How Bad Do You Want It?

I could feel it just behind me. Breathing down my neck. The light was so far away. I could feel the hot air and stale breath snake into my nostril, and mouth as it tried to consume me. It hypnotised me. I stumbled.

“How bad do you want it?” That was a strange question. After all, I was not looking for an opportunity. I was approached.

“Look stop frowning. I have to make sure”

“I thought you needed me more than I needed you? So why that question”

Yes, I had just left school and had this huge debt to pay back, but I was nervous. After all, there were scammers everywhere. People who sensed vulnerability and pounced. I knew I would not allow myself to become a victim.

“Look I can see that the sun a burn you, let’s go under the shade”

It was good that he suggested this because the sun was also blinding. Apart from his jaundiced skin, I could make out nothing clearly. Everything was a blur. We quickly moved to an empty spot, after all, it was lunchtime and no one wanted to be delayed.

“Well the job I have for you is a good paying job, I can help you to position yourself well to get one. You look like an intelligent girl. But this job goes fast so I would need to know today if you are interested”. His voice was a little too smooth, practised and precise. But I felt rooted.

“Listen, I know jobs are hard to get, but don’t worry, I can help you”. I did not say a word. I was trying to read the truth of his words in his diminutive stature, the hollows of his cheeks that cast a shadow and the warmth of his eyes that spoke of sincerity. Well, I started to see the possibility of authenticity.

“Alright, here is my card, I am a recruiter and I am not like them scammer bwoy. You have to tell me if you are interested because we need workers now.” Should I take the plunge? I had no connections to getting a job, my family didn’t have it like that. I would never benefit from cronyism. He seemed genuine. But –

“Listen, I am not staying too long with you but if you are interested, I need $10000 dollars for the uniform and to get you on the list but that is all. All you need to do is prepare your resume and come prepared to do an interview.” Ten thousand dollars! Now this was a scam! Surely he saw me when I left the ATM and was running a scam on me.

“$10,000 for what!?” I never hear say you have to pay for a job nowadays.

“Listen” Bwoy his voice smooth like silk. Surprising because his dirt-stained shirt hastily draped on his body indicated that he was anything but smooth. I really looked at him in the shadows but could detect no crack in his sincerity. I could not see his eyes, they were hidden behind the darkest pair of sunglasses I had ever seen. I needed a job. What should I do?

“Alright, I am interested but why do I have to buy-?”

“You wasting my time. I have been doing this for ten years now. I always recruit people to work in customs at the airport. Do you have a first degree?”

“Yes”

“Then you are an ideal candidate”.

” I don’t have $10,000″

“Hey wait nuh man! If not ten then five. I don’t normally do this but I will because I am not a hard man. So give me what you have now and the rest later. How that sound?” Well five better to lose than ten! It so hard to get a job, especially with those who can employee you telling you if you wait one year before you can get a job it is okay. eh, who would say such a thing, especially when I have student loan to pay back. I still don’t trust this brother.

“Now if you are interested I want you to meet me on French Street, by the Green Grocers this Friday at 10 a.m.” Well, I want to see if people this wicked. I gave him the five thousand dollars and he gave me his number. The way my hand sweating, the money seemed stuck to my palms. I hope this works because is a real fool I going to be, come Friday if him don’t turn up.

“Remember, Friday, French Street, 10 a.m. Don’t be late” With that he walked off with my precious five thousand dollars. A wave of embarrassment and trepidation overcame me as I quickly walked away. Did I make a mistake?

Now She Sleeps

Now She Sleeps

We had to leave her

I wonder if she is cold?
They put her on ice.
Stiff.
Frozen in Time.
No more.
They left her
in the dark.
She could not find her way to me.
They took her shoes
gave her a box
left us a crystal drop.


Will I see you again?
In Heaven?
Can I hug you there?
Will they let me?
Can I kiss you?
Like I did not here?

For now I'll let you sleep.

The Secret Place

The Secret Place

Do not
lose
have faith
timelines
may change
emptiness
will fade
fortune
will smile
miracles
they exist
still
even in
desolation.

In a secret place
Out springs new life
rain pours over pain
desert loose their claim
Like Queen of Andean
life rears alive again
Edenesque ideal now tamed
where endless rivers flow
also too dreams grow
in neatly assigned rows
where you can glow
kissed by benevolent miracles
 refreshed by the glow
of your secret place.

Nuggets to Keep You Focused

I enjoy reading inspirational quotes when I need a little pick-me-up. There are just some days when you are too much with yourself, you get into your head and seem stuck there. Recently, I have been feeling a little out of sorts and have been trying to get out of the funk I’m in. This time instead of scouring the internet looking for some inspo quotes, some came to me that are helping me. So, today I share with you all some that I think will be helpful when you find yourself in that position. It really takes great commitment and effort not to be totally flattened by negative thoughts and emotions, that for whatever reason assault us out of the blue. Take all of these quotes or one that brings you the comfort that you need to get through each second, minute, hour or day:

A new chapter can begin when even in uncertainty and doubt you say yes. Not because you know the time is right, but because you are right for that time.

Forgive yourself for yesterday and live for today

Chances are you won’t walk this way again, so stop, breathe, taste, touch and live

Commit to one small act to revive the soul each day and fill your life’s album

Do not be defined by the past but redefine yourself instead

Feel what you feel but do not make it your bedfellow

You can only get from others what they see you give to yourself

Being kind to others is a good habit to develop each day, but leave some over for yourself.

Regret is a cold, cruel dish that if ingested, will give you indigestion!

You will be miserable at times, and you may feel helpless and even lonely at times, but whatever you feel, be honest with yourself so that those feelings have an escape and do not do harm

A lie, even one by omission, takes too much effort to try and control and in the end, it leads you off a cliff

You are allowed to have moments of doubt but do not swallow them or they will burn and singe your insides like molten lava

The Runaway

The Runaway

I am running away
today.
my mind 
works in steps
that quickly 
run away
from defects
that scream
 "No next
yesterday or today!"
I chase away
the doubts
they lodge 
they sprout
         
     they suffocate
to death
the dreams
dying to come out.
So I lay
wait
twisted 
folded
about
to see, 
the metamorphic me.

Where Do I Begin?

Where Do I Begin?

I am in ruin,
where do I begin?

Nothing is true
not even you
for you
are conditional
surealism view
lies 
to fool a few
who knew
better
but were fools
to dreams
youths 
who flew
in a cage
crafted with glue
that monsters could undo
with
addictive 
compulsive
untruths.