Tag: Finding your happy place

True strength lies not in taking action, but doing so only after you have listened intelligently

There are times when you think you are doing what is right. When you see persons and you begin to admire them because they seem to be the exception and not the rule. We admire people who are able to sway others and convince us that what they do is for the greater good. But we need to be careful of the true intentions of persons we admire. Admiration can turn into hero worship and then to plain and simple worship. We become fixated on that person and every move they make becomes our problem and we know more about them than we do about ourselves. We make them our idols. Our waking thought becomes how to be like that person, how much we love and admire and respect them. But we never stop to think why this is so. What have they really done to earn this idol worship?

We do not owe anyone that level of adulation; we can respect them for their choices, without supporting them. We can recognize talent but also acknowledge how that talent may become a hazard to those around them. In other words, we need to check our intentions concerning persons we choose to admire. There are many messages that on the surface seem harmless, but they were created that way for the purpose of deceiving many. Take the word idealist for example, it can mean having lofty goals – which is good – but, can also mean being out of touch with reality – not good. It really comes down to context. When there is unease with some things that seem good, we prefer to wear blinkers and generally accept these messages not because we’re convinced, but because we do not want the wave to leave us behind. So we follow along like sheep to the slaughter, aiding and abetting our demise.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free

John 8:32

What is missing from the conscious psyche of many today is Shama (Hebrew word sh’ma – hear and understand) –the ability to listen with intelligence. Somehow we have to be able at all times to pick sense out of nonsense (as my granny use to say). We need to be willing to ask questions instead of accepting ready made answers given to us. We need to dig deeper to what’s hidden beneath the surface. It also brings to mind the saying, that all that glitters is not gold. The messages that we receive and accept, sometimes take a lot of time to craft just right to capture us; sometimes, the devil is in the details, and we have forgotten to put The Creator in it .

It’s easy to be distracted by all that is said, but maybe we need to pay attention to what is not said. To ask the questions that no one is asking and be willing to accept the truth instead of fearing it. But in order to do this we first must be willing to recognize the truth and not a version of some fantasy we have created to mask the ugliness of reality. We must be willing to confront the truth and use it to act wisely. We need to be willing to hear so clearly that we understand so well that we obey naturally. The hardest part for many is acceptance!

Nobody can teach me who I am.

― Chinua Achebe

Do you want to feel powerful – better yet, be powerful? Do you want to take back your power,to feel in control? Well what or who are you waiting on?No one can make you anything you were not originally created to be. If you think that someone has made you who you are, rest assured that the “you” they have created is dependent on that person and not you.

If you want to be sure about a decision but don’t know how to, and you have gotten ten different people to give you advice; stop and look no further than that small voice begging to be heard. If you consult it, and it is calm and balanced then continue, you are about to make the best decision for you and not those ten people who gave you an answer based on their own unconscious desires.

At this point you may be thinking of giving up, all this time it’s been one crisis or another and you are tired. Wait. The reason the pressure is on, is because things are about to take a turn for the better, hang on just a little longer. Even if the one branch left seems too slender to hold your weight; It will not break but bend.

And if you can remember why you started all those years ago, then it’s not a problem, you will get there anyway. Even when you felt at one point that you were going in circles as time slipped through your fingers, it’s not a big deal. Your goals may seem far away but you have come to the realization that what was once on the mountain peak is now on the plain. What was ahead is now in front of you and before you know it, will be behind, only a memory to take our and admire from time to time.

And (not if) when you reach this point, there is a whole new adventure waiting just around the corner.

You have a fullness you need to bring out. It’s not an emptiness you need to cover up with things…

― Ayi Kwei Armah, Fragments

We think of new beginnings when the new year rolls around, we make resolutions and we are excited for what’s to come. But how about making new beginnings when the time is right for you? In a year, in a lot of societies, there are four distinct seasons: autumn, winter, spring and summer – but not here in the Caribbean! If there are four seasons why should we limit our season of new beginnings to one time of the year?

What if we did not wait for a new calendar year to roll around to let go and free ourselves of past disappointments, failures, and regrets? There shouldn’t be a timeline on when to make a fresh start. When something stops working do we continue as if it’s business as usual? Therefore, why should we be restricted to an unfulfilling present when we can mature into a situation that holds a greater chance of us optimizing our potential? When we do not actively pursue the opportunities for new beginnings, we have become our own jailers. When we tenaciously hold on to that burning building, we are killing ourselves, and there is no one to blame for this untimely death, but the person looking back in the mirror.

Instead, we need to assemble our own caravan and begin our new season, when it is right for us. For it is impossible to move on the plans of another person, because those plans have been tailor made for them by the creator. To do so would be to always be in the shadows of sunset and not the glow of dawn. But we should also remember that as we step into this new season, we may have to leave some of our treasures and misbegotten gains behind, (friends, family members and even some well loved but of course destructive nemeses). But most importantly, as we begin to step forward we need to ensure that we leave all brokenness behind in our yesterdays. Instead we may have to look out for persons and signposts that can get us to where we need to be in this new season. Find others who have also been enlightened to the truth of seizing the moment and stepping into new situations.

And if you are still afraid to believe in your new season, remember the words in Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified

Isaiah 61:3

Today the first day of July, I was reminded of a very important lesson. I was reminded that we always have a choice in how our story will be told and unfold no matter what. Today I was reminded how wonderful life can be especially when faced with a possible terrifying diagnosis. I was reminded that there is always beauty for ashes.

Reflections: Isaiah 61

It suddenly struck me that I was a part of the year of the Lord’s favor, and no matter what challenges may come being defeated is impossible unless we allow it into our lives. When sadness becomes joy and tears become the rain that washes away all fears and doubts, then misery will have no company. I sat briefly with six dynamic women, one of whom had gotten some life altering news concerning her health and at the end of that brief moment I was inspired to laugh and not weep to see beauty and not pain. Isaiah 61 became an anchor to keep me grounded in the beauty that can be found in the ugliness of the world and I realized how foolish we are when we choose to let our stores be derailed by a spirit of despair; when we choose not to rebuild ancient ruins and restore places long devastated. When we choose to accept that we are not limited but limitless, then we can get beauty for ashes.

Life is always unpredictable, but we do not have to see the unpredictable nature of life as a burden but as a testing of our endurance, strength and faith. We therefore need to put on the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair and heaviness; afflictions are powerless unless we give them power. If we refuse to sit in the ashes of distress then The Most High will lift us above it all to make something beautiful out of each of us and many will see this beauty and never the despair. Don’t be afraid to get burnt by life’s ugly realities, because when you get burnt, God will replace the burnt out mess with something beautiful. Our victory is assured once we know we have inherited the crown of beauty .

letting go of your door post and moving into uncharted waters…

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us

– Joseph Campbell

It’s July and this month will finally be the time for us to like Jesus turn our sights firmly, unshakably on our Jerusalem. As we begin the last six months of the year let us be fully committed to focusing on stepping outside our comfort zones and doing all we can to be uncomfortable because we are no longer slaves to fear. We will not be stopped by doubts, perceived limitations nor preexisting conditions of misplaced inferiority complexes.

Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead

Luke 9:60

Be willing to let go of the Past

Let us see these last six months as the final leg of taking our power from the hands of those who would try to limit us. It’s a time for new growth, not just lazy summer days. It’s a time to answer the question: “what am I doing here?” If you do not know then you may be in the wrong place. It is therefore time to boldly step outside of your narrow world and see where you can make real changes and find meaning and purpose. While we may tremble inside at entering uncharted waters let us move forward nevertheless in hope and faith. It’s time to cut ties, let it go, because the time is now. It is the time you have been preparing for.

Everyone who gives a great testimony about his/her life begins with a beginning that was “inadequate” until something happened… a breakthrough became evident!

Israelmore Ayivor

Today was suppose to be a post about a wonderful event I had the pleasure of being a part of late last week. However, our plans are not always the end product. Sometimes we have to look at what we feel led to be our focus. So today is about having a breakthrough. At this same event I did something that two years ago would have been paved with tears of terror and frustration, self harm, sickness and excuses of why I could not do it. It always amazes me how wrong we can be about others. Many may look at someone for instance, and form many biased and faulty conclusions about him or her, without really knowing them. I have been told by many persons that I look so calm, and this has always perplexed me. For a very long time everyday I woke up anxious. At one point each class I would go to teach, took a lot of pep talk and many many tears. But many would not know that. I have struggled with mental illness for a long time. But many do not know this. There are many times that I smile or laugh at a joke, and it’s not because I am happy or find the joke funny, it’s so that I can fit in and be apart of a puzzle that everyone else seems to fit in so effortlessly. Yes looks are very deceiving.

I always thought I was shy, but recently I realize I am not shy. Instead I have been conditioned to be measured – too measured – and guarded with my reactions. In an effort to protect myself from abuse of one kind or another. I had forgotten and recently remembered, that I have had to train myself to not show emotion that others can use to their advantage. And in the process, I have almost completely killed who I truly am.

I remember an old man confronting one day with much laughter in his voice, “you a di likkle girl who use to cuss whole heap a bad wud?” He proceeded to tell me what a terrorist I was and how bossy I was with my older cousin. My aunt reminds me of the time “yuh tek people’s pickney” away from the safety of school, across a busy road to the family home -a home I no longer lived at, at the time- like a little gang leader, or the time my cousin sent for me to defend her from bullies, or the fact that I was always ready to entertain a crowd or go somewhere. In essence, I marched to the beat of my own drum and anyone who did not, would be run a ground – literally. Then out of the blue my mother said my brother remembers hearing me cussing “badwords”. I remember being fearless and defiant – like the time I was told to smile for a class photo but did not see the logic of the request and so did not do it. A time when I wanted to play the drums and be a singer. A time when as a child I recognized injustices and wanted to correct them with as much power a child could have. A time when in protest to an injustice done to me I went to the highest authority in the school, presented my case with solid evidence and with the backing of my grandmother was vindicated. I knew there was no limit to what I could do; even if there was beating waiting for me at the end of my shenanigans. And I was just a child.

And I think how fearful I have become and I wonder what that child would think of me as an adult. I am pretty sure she would cuss two “badwords” declare me an idiot and hiss her teeth in disgust. The progression of that child to adulthood has been rough. Though she was mentally tough she was smooth down to an inch of her true self. the genocide of that self is a genocide of who she really is. So when unconsciously that true self pops out in protest, every now and then, persons are surprised at it and you feel compelled to lock it away again, in order to belong. But the essence is still there struggling with the mask you keep in place for the world to love. The process of individuation is never easy. It requires reaching deep within to find your unique archetype- which is undefinable; in order to realize the power that has always been within you, existing on life support, waiting for the day to be dusted off and brought once more into the light.

It is terrifying, when you have created a whole person out of the perceived expectations of others; to then look in the pool to find something you tried to drown. It is terrifying when you have to somehow find your way back to you. To realize that your God given self is not shining through and you have to say enough is enough and take off the mask and be you.

You’re 100% responsible for your life. Stop whining and do something about it

–Mathieu Fortin

Today is Monday and psychologically we have been conditioned to view this as the potential for a brand new start. All the mistakes and missed deadlines have been wiped clean and we can start with a clean slate…

But feeling enthusiastic about once again facing mounting paperwork and the missed deadlines in reality, makes no one happy or even motivated. And therefore, in reality, many persons begin from the night before to prepare themselves mentally for all they left behind Friday. You have some who begin to wonder why they are in this particular job, and pray to God to miraculous free them from this burden. Upon awakening Monday morning, these same persons drag themselves out of bed to begin getting ready for the day. For a few, the bacchanal of the weekend is reduced to the gray and gloomy reality of work.

On the opposite scale there are the enthusiastic ones, ready and rearing to start the week. They have already decided what they will accomplish for the week and are highly motivated to get things started – who knows if by Tuesday they would have crashed and burned or soared beyond the sky. They arrive a little too early and are a little too chirpy with their “good morning!” They move a little too quickly and just make the reluctant and disoriented look bad. But what can we do? Their enthusiasm sometimes is enough to change a mood and provide some much needed motivation.

And so the work week begins, despite the kaleidoscope of emotions, we all troop out, committed to surviving the day; knowing that as the week progresses, it will all get better. And as we go we also say with some amount of relish and defiance: Why complain, it is what it is!