“Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.”
― Mark Matthews
Is there value in apologies?
Apologising has become a serious craft for many persons in our society, and is especially the case in 2019. We see where more and more well-known persons around the world have been accused of numerous wrongdoings and the go to solution is a public apology. There are many reasons why this is so. Some view an apology as the quickest way to get back into the good graces of those they have wronged – which may include the public! Also, it worked for others so it’s likely to work for them. However, apologies are a dime a dozen as more people are wronged or offended and the apologists feel the need to move on and the quickest way to do this is with a meaningless and thoughtless apology..
Apologies are important to many people, when done sincerely. The problem is that sometimes when we apologise, we are not being sincere. We apologise because it is expected and because we are trying to manipulate others to ultimately get our way. The insincere apologist will apologise, look in your eyes with insincere forlorn and do the exact thing they just apologised for! You will catch them nine times out of ten doing the same thing and there is always a quick apology ready to distract you from expressing your anger, frustration and overall displeasure. These professional apologist are diabolical liars. These are the ones who have honed and perfected the art of apologising. And if you allow them to, they will continue to perpetuate the cycle.
Apologise because it’s the right thing to do…
The hardest thing to get is an honest and sincere apology. It’s hard because many persons do so for the wrong reasons. Do not apologise, if you do not believe you have done something wrong. Why? It’s better to be honest in the moment about what you believe than to deceive. Apologise because you are truly remorseful and not because it seems to make everything okay. Be genuinely remorseful about what you have done or not done, what you have said or not said or false assumptions that have impacted others. Don’t apologise because you have been caught or when you have lost something valuable that you need to regain. An apology is not a weapon to undermine, silence or negate the hurt of others, but a tool that helps to repair damaged bridges to wholesome relationships.
So the next time you apologise, mean what you say and say what you mean.