Category: Encountering New Experiences

Good Friend Better than Pocket Money

Just letting you know this is an appreciation post for all the good friends out there!

In this the year of our Lord 2021 at 30 something (maybe one day I will share that), I can now say that this piece of gem is pricelessly true. Looking back at the friends I have chosen to gather to myself, I can say that nothing in this world is as priceless and more important than having good friends. These are the friends who love you for no other reason than you are you and because they want the best for you. My friends see my flaws and yet still they can see the vast potential clearer than those flaws and not just observe but help me to shape them.

If there is one thing I have been good at in this life is choosing the right friends for me. Ladies and gentlemen, who never expected anything from me except to show up as myself. I may have disappointed some of them in the past but that has never stopped them from defending me, loving me and cheering me on. Because of them I realized how blessed I am. Because of them I have learned how to be stronger mentally and spiritually, how to pick myself up and carry on after a fall and how to graciously accept my victories. When I think about primary and high school, university and work, I have met people I consider friends who have added to the tapestry that is me.

As I sit here and think about all the friends I have now, real friends, I feel blessed. In my most difficult moments and at my lowest, even when they did not have the full story, they were there for me. When I was having a mental breakdown, medical issues and a spiritual crisis they were there. When I needed to finish my book and find my confidence they were there building me up. There is no way I can repay them, all I can do is love all of them and support them when their turn comes.

A friend sent me this meme below, and it really highlighted the value of a good friend:

Why are you always good to me meme - AhSeeit

In a world where too many friendships are transactional, it is good to know that you have people in your corner who see you, hear you and just let you be you. It reminded me of Proverbs 18:24: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Good friends are hard to get and we need to remember that and count our blessings.

Quitting when it Counts

“A winner never quits and a quitter never wins”, unlike this quote, this piece is not about perseverance but on the real need sometimes to quit while we are ahead.

Here’s a thought how about we quit when quitting is the right thing to do. Sure we have been told all our lives never to give up and to keep trying and we should. But, what if the path we are on the thing we are pursuing is causing us more harm than good? Should we keep pushing, expending all our time, energy and potential on something that offers no reward?

If you have to second guess whether or not you should be exactly where you are maybe quitting is an option to consider. Perseverance is important in the world we live in today, however, trying to persevere when there is this nagging feeling that there is something else beyond what you currently experience should not be ignored.

This maybe a stretch for many but consider this, what if we thought about quitting as a way not to settle for less than we can have and that our efforts require. When we see the writing on the wall, and we know what it means, sometimes in the name of persevering we commit and participate in our own downfall. Sure we have dreams, we have goals and we want them to be realized. But, if we evaluate some of them can they stand up to scrutiny, are the based more on a sentiment that on hard cold reality? In being stubborn about some of those dreams that really were based on unrealistic expectations, are we being blind to the other opportunities around us?

There are things I am slowly letting go of, and through this process I have been less stressed, unhappy and dissatisfied. I am stubborn to a fault and I have always seen this as a positive, until this very flawed characteristic nearly cost me my sanity. I was unwilling to give up on a failed enterprise because I had given so much time, made so much sacrifice and burnt some bridges in the process. So there I was about to go down with the ship – would have gone down with it too – until a cold bucket of reality snapped me back from that fatal finale. No one should wait until they have tested the benevolence of that cliff and how quickly we can slip down it, before taking a step back and walking away. When faced with the challenge of quitting, don’t think about what others will say or how they will react. Instead be honest and determine if our own myopia and fear of being seen as a failure could be holding us back.

Yes, this piece has a lot of questions but few explicit answers. However, I think if you dig a little deeper and be more honest, they answers are already there.

Escape to Last Man Peak

“Escape to Last Man Peak” by Jean D’Costa was a novel I read when I was in first form at St. Jago High School. I was riveted, captivated and enthralled by the adventure related in this work of fiction. So much did this novel leave a mark on me that even today years old I still remember the story. In our present situation, I see a lot of similarities between what happened in the book and the crisis that we face today:

The book chronicles the adventures of ten orphans, who lost their caretaker Miss Brown (Matron), to a deadly pneumonia virus (referred to as the “sickness”). After the pneumonia outbreak, the country was plunged into a state of emergency, as the disease raged through the country claiming many lives… the children began to plan their escape.

I am sure that there are many who would gladly abandon the chaos and uncertainties of their present situation to escape to a place they felt was safer and more hopeful. However, it was not easy for these children. They faced many perils, many dangerous adults who tried to use them for their own gain. Yet, they persevered and made it to the safe haven of Last Man Peak. But along the way they were almost kidnapped, shot at and had to outsmart a notorious gang in one of the towns they journeyed through. They also met persons without whose help, they could not have made it. Persons who opened their homes and fed them and gave their some sound advice. In all of the many exciting encounters they children embodied the spirit of resilience and hope. Never being deterred by the many obstacles they faced they pushed on until they reached their destination.

That story of escape and resilience in the face of great obstacles is one I have carried with me in my own journey. Our journey in this life is not just physical, but also mental and spiritual and though we may take different routes we all must take these journeys. Once these children reached Last Man Peak, the physical journey ended for them but the work had just began. In the course of things now we need to claim our own journey and be ready to work ten times harder than we ever did to secure the peace we seek. We must embrace the truth that making our journey will be difficult but necessary. Those children never deviated from their course and were never defeated by their challenges, and we must be the same.

“I’ve got to live well”

What does living well mean?

I heard someone, fabulously wealthy, say they started as a vendor, sleeping on the concrete floor to living in a mansion. He ended that rags to riches anecdote by saying that having gone through that experience he, had to live well. This was said in the context of him displaying his fabulously expensive possessions and giving a glimpse into his fabulously “envious” lifestyle. However, when he said, ” I’ve got to live well”, I wondered what he meant by that.

Is living well, living a fabulously wealthy lifestyle? Does one have to have a rags to riches story to tell while sitting in a finger designed custom made fluffy chair. According to Ulifeline.com, living well involves, physical and mental good health, having self-identity, having healthy relationships and being aware of your career path and work at it. However, I was not satisfied with this because I felt, that maybe not everyone who think they are living well would agree with this formula. So I checked another source.

According to Kate swaffer in her article that deals with the issue of living with dementia, living well in the medical sense means being free of disease, but for her living well is about living with hope. This differs greatly from the focus in ULifeline, mainly because the contexts presented in each differ.

On the other hand, bcliving.ca views living well as going even further than the two aforementioned articles. For them living well must take into consideration the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual characteristics of a person’s life. As we speak about spiritual, just a connection here to the catalyst of this entire article. The fabulously rich man who indicated that he does not want to be limited, references the book of Genesis in the Bible – no exact chapter or verse, but I think he is referencing Genesis 1:28 – as a reason to have dominion over everything. So for him having wealth is about having shoes that have never been worn hanging out in his closet rent free and material things that can be viewed like an art piece in a museum.

I realized at the end of my considerations that the concept of living well differs based on who you ask. The only conclusion is that we each have to figure it out for ourselves. When we say we want to live well, what does that mean to us?

Learning To Celebrate Yourself.

When I was younger I was the center of attention and I loved it. I would show up and show all the way out. You want a dancer? I will be the best. You want someone to cuss? There will be no other. You want a singer? Mariah Carey who. And all of this before I was 10 years old. But the older I got the less I showed out until I stopped showing up.

So, slowly as I got older I learned to have a filter, until I had filtered out everything that would make me stand out. I started to doubt myself, when I did not get the response I expected. Then I started to think maybe if I was real quiet things would work out better for me. I no longer wanted attention because there are the wrong ones that will get you into so much trouble. Then maybe if you are too bright there will be more to pick a part.

But when then will you celebrate your life? Whether you achieved all you thought you could, would or should achieve, it is important to celebrate yourself. We must learn to celebrate who we are and where we are at that moment knowing that we will not remain there. There are many lists on offer out there on how you can celebrate yourself. However, there is no right formula, no specific recipe and no set timeline. But each day we get up, we need to celebrate ourselves, we need to regain the confidence we once had and be grateful for all we have been through and enjoy the journey we will be on that day. Take along those who will celebrate with you and let go of those who will not.

Life is beautiful only if you see the beauty and not only the pain, but both. Life is transformative, only if you are willing to grow. We may each have a reason not to but celebrating who you are ensures you never lose yourself.

So…I wrote a Book.

When I was a child and asked what I wanted to be, I chose the most popular at the time. I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer. Then when I got older I wanted a glamourous job, a flight attendant (at least it was marketed as glamourous), super model (though I barely reached past five feet), an actress (though I never joined drama club), a singer (though I did not develop on my natural singing voice). Then I wanted something related to the subject I loved, I wanted to do journalism, travel the world and write about these places. Then I went to university and wanted to be whatever could pay for my student loans.

So, I ended being a teacher and have been doing this ever since. Along the way I have been inspired to write for different reasons and seasons. I write when I am happy, sad and mad. When I think I have something to say and when I know I have nothing to say but want to get out what is in me before it explodes from me. Writing has been something I have always done. Being the only child in a household of adults, great grand parents to be exact, I really did not have much option. I use to read four books in one day, write in my diary every day and read every box, bag, tube or bottle with words on it. Writing has always been my friend.

So when life throws something at me I have to write it down but in my own way. I had to tell my stories as I saw fit and poetry was the most beautiful way I could.

So I wrote and published a poetry book with poems that I have been writing for over ten years. Over the years I had promised myself I would write a book, but it was not gonna be a poetry book. It was gonna be novels like the one Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie wrote or Toni Morrison or Edwidge Danticat or Jamaica Kincaid. However, all I ended up writing were my poetries. I would read them to myself and be amazed that I wrote them. But that was all.

Then people saw them and told me I should publish them and I was mystified as to what they saw that gave them the idea that I could write anything great enough to be published. Then, much later, I realized that I was only finding excuses not to try. Excuses based on my own insecurities.

So this year I finally found the courage – with the support of some great people and dear friends – to learn more and grow, to put myself and my work out there and leave it there. I have a long way to go but this book is the step I needed to get out of my head.

The Purpose of Regrets

There are many videos on YouTube around the issue of regret. There are videos about things I regret from my 20s, 30s and so on and so forth. However, I wonder if laying out those wounds, past hurts and disappointments really accomplishes much. Maybe for many persons, regrets from their past have given them the impetuous to work harder and push further. But, there is the real danger that regret can become our lifelong companions and deprive us of the joys of now.

There are many things in my past I wish I had done differently that at the time seemed perfectly sane and absolutely necessary. There are things I knew was wrong but did anyway, because life is complicated. However, does it now make sense that I allow those past decisions to control my decisions now through a sense of making the same mistakes or having similar results?

I have determined thus far that no one can every make the right decision for you and nobody wants to. Therefore, the decisions that we make must be in our best interest if we aim to do something anything along the lines of our purpose here on earth. When I tell you I regret not having financial literacy, not listening more to my intuition and not getting out of bad relationships quickly, ask me what am I doing now having learned those lessons.

It is easy to get stuck on our regrets, especially when what others think of us matter too much to us. When we compare ourselves with everyone and wonder why we are not further along. When instead of using our past as a blueprint to live the rest of our lives, we find ways to relish those disasters by taking them out from time to time and having a “poor me” party.

ACT NOW

  • I wish I had spoken up for myself – you still can begin now
  • I wish I’d let myself be happier – you are still alive BE happy, do what makes you happy
  • I wish I had the courage to life a life true to me – you can it is not too late create moments where you do
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with more people – if you can’t reach out to them now treasure the ones you can and make it a point to keep connected
  • I wish I had not been so focused on what others thought about me – it may be hard but start taking that approach now, work towards being as unbothered as you can be!

Regrets are a part of life, we all have them, but do not let your regrets overshadow your life.