forty years of wandering
forty years of bickering
forty years complaining
forty years
forty year
it took forty
years...
Better go back to Egypt
a slave but food to eat
better sleep
less bug bites...
who told God to bring us out -
we did?
Don't talk out loud
He may remember we cried
and He delivered.
Manna taste good -
but for forty years?
Not good enough
same everyday
no variety...
But,
no more fear
and lacking
but why not a savannah
to journey through?
Yet we get water
but the one back there
in the good ol' days
seem more familiar.
But,
we are not gong back
we must look ahead
so we go...
memories fade
no longer slaves
and all that remains is now
now I am free
now I can see
from the light
that goes before me
now I can smell
the greenness so near
now I am near
the Savior's touch
now I can say
this is enough
Salvation gained
walking through the parted sea
now I can feel
what I was meant to be
now I can touch the promise
given in the valley
forty years after eleven...
Tag: Trust God
Keep Pouring
Look away from your troubles and keep your eyes on the light. This is hard but we must. To look at the troubles is to look at Medusa and get stuck. You begin to try everything, but God. You become so bitter, preoccupied with the things sent to destroy and hold your dreams and faith captive. I see the river rushing by and at first, it seems violent. What should I do about this? Shame gripped me. My faith was weak. I trusted in people to get beyond the challenge not God. My faith was weak. In everything and everyone but God. God stripped away everything I felt was needed and I was left naked. So he could cloth me in His raments. I thought I needed certain things and people until I needed an ultimate provider. But it was God.
Pay attention. The obvious is so simple it fools you into thinking it’s harmless. We have been led away by our own desire. We become consumed by the things that will distract us and make our lives that much harder. Protect your peace, stay connected to God and do not walk in the spirit of unforgiveness. Don’t doubt that you can do what you are already doing. You won’t sink. Unless you take your eyes off Jesus. Keep going but that’s how you know you are on the right track. You keep going. Allow yourself to be moulded when “instant” is missing and “Waiting” stands ten feet tall. You are naturally confused, except for the confidence in the Lord. Keep going. when the fire burns hot, the lion circles, teeth bare white and sharp. keep going. You will walk through it. Keep pushing.
Your oil, that’s enough. A small jar of olive oil. Enough to light a flame in the secret place. So I poured the little oil into every little jar and it wouldn’t stop like a waterfall it came down. The oil never stopped:
She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.”
But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing
Keep pouring, till all the jars are full to filled and then rest.
Faith is a Knowing
So this year, my word is faith. I planned to develop my faith in God because I KNEW it was lacking in many ways. Now, I could not imagine that when I said, “God I want to grow in faith, my trust in You”, He would take the assignment so seriously! So in response, He said, “Say less” and ever since I have had so much whiplash that I could say nothing. My year of faith so far has shown God to be the master teacher He is!
Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed
I am realising how little faith I had in God and how much faith I placed in my own ability and in the support of others. I really was saying I trust God but I really did not. Therefore, I have to accept that I really was not faithful to God because I did not trust Him with everything. I have learned so far, that I was doing a lot without accomplishing a lot and so I have to do less, say less and be less. This is really hard because you are expected to do more, say more and be more to succeed. Or at least that is how I felt. I have tried my way and my way led me into a wall. But I thought that I could devise a plan to get over the wall and then tell everyone it was God when He really was never a part of the plan. I did not have the seed. I was planting on rocking ground with bad seeds. Seeds that were corrupted by many past traumas and disappointments. My seeds were tainted by distrust. Therefore, my faith in God was struggling and did not realise how much. The word is the seed.
What is faith?
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
I thought I knew Hebrews 11:1 but I did not. Because it was so familiar I could not see the truth that I did not know how to recognise confidence or trust as choices. I know God loves me but I was neither confident of this nor did I trust in this. There were too many wrongs done on my part, why would He love me unconditionally? Why didn’t I have to prove, at all times, that I deserve His love? I did not know the word at all. Reading the bible multiple times means nothing if the Bible is read like any other book. I heard that I had to meditate on the word of God but I was not doing that really. So my year of faith has taught me to read my bible, not as a checklist but as a guide to identifying a purpose-driven life. A life that knows God.
Without Faith, it is Impossible to Please God
So, I was not seeking God. I lacked faith, and could not please Him by being confident and trusting Him. I was confusing self-reliance with being a soldier for Christ. “Faith without works is dead,” so I worked hard, told God what I wanted and got into action. When things went south I asked God for help. See the problem? I asked God for help when things did not work out. I did not surrender my plans to Him and by extension my day, my dreams, my relationships, nothing. Did Jesus really suffer and die for me to be lukewarm in my faith? Of course not. I thought I was pleasing God but I was more intuned with pleasing people than God and that led me further from a true relationship with God. I was not honest. Now, I have to diligently seek him
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6)
So now I seek God because the reward is a true knowledge of God and a relationship with Him. It is also a place of peace.
God’s Plans and Peace
My bible verse for the year is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I need to learn and believe every facet of this verse. I do not yet. I know it, have known it from I had the sense to know the bible was the bible. However, I never believed it. I want to believe it now. For me, this verse is a love note from God. No matter who it was meant for at the time ti was spoken, I have decided that He had me in mind when He said it also. I need this love note to calm my fears and as a salve for my wounds. It will cure my fractured heart. It will remind me of hose I am when I do not recognise myself.
God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:40)
So God has a plan. Right now I do not and it is an uncomfortable place to be because it is unfamiliar. However, it is the best place to be because it is where I need to be. “God had planned something better”, there is no plan better than God’s plan. Saying that and knowing this is faith. There is peace in His words, “Be still and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10). So, I am learning that a part of Faith is being still.
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