Category: Random Thoughts

Moderation: Why is it so hard?

Let’s make this week a Wisdom Week and start today on the right path by considering the value of moderation.

Quotes about Moderation (307 quotes)
What does this even mean?

Moderation is the avoidance of excess or is defined as doing something within reasonable limits. Now, moderation is not an area I am NOT strong in. When I decide to do something anything, I go all in. There is no halfway about me. However, this is something that has time and again been detrimental to my achieving any goal I have, as I get into trouble a lot by having the most unrealistic mindset and acting in the most extreme and unnecessary manner. And this is can be so exhausting. It is certainly no sane way to live! No matter what it is, if I am trying to be healthier for example, in the past I have gotten to the point where I end up eating next to nothing because it seems even a “superfood” or the healthiest thing on God’s green earth has a disadvantage. So, quinoa is good, then actually not, well dark chocolate is way better than milk chocolate but actually, it’s not! This goes on until I end up with a way of eating that is so extreme that I cannot keep it up and worst is damaging to my health and well-being. In order to have the perfect diet I somehow end up with a really unhealthy one and I know the inability to approach the enterprise with a concept of everything in moderation is the main culprit at play. I have yet to master the art of thinking and acting in moderation.

Balance and Moderation - Dr. Sears Wellness Institute
Is moderation a balancing act?

The question is also, is this possible for everyone to do? Can we all live a life based on a framework of moderation? To be extreme is to be farthest from the centre. If we are always going to the extreme, we are always moving away from the centre, we are always awry. If we are always awry, then we can never see the way ahead clear enough to read those signposts that can help us to the other side of where we want to be. Always having to remind ourselves that we have to be the best version of ourselves and be positive, smiling, smiling and being on our ‘A’ game can be quite annoying, tiring and lead to frustration or even resentment. Even being kind can become sickly sweet as the giver can burn out faster than a forest fire. Stretching yourself thin to do good has its disadvantages it would seem because we don’t know how to straddle that middle ground and find our centre.

A part of this need to be so extreme I believe, stems from how some view moderation. Some believe in order to be successful you have to give all or nothing. But is it really a good thing to have no middle ground (centre), to compromise on nothing all the time? Me having such a mentality has not worked out well. You see the more I tried to be an extreme me, the further away I got from myself because no one can last long being off-centre. It will manifest in some unpleasant ways that will set you back further than you thought you would ever be.

1 Timothy 5:23 Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for your stomach's sake and your often infirmities.
Can something seemingly good for us be too much?

So at this point, I am all for moderation in my life. I no longer believe that I have to be the best, just that I have to do my best which sometimes is just showing up, not because I have anything to contribute but because that is all I have in me to give on that day, at that time. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with being moderate, in fact, it is the happy medium I now seek. I know it is not elusive or a unicorn, I know I will have to rethink, relearn and reevaluate how I look at the world and how I look at me. But I believe it is the star I need to see my way ahead and avoid potholes that my extremist mindset cannot see.

Ecclesiastes 7:16-18 | The Name of the LORD is a Strong Tower

Accountability

Do you still blame your situation on circumstances beyond your control? I do. All the time. And I know I need to stop. I know it solves nothing. I know it leads nowhere.

9 Accountability Quotes to Inspire Action — Info Product Conversion Copywriter

It is so easy to blame your problems on things outside yourself. It is so tempting to offload all of that responsibility onto something else, especially if you feel or know within your heart it is justified. However, what purpose does this serve? Does it mean that by blaming others or something else, we can work through or even solve those problems?

When we think about accountability, we often times, think in terms of someone else. It is hard for many of us to separate our feelings from fact and see that we may have a lot of responsibility for the undesirable seasons we find ourselves in. When the wound is fresh and we are blinded by the pain of a particular situation we ignore the fact that the vehicle that carried us to where we are, are based on the decisions and choices that we made. Yes, those behind it may be evil, wicked people, but did we know that they were evil, wicked people going in? Did we know we were entering blindly, lacking the proper wisdom and knowledge and still went in? Did we know that we were starting something that held no guarantee, but we did it anyway. Now we are devastated because the results do not match our expectations – even if we knew those expectations were baseless.

Yes, there are times when really, things just happen and we have to roll with the punches and make the best of a bad situation. On the other hand, what we choose to do after the unexpected, may require us to take some if not all of the blame for the way things turned out. Things happen, all the time, but how we react to those things is a choice we make, whether it takes an eternity or a split second to make that choice. At the end of the day it was a choice that we made. There is no going back from it and there is no hiding from it either.

Can we take accountability fully and stop watching as things fall a part? When we see things are not working out, whether with a project we are working on, a relationship, job or friendship, we may need to step into solution mode and stop blaming everything around us. Do you know someone who seems to never get along with anyone, never fit in anywhere and can never do anything right? Maybe we check those boxes? Well at what point does it become a matter of that person taking a good look internally, and not what others have done or not done, not focusing on what opportunities were given or not given, but at what that person did or not do, believe or not believe assumed or not assumed? Unless there are perfect persons walking here on earth, then at some point the continuous valley season some of us experience may more than likely have something to do with what we are doing or not doing.

Accountability is necessary. It is important to hold others accountable but it is more important in solving our own problems, to make sure that we are holding ourselves accountable. So no excuses, do not fall in the trap of being a bystander in your own life, take accountability, know what you are about, take back your power and do what is needed to write your story in the way you see fit.

Steve Maraboli Quotes on Accountability - BukRate

What are You Building?

I know we talk and think a lot about building wealth, building our lives and securing our future. However, sometimes we forget to really check in with ourselves to find out why we are doing all of this. Is it because it is what we should be doing or is it because we are trying to, “keep up with the Joneses?”

Is the foundation on which we build our lives shaky or is it firm? Are we operating from a place of genuineness or jealousy and envy? These are questions that we don’t want to even think about let alone try to answer. But we must. We must, because once we start making progress and begin to see the manifestation of what we worked so hard for it is too late to go back to sure up the foundation, and we know what comes next:

Beetlejuice Falls Off Of Billboard GIF | Gfycat

Now, going back to the issue of building. Building our lives is important, but what that is, is going to be different from person to person. We cannot build off the energy, ideas or lived experiences of others, but from our own knowledge of who we are, what we can accomplish based on that and what we have to work with. This idea came to me literally as I was minding my business by minding someone else’s – a terrible human condition – and came across a bible scripture. Now the section that really caught my attention and took me off someone else’s business and onto my own, is Psalm 127: 1: Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it. From that verse I started wondering how many of us really think about what goes into the base, the foundation of our lives. When we make decisions that affect the rest of our lives do we think about why we are making those decisions and can we even be truly honest with ourselves about that. Are we building to be validated by others or are we building because we see ourselves as valid enough to operate from a place that is at the core of who we are?

Pray Your Own Prayer

I have come to realize that it makes no sense to see someone else and desire what they have. Take social media, we all know that what we see there is often times not real. The lives presented to us are not real, the situations are not real and the bodies often times are also not real. Yet, we fall into the trap of desiring what we see there. I was recently watching a YouTube video that pointed out that some of those popular fast fashion sites cater to a particular body type. Yet, you will still find women who buy those clothes to look like the models on the site. These same persons will then proceed to berate and discredit themselves because they do not look the same in the outfits that were never created for their body type.

It is the same in many areas of our lives. We may see a popular personality that spreads sunshine and roses. Who tell us to just be positive and pray real hard and one day your live too will come up smelling like roses. But guess what? It is okay if you find another path to happiness that does not mirror that person’s path. It is definitely okay, if you do not end up with the same results after seeming to follow in their footsteps, because you my dear, are not that person. You are not them and will never be. Secretly, There may be too many among us, who fall into the trap of living vicariously through those who seem to have reached the spot they one day want to occupy.

Some persons begin to think of all they can do to reach the same place as those they see as having succeeded. They get all the advice they can get, or, watch all the videos they can watch and seek out those experts who can give them what they don’t have. And yes some want to pray the same prayer/s that got those persons what they have. But here is the thing, you have to find your own way. You cannot encroach on some body else’s vision and plan for their life. You cannot go to the places they have been to or do the things they have done. You cannot pray that person’s prayer because it is specific to that person. You have to find your own way. Find what works for you and take the path that you can travel. You cannot pray Ciara’s prayer if you are [insert your name here].

Life is too short to be chasing someone else’s dream and trying to live someone else’s reality. Take a look at yourself, know yourself and love yourself enough to work on living a live suited for who your are, and not what you think you should be. Have dreams yes and work towards realizing them but make sure it is being done because and not in spite of who you are. We all need to be reminded of this for time to time. So pray your prayer but make sure it is your own unique prayer

Waiting Behind Walls

Hear me out for a minute. Sometimes we may feel we are being strong, resilient even defiant when we dig in our heels and refused to be moved. This calls to mind the African American spiritual song, “I Shall not be moved”, I shall not, I shall not be moved Just like a tree planted by the water I shall not be moved… I am sure it is meant to call to mind the strength of the individual to remain firm in the face of overwhelming obstacles. And while traditionally, it carries a positive message, let’s consider it another way.

Sometimes we have to move. Sometimes we have to uproot ourselves out of that water that has become infested by all manner of pollutants that threaten our true selves, our very lives. We cannot be rooted in places that offer no nourishment, that shrink us instead of making us tall, that compromise our potential instead of making us flourish. At that point we must move or be removed.

But, I wanted to go to the idea of walls. I have always found solace in hiding behind walls, after all aren’t they there to protect us? So we build walls to keep bad things out and the good in. Overtime we develop a false sense of security, we believe we are untouchable because we have the wall there to keep us safe. We start forgetting how bad things can get and we sometimes forget to recognize those things that are used to deceive us, we forget the evil and what it looks like and the fact that it can take many shapes and sizes. However, walls are never impenetrable, they can be breached. And when they are, will we be ready for the consequences?

How far can we go to have the lives we want for ourselves, in a space with innumerable pockets of potential disasters? This is not an easy question to answer and certainly cannot be answered by thinking or philosophizing about it, but by doing, taking action. However, there is one thing that I see as sure, sitting behind those walls and waiting things out makes us sitting ducks for those pockets that can explode and destroy those walls and breach those imaginary bubbles.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance


Should I sit or stand
mi caah bother
speak well
look well
be well
you are your own master.
hustle
hustle 
hustle
got to stay in the race.
to be a tough rock or a tender grass
"oh what a rat race, yeah!"

"Got to be true to myself" - 
but be like everyone else. yes?
Got to get up 
when told
so people will see
that I am good at taking orders.
I will be free but maybe...
maybe to much freedom is dangerous?

I must cry!
I must scream!
I must set the place on fire!
I must whisper or whimper
Spit my Seething displeasure
vomit up howling disappointments.
Be calm and say nothing - 
remain respectful
all the time...

I am hurt
healed
I am a monster
beautifully made
imagined
real
blinded by a light
that makes me see
clearly.

regurgitated slugs hang suspended
mouth ready to devour
spare a prayer...

scabs at all stages
congealed
across picket lines...

Ineffable
incandescent beauty
illuminates Gossamer
A web of lies
fleeting 
like a butterfly's fragile wings.

"Oh what tangled webs we weave"
until we have no silks to hypnotize
but regrets borne from grieve.

Look Deeper

For someone who has introverted tendencies living in the world today can be so challenging. What matters to most are first impressions, what people are most critical of is the outward appearance. Not everyone is born an introvert. There are certain traumas in life that can create a figure that is isolating and distant. One who carries little warm on first glance and who seems to repel the brightest rays of sunshine. But looks are deceiving.

Sometimes, we have to look deeper at those seemingly cold persons, we have to take a second glance and stare. We may even have to get into action and remove the veil they are hiding behind to uncover their warmth and their beauty. However, you have to be willing to look and many persons, sadly, do not want to take the time to look. As a result of this, we miss those wonderful experiences we could have had with those persons. Instead we leave them having assumed that they were never worth our time anyway, “stuck up much!” But did we really take the time to form an accurate impression of that person? Did we really give them a chance to thaw?

We are easily permitted to be quick to judge and slow to show grace, we do everything at lightening speed, so why not form an opinion of someone the same way? The answer, it can be dangerous. It can be dangerous when we have decided that someone is unequivocally the way we have perceived them to be. We need to be kind and not and not the #bekind which has been seriously misused by some. But truly authentically being kind to each other and that means being willing to give someone a chance and the time to show their true selves. I think especially of this today, Women’s Day. Some women are too willing to tear other women down in order to build themselves up, to judge on sight and to condemn based on prejudices. Instead what we need is to take a closer look to see that there are threads of connection that pull us together that tear us a part. Do not be naïve, but also do not become harden by life experiences. When we take the time to look closer at someone we maybe helping them to remove the mask that has silenced them and one that has hidden them from the world.