing on life support, waiting for the day to be dusted off and brought once more into the light.

It is terrifying, when you have created a whole person out of the perceived expectations of others; to then look in the pool to find something you tried to drown. It is terrifying when you have to somehow find your way back to you. To realize that your God given self is not shining through and you have to say enough is enough and take off the mask and be you.

You’re 100% responsible for your life. Stop whining and do something about it

–Mathieu Fortin

Today is Monday and psychologically we have been conditioned to view this as the potential for a brand new start. All the mistakes and missed deadlines have been wiped clean and we can start with a clean slate…

But feeling enthusiastic about once again facing mounting paperwork and the missed deadlines in reality, makes no one happy or even motivated. And therefore, in reality, many persons begin from the night before to prepare themselves mentally for all they left behind Friday. You have some who begin to wonder why they are in this particular job, and pray to God to miraculous free them from this burden. Upon awakening Monday morning, these same persons drag themselves out of bed to begin getting ready for the day. For a few, the bacchanal of the weekend is reduced to the gray and gloomy reality of work.

On the opposite scale there are the enthusiastic ones, ready and rearing to start the week. They have already decided what they will accomplish for the week and are highly motivated to get things started – who knows if by Tuesday they would have crashed and burned or soared beyond the sky. They arrive a little too early and are a little too chirpy with their “good morning!” They move a little too quickly and just make the reluctant and disoriented look bad. But what can we do? Their enthusiasm sometimes is enough to change a mood and provide some much needed motivation.

And so the work week begins, despite the kaleidoscope of emotions, we all troop out, committed to surviving the day; knowing that as the week progresses, it will all get better. And as we go we also say with some amount of relish and defiance: Why complain, it is what it is!

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.

Mark 4:39

Have you ever noticed how loud some people are? For every topic they have something to say for every event they have something to do; they are never still, they are never quiet. Or, have you been in your house and heard the conversation your neighbor was having on the phone? It’s annoying because you really do not want to hear them. But for some, the notion of being still is a life long battle. For these persons silence is the enemy and they try to defeat it by keeping nonstop stream of consciousness conversations with persons whether or not their audience wants to hear. Some use noise as a way of keeping loneliness at bay and silence the turmoil within. But sometimes when we make too much noise we end up saying things that we later regret. Because in doing too much we end up doing nothing at all. At least nothing that will bring good results.

Every island to a child is a treasure island

P.D. James, The Lighthouse

At an early age one of my greatest wish was to live on an island by myself; with no one else.When I shared this many were incredulous. “that’s selfish”, “you’ll get lonely”; while all that is true they never asked the important question: why. Why did I feel this way? So I revised it to wanting to be a nun. Again that ended up being an even worse choice. But again why? By that age I had learned enough to know that people can hurt each other badly. I had been hurt enough to know that I did not want to repeat the experience. People I loved had already disappointed me over and over.By the time I had taken it into my head that I wanted to live on an island I was fed up with it all. But I was only 11! So since I could not find my own Island and the nunnery thing was a no go, I decided that creating my own fantasy world would be the next bet. But again, people would not let me be and I was forcefully and unceremoniously brought back to reality many times.

Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them

Lou Holtz

Silence then has become my greatest shield from the unpleasantness of life in general and people specifically. When people are unsure of you, they are more careful about how they treat you and what they say to you. You avoid unpleasant confrontations by not reacting, and some people are flabbergasted by this move. When you are quiet you have time to think. You think about what people say and how they say it to you and then to others. You think about when people approach you, why, where and how. You begin to notice little things that are really big things, because you are neither speaking nor moving. You will understand a little bit more about why you are the way you are, where you are and how you can get out of those bad situations you placed yourself in. Silence has taught me that you can be around persons most of your life and if they had to, they would give the wrong eulogy at your funeral, because they never really knew you and they never really wanted to do so any way.

Silence Has A Sound….

― Muhammad Imran Hasan

The best thing about silence I have found, is that while prolonged silence can be an uncomfortable experience, it can also yield the best results. Through silence you can have many “aha” moments, discover how to truly be efficient because you have clarity gained through real and deep introspection. And we come to accept that reality is a much safer place to be; that we can see clearer without tinted lenses.