Have you ever felt as if you are drowning under the a wealth of raw uncontrollable emotions?
When you try to catch a breath, you draw empty? Somehow all the air has been sucked out of your world and the only thing you have left, is deep and shameful inadequacies.
Have you ever felt as if you have been encased in a layer of thin ice? You see all who walk over you, leaving their imprint but they never see you. You call to them but that thin layer of ice is just too thick for you to be heard, too thick to break through.
There are moments where without the bars, you still feel like a prisoner, without the chains, you have become a modern day slave. You shake so badly that your teeth seem as if they are having a good old time in your mouth and just below the surface the lava is licking your insides, causing steam to shoot out from the very depths of you. Confusion assail you and you don’t know what to do. Where is the solution, how can you stop the fire from burning you down, to dust. Do you feel as if in that moment nothing matters except that burning red haze that blinds your vision?
Your voice gets louder, your temperature rises, but no one can hear you, because no one listens to you. You plot, plan and construct all the ways you can rid yourself of this deadly haze, to see clear blue skies instead of boiling hot monsters, huffing and puffing to blow everything down!
Is there nothing that can be done. no cure for what ails you at those moments? Are you doomed forever to suffer in your sense of impotent rage?
It only takes one match to light a spark or to burn down a forest. It only takes one careless act to destroy another person’s life. Just one moment when you forget what it requires to be a human being and to see beyond your own needs. If you cannot see beyond your own problems then the hurt you inflict on another to solve that problem, could be the feather that breaks the camel’s back.
When the back is broken there is a wailing of anger that you try to cover with words of kindness, smiles and fake humility. You sit in your corner and are fed upon by fear. Fear becomes your constant thorny bed upon which you lie and bleed slowly, continuously.
The only cure is to shed false virtues of loyalty to the thing that brings the fear. Renounce and find your voice to speak out, no matter what may come. Take the time to discover if this anger is just or not, and what you want to do about it. Or, may you need to exit stage left to find that you are happier without the blinding lights of a bad situation. Make an escape plan and work until you get it right, then go far, far away and never come back.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1:3 )
Or you can find peace in the only place you can; in the presence of The Almighty.