Is it Me? Is it me or did life get harder when I turned eighteen? Did the games we play turn into nightmares? Those doll house turning into true horror houses. Who knew that the fun would end and to survive we would have to bend to uncompromising wind? Though there were childhood horrors they pale against the terror of fighting untold torchbearers. Did our daily bread transform into a rocks too hard to chew and deadly to consume? Is it me or does it seem that finding the sun means fighting the rain so I can see again?
Category: Encountering New Experiences
Remove that Dark Cloud
Change your position and remove that dark cloud hanging over you.
This is the message I got today and I want to share it. We are all guilty for, at one time or another, chasing something that is not for us and running from what is. Have you noticed how much trouble this brings? Well it does, we deceive ourselves by thinking the way we are going is the only way and we run away from the centre of who we are. We choose to ignore where we should go and do because, we don’t like it. We see everyone else moving in a wave and it looks cool and we want to be a part of it, but we are better off going the opposite way.
We entre relationships, hold on to them when they bring us more harm than good. Then, we wonder why nothing ever works out, why people leave and why we just seem to always in the wrong crowd. We pick at the tree that is not fruitful, a tree that is not flourishing and expect to be nourished. But the roots of that tree is rotting and because we are blind we cannot see, because we have lost our sense of smell we can smell the stench that warns of the dangers and damage that this rotting tree will bring.
When things are falling a part do we really need to go down with the ship? Of course not! We need to stop going, stop thinking that if we just carry on things will get better, that things will change. But we need to be humble enough to know when to let go, to admit that the decisions we made were mistake, to say sorry and get back on the path we should have stayed on, doing what we were meant to be doing. We need to wake up in those times and do something, not read self help books and internalize what we read, we need to always be willing to do the work that will remove the dark cloud over our heads.
We all are different, but we all can relate to having those clouds over us. We need to take the time to remove them to truly talk through them, so we can experience the brilliant light hiding behind them.
Hurt people Hurt
Hurt people Hurt i am not a toy you can play with when i displease you you cannot put me away when you need me you cannot then pick me back up i am not here for your pleasure to dance and shift as your whim fancies i'm not here today and gone tomorrow like a figment of your imagination i am not a pet project a hobby that bears the essence of a novelty to wish me dead because i harmed you and to lift me up when i please you i am not your mirror to reflect what you need to see your voice that soothes your ego your pleasure is not my pain so i will not claim it you cannot know me because you have not earned that right my i will become my I now hear me! did you hear me? Yes. To divest from selfish to self-less I peeked into hell and as I did I looked deeply too deeply and saw carnage some created by me.
Wanderlust
Wanderlust The itch comes upon me frequently. With great urgency my pulse beats a steady tattoo. I sit still - or try to - but nothing really works. I move here and there within the space I'm meant to but nothing really matters. I know I have responsibilities but they were not mine to choose. Each moment ticks by and with it I lie - it doesn't really matter. But can I, put my feet outside step out to an other side that will fit my outsized frame? Yet now, behind these bars I look longingly, desperately, and try to lift these weary feet.
I’m Still Blessed.
I'm Still Blessed I wade in wader almost to my head I'm still blessed. I walk bare on these embers I'm still blessed. Frost bites on top of frost bites I'm still blessed. My tears grow each day uncountable I'm still blessed. Grief stuck a blade deep in my heart I'm still blessed. I crawl across deserts unable to walk I'm still blessed. My eyes gorged out by injustices I'm still blessed. slowly I bleed out everywhere I'm still blessed. mutilated for my humanity I'm still blessed. In chains I must rise daily I'm still blessed. Thrown over cliffs to swim or sink I'm still blessed. Into an empty I've been caste I'm still blessed. Left to starve on my own bile I'm still blessed. My anchor holds me down the sun still rises in the east each morning My tremulous heart still beats A light guides me comes out of me and tells me you still have a reason you're still blessed.
Good Friend Better than Pocket Money
Just letting you know this is an appreciation post for all the good friends out there!
In this the year of our Lord 2021 at 30 something (maybe one day I will share that), I can now say that this piece of gem is pricelessly true. Looking back at the friends I have chosen to gather to myself, I can say that nothing in this world is as priceless and more important than having good friends. These are the friends who love you for no other reason than you are you and because they want the best for you. My friends see my flaws and yet still they can see the vast potential clearer than those flaws and not just observe but help me to shape them.
If there is one thing I have been good at in this life is choosing the right friends for me. Ladies and gentlemen, who never expected anything from me except to show up as myself. I may have disappointed some of them in the past but that has never stopped them from defending me, loving me and cheering me on. Because of them I realized how blessed I am. Because of them I have learned how to be stronger mentally and spiritually, how to pick myself up and carry on after a fall and how to graciously accept my victories. When I think about primary and high school, university and work, I have met people I consider friends who have added to the tapestry that is me.
As I sit here and think about all the friends I have now, real friends, I feel blessed. In my most difficult moments and at my lowest, even when they did not have the full story, they were there for me. When I was having a mental breakdown, medical issues and a spiritual crisis they were there. When I needed to finish my book and find my confidence they were there building me up. There is no way I can repay them, all I can do is love all of them and support them when their turn comes.
A friend sent me this meme below, and it really highlighted the value of a good friend:
In a world where too many friendships are transactional, it is good to know that you have people in your corner who see you, hear you and just let you be you. It reminded me of Proverbs 18:24: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Good friends are hard to get and we need to remember that and count our blessings.
Quitting when it Counts
“A winner never quits and a quitter never wins”, unlike this quote, this piece is not about perseverance but on the real need sometimes to quit while we are ahead.
Here’s a thought how about we quit when quitting is the right thing to do. Sure we have been told all our lives never to give up and to keep trying and we should. But, what if the path we are on the thing we are pursuing is causing us more harm than good? Should we keep pushing, expending all our time, energy and potential on something that offers no reward?
If you have to second guess whether or not you should be exactly where you are maybe quitting is an option to consider. Perseverance is important in the world we live in today, however, trying to persevere when there is this nagging feeling that there is something else beyond what you currently experience should not be ignored.
This maybe a stretch for many but consider this, what if we thought about quitting as a way not to settle for less than we can have and that our efforts require. When we see the writing on the wall, and we know what it means, sometimes in the name of persevering we commit and participate in our own downfall. Sure we have dreams, we have goals and we want them to be realized. But, if we evaluate some of them can they stand up to scrutiny, are the based more on a sentiment that on hard cold reality? In being stubborn about some of those dreams that really were based on unrealistic expectations, are we being blind to the other opportunities around us?
There are things I am slowly letting go of, and through this process I have been less stressed, unhappy and dissatisfied. I am stubborn to a fault and I have always seen this as a positive, until this very flawed characteristic nearly cost me my sanity. I was unwilling to give up on a failed enterprise because I had given so much time, made so much sacrifice and burnt some bridges in the process. So there I was about to go down with the ship – would have gone down with it too – until a cold bucket of reality snapped me back from that fatal finale. No one should wait until they have tested the benevolence of that cliff and how quickly we can slip down it, before taking a step back and walking away. When faced with the challenge of quitting, don’t think about what others will say or how they will react. Instead be honest and determine if our own myopia and fear of being seen as a failure could be holding us back.
Yes, this piece has a lot of questions but few explicit answers. However, I think if you dig a little deeper and be more honest, they answers are already there.
ramblrWrites.com 