Dear You,
This year has already been the hardest year of my life, and it is just coming to the end of March! Right now I feel like I am being crushed on every side. I had to make the decision to move from where I lived suddenly because it was no longer serving me. Great wonderful, with God’s grace and the determination of a friend I moved with her into a really nice flat. Comfortable, nice. Yes, this is life! I felt a little freer, so I got cosy.
Then wham, work troubles. I cannot do anything right all my decisions are poor and I walk around with egg permanently on my face, yolk dripping on the floor. Okay. This is a new experience. My brain felt fuzzy I walked in a daze. I need to fix my face, permanently stitched in terror of what happens each day. “You can do this girl, God’s got you” – weekend prep talk leading into Monday morning blues. I swear every day I gonna resign. But, I have to keep holding on. Each period of the day was a struggle of wading through the Sargasso sea, with no life jacket, just God and me. Well, isn’t this nice, it seems this is the price to dear step out. Okay, let’s try again. Another day, the struggle is real, and things blow up in my face. Oh, maybe this will become a cake. Let us carry on at least I can see. Well now, look at this! It is a nail and let’s look over there, a coffin! I try to edge away from both. Then I trip. I now have the privilege of rest in waiting. All that work, all that effort snatched and frozen just out of reach, at lightning speed.
This year has been so hard, I don’t know how or where to begin. I think I will start with, I am alive. Therefore it must mean that God ain’t finished with me, so I go. But, I think too many things are now on my face, weighty things, burdensome things, I cannot see the way. I have been beaten into admitting humility and gratitude. Thank you, Lord, for this lesson. It has been painful, and the price may be heavy but thankfully the cost will yield favourable returns. They say every lesson is a blessing and now as I sit waiting on God oh, I believe it. I know I have had to wrestle with keeping myself, myself. In the process, I am shedding those parts that do not serve me, but the shedding is painful, the shedding is constant. In the process, I have to find my voice respectfully, speak my truth don’t kiss ass (pardon my Latin), like it or limp it. It has been so hard, but praise God it will get better soon…
Yours dearly,
Kim
From Cold Col’ Inglan’
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