I found myself reflecting on some wild expectations I previously had. I never said and would never admit it, but all my life I have worked hard at being perfect. Based on circumstances beyond my control and because of those circumstances being beyond my control, I have tried to do the right thing, to be what others said I was. However, the more I try the harder I fell and failed. I trying to be perfect I have taken countless Ls.
So, I have decided not to try anymore. I won’t try to eat the right thing all the time, because when I do I crave more of the things I try to avoid and that is maddening. I wont try to meet those deadlines, because something always happens to push them back. I won’t try to say the right things all the time, because I have grown to be the hypocrites I do not like. I won’t try to be nice when no one asked or expects me to be nice. I won’t try to be always right, because I now know the hard way, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” Proverbs 12:15. I won’t try to measure up to the next person, because I do not want to be anyone except myself, I think I am good enough for me.
Don’t worry, I do not intend to dream less and work towards what I am suppose to have but, I do not need to do it all and be all and have it all. I am content do display my many, many imperfections like a battle scare well earned. I have earned each failure because each reminded me that I am alive and that I am strong. In trying to be perfect I almost went mad, but I did not. Now I know I will bend but wont break or shatter and I take heart knowing this as I move ahead.
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