“Yes! I had finally gotten rid of it. It would no longer rule my life. Maybe I can take a break from being so vigilant and do the things I’ve always wanted to do.”
I made the mistake to think I could use a bandaid to cover a gash. I had done what I set out to do really I had fixed the problem, permanently.
But that was not the case, because some problems are bigger than we are and we have to seek help. But I, I had solved my own problems and now things would be smooth from this point forward. So without knowing that my nemesis was lurking, I started to pat myself on the shoulder, maybe I got a little cocky and started doing something that got me in trouble in the first place. But never mind, those things can be handled or at least I know I can handle those things.
So naturally, I went ahead and did whatever I felt like doing, even if it wasn’t right for me. After all, I knew when to pull back and get myself in line. But, I did not. Better yet I could not pull, not after I started and certainly not when I wanted to stop. But I was still sure I would never get back from where I was coming from.
However, I underestimated its tenacity and willingness to wait, a trait I have yet to fully master. So it waited for its chance while acting like a fool, doing everything but being vigilant. As I became confused by my desire and neglect it slowly crept back to the top. It crept back on top of me, overwhelmed me and locked me under its spell of pain and dread. Now, I am playing catch up and I can’t allow it to get too ahead of me, all is not lost yet. I have to take some drastic steps to crawl out of the dark hole it flung me in, dust off myself, build up my strength and attack it this time at its roots. I have no other choice left…